real life fairytale

sha'ul

2012-01-27T15:22:00.000-06:00

Confused of the title of this post? Do you know what the word means (or do you care to look it up) or would you rather I just tell you? I'll give you a hint--it's not Greek, it's Hebrew. Any guesses now?

Okay, I can't wait any longer. It means "asked for" in Hebrew & it was the introduction to the single ladies spring Bible study: DAVID: Seeking a Heart Like His by Beth Moore. So, what's so cool about sha'ul & what does that little Hebrew word have to do with David? Let me tell you.

Pop culture proclaims that the story of my life begins with me, but is that really true? In the introduction to week one, Beth Moore refutes this humanistic argument as she introduces us to the people who shaped David's life remarking that "A person's story never begins with his or her own. . . . Our lives are often laboriously intertwined with another we have neither chosen nor fully accepted" (8). God started molding David's life, not at his birth, but with the lives of his two counselors: Saul & Samuel.

In I Samuel 1, a woman named Hannah asks God for a son. When her request is answered, she names her son Samuel (shem'el) which sounded similar to the word "asked for (sha'ul). To show her gratitude, Hannah returnsto God what she had asked for & God uses Samuel to accomplish His will in a mighty way.

In I Samuel 8, the people of Israel demand that Samuel select a king to rule over the nation. Following the Lord's direction, Samuel anoints a tall, good-looking Benjaminite named Saul. Where Samuel's name sounds like "asked for", Saul's name literally means "asked for". God literally gave the children of Israel what they asked for! Sadly, the nation soon discoved that what they asked for, wasn't really what they wanted.

Saul eventually loses God's favor because his "position exceed his passion." He worshipped God, not because he wanted to, but because he was a Hebrew. God was part of the package deal. As Beth Moore put it, "There is a country mile's difference between pleasing & appeasing God" (9).

As Beth Moore spoke, I could remember a little too well times when God gave me exactly what I asked for &, like the people of Israel, I soon regretted my choice. That little word sha'ul (which I can surely write better than I could pronounce) has been a rebuke to me. What have I been asking God for? "He wants my whole heart--the whole splattered mess." Am I willing to give Him what He has asked for?

Because

2012-01-19T14:47:00.000-06:00

I know I said that I wasn't going to answer "why?" with "because" anymore, but, let's be honest, you were expecting it. Which is interesting because I wasn't.

Why you ask? Because God is still teaching me what "because" means.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 says, "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, & keep his commandments: for this is the whold duty of man." Did you catch that--the whole duty of man rests in two words: fear & obedience.

Fear is humbly bending my body down & lifting my heart & hands up to God in reverential worship--not a shaking terror of what God will do to me if I don't obey. Obedience blossoms from proper fear. If I truly fear the Lord then I will obey Him because I want to worship Him withe every action.

Even if obeying Him will bring me pain.

Paul tells the believers in Corinth to expect trials because of their faith & encourages them not to give up, "therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy [God granting us favor, benefits, opportunities, & especially salvation], we faint not [do not get discouraged or overcome with fear]" (2 Cor. 4:1).

So, why do I do what I do? Because I have received mercy & I have no reason to doubt God's love for me.

Why?

2012-01-17T21:40:00.001-06:00

Has anyone ever asked you why you do what you do? What wasyour response—a simple response or a ten-point message explaining eachintricate thought behind the decision?
When I left home for college five years ago, I found that whenothers asked me, “why?” all I could do was repeat the question to myself: Why do I do what I do?

If you asked my high school classmates to describe me youwould probably hear adjectives like hoity-toity, stuck-up, goodie-two-shoes,& teacher’s pet. Not only was I known for following the rules, I also hadthe audacity to encourage my classmates to follow them as well. I was one ofthose irritating students who lovedschool. I mean LOVED. I played schoolin the summer & counted down to the first day of school. Weird. People gotthe impression that I did right because I wanted to stay out of trouble. While avoidingtrouble may have been part of my logic, it wasn’t my main motivation. I didright because, well, it was the right thing to do. Crazy, I know.

As I entered college, my mentality for obeying rules remainedthe same. Was my logic wrong? Well, no, but it wasn’t right either.

Between my sophomore & junior years in college I began toask myself the question people had been asking me for years, “why do I do whatI do?” I was disturbed to find that I didn’t have an answer. I wasn’t a rebelwho flagrantly broke rules, but I would make allowances to bend rules when Ifelt they were too restrictive. I was obeying the rules, but I sure wasn’tbeing a Christ-like example to others.

The spring of my junior year was a spiritual low. God wantedto change me but I was content to remain spiritually stagnant. On a whim, Iapplied to be a camp counselor, not really believing God would send me to camp.But He did & I came face-to-face with my mediocrity. My counselor trainingpacked required me to share my reasoning for tough scenarios--principles fordeciding if something is right or wrong & principles to give to someone whowants to grow spiritually--& verses defending God’s guidelines for dating,music, friends, authority, & a plethora of other counseling topics. For thefirst time in my life I had to answer “Why?” with more than just “because.”

I'm not perfect--God is definitely still working on me--but God is helping me answer my own questions. I don't have all of the answers & sometimes what I do may make your head turn, but I promise, God is helping me answer "why do I do what I do" with more than just "because."

Christmas Omletes

2011-12-25T19:09:00.000-06:00

Are you salivating yet?

Three eggs cooked in a black Teflon pan. When the bottom of the eggs are nearly cooked add olives, cheese, cubed ham, fresh tomatoes, & a slice or two of bacon. Fold egg over enveloping meet, fruit, & vegetables in an egg-hug. Plate & drench with maple syrup. Serve with toast (butter & strawberry jam) & a glass of chocolate milk or orange juice. Don't forget your fork & a napkin.

Sounds delicious, doesn't it?

Every Christmas for as long as I can remember has started, not with sight, but with a yummy smell & homey, sizzling sounds. I wake up hearing Dad & Mom's voices drift down the hallway accompanied by the low sizzle of bacon on the grill & the clinking of a spatula on a metal pan. I lift my head off of my pillow with my eyes closed & take a deep breath of the heavenly smell of bacon & eggs. The scent of my favorite breakfast foods gives me the energy to roll out of bed & get ready for the day.

Christmas omelets are arguable my favorite Lawson family tradition. And it's not just the eggs & bacon that put this tradition on the top of my list (though, eating pig always advances a tradition in my mind). The whole experience--the sounds, the smells, the tastes, & the family togetherness--makes each Christmas omelet a special one. Christmas omelets just mark the start of a day of celebration. A celebration of the gift of Christ & the family He has given me.

Over the years, many family traditions have changed. Our family, immediate & extended, has grown & some have moved on. Get togethers aren't as practical as they used to be & this year had struggles unique to itself just as each Christmas omlet is unique from the ones that were eaten before. My selection of fillings doesn't mean that one omlet is better or worse than another, it's just different.

I love eating my omlet, but I've never been able to finish one yet. But every year I ask Dad to make me a Christmas omlet just like the year before. Sometimes when life begins to overwhelm me I think about my Christmas omlet. I can't handle a year's, or even a week;s, worth of plans in one day. I've got to take life a bite at a time & rely on God to get me through the entire meal.

When you wake up tomorrow morning, wait to open your eyes & just take a deep breath. Breathe in life & let that enticing smell motivate you to get out of bed & taste the Lord's blessings.

satisfied

2011-12-19T22:05:00.000-06:00

This fall I joined a core group of single ladies to study "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper. While I don't endorse everything Piper has published, the message of "Don't Waste Your Life" was spot on. People today are wasting their lives. Even in the amidst all the business of this life--the ball practices, workout routines, job responsibilities, & ministry opportunities--we find ourselves empty & unfulfilled. How can I live a fulfilled life?

Throughout the study, I learned that I waste my life when I live for anyone other than God. A fulfilled life is living in the light of the Cross--it's dying daily. But, like any lesson, I quickly forgot the reality of giving all for Christ. Before I knew what hit me, I was selfishly seeking my own desires, ministrying out of duty, & going throught themotions of my daily routines. Is it possible to live a satisfied life all the time?

God already knew that question was on my heart when we began preparing for "Lord of Glory." And, He already knew that I was beginning to lose my focus on living a successful, satisfied life. After the cantata on Sunday morning, several friends & church family members complimented my narration abilities. I didn't know what to say; I don't take compliments well--I blush & grow speechless. Why did the Lord choose to use me to be a witness for Him? Who am I to be worthy of spreading His Gospel to my community? I graciously thanked friends for their encouraging words & tried, with much blushing & stuttering, to return the glory to Christ.

In the midst of the buzz of blessings & blushes, one question rose in my mind & drowned out all the other questions: "how do the Lost live a satisfied life?" As a Christian, I know that I am satisfied only in Christ. The opportunity to use my talents for the Lord brings elation & joy like no other experience. What is more satisfying than using the talent God has given me for Him? If this act of sacrifice is true satisfaction, then how can someone who does not know Christ personally be satisfied in this life?

I don't know that this question has an answer, but ask yourself, "am I living a satisfied life?"

Lord of Glory

2011-12-19T11:09:00.002-06:00

I love the Christmas season. There is no other time where Christianity is so readily, albeit ignorantly, proclaimed. Nativity scenes, with the virgin Mary comforting her newborn Son & Joseph protectively watching his young bride, stand before many homes & major businesses. Though the airways are filled with songs about Santa Clause, reindeer, & blossoming or dying love, traditional carols that proclaim the true Christmas story can still be heard. And no one is suing or declaring a violation of rights.

Yesterday my church presented its yearly Christmas cantata, "Lord of Glory" (arranged by Dan Forrest), which proclaims the love & message of Christ through music & Scriptures. Being a soprano in the choir, I was already enamoured with the musical arrangement of the cantata, but I also had the priviledge of being one of the narrators. Nothing tells the Christmas sotry like the Bible (which makes sense, since the Bible is a biography of God & His gift of eternal life through Christ). Saturday morning the choir, orchestra, & narration were combined for the first time. Though I'd been singing the arrangements in my green "Lord of Glory" book for weeks, the addition of the Scripture narration made the cantata's message almost new. The narration included typical Christmas passages from the initial chapters of Matthew & Luke, but God didn't limit His message to four or five chapters. The gift of salvation through Christ is presented throughout the Old & New Testaments. While I love reading the traditional Christmas passages, the verse that struck me this weekend was not your typical Christmas verse.

I Timothy 1:15, "This is a faithful saying, & worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."

The sole message of the Gospel is in that verse: "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners." Yes, Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ--the coming of the Lord of Glory--but Christmas is so much more than that. The reason Christ came was to save sinners, like me, because we cannot save ourselves. The title of one of my favorite Christmas songs shares the message of the entire Gospel: "Born to Die."

Christmas isn't about giving the perfect gift, extreme decorations, or songs about finding the love of your life. The reason we celebrate Christmas is because Christ, the Lord of Glory, chose to leave the perfect, holy realm of heaven to live the life of His creation so He could save us from ourselves.

lessons learned

2011-12-06T15:08:00.001-06:00

What a wonderful semester this has been! I wish I had been more faithful in updating you in the good, the bad, & the ugly that I've experienced, but you'll just have to settle for this semester end overview. Here are a few lessons (serious & sarcastic) that I've learned over the last three months.

God did not call me to teach elementary students. Now, don't get me wrong, I love working with younger students . . . for a short period of time. I have a growing respect for elementary teachers & I am jealous of their seemingly endless patience.
Don't assign more than one major paper at a time. Due to my supervising teacher's schedule I had the privilege of recieving two literary analysis papers within 3 days of each other. I now understand why my English professors looked so tired the week that freshmen composition papers were due. I needed two & a half weeks to grade 30 papers; they grade twice that in half the time!
Even teachers experience stage fright. Nerves attack everyone. No matter how prepared you are, nervous jitters will find you. Best defense: preparedness.
So, there was this one time . . . I am easily distracted. Students have a remarkable ability to find the teacher's weakness & manipulate that weakness to their advantage. Put these two together & you get some hilarious stories that may have nothing at all to do with the lesson.
I love English, but I still have much to learn. I may be the teacher, but I believe I've learned just as much about English this semester as my students have. In correcting my students' grammatical skills, I've found the errors in my own. I am nowhere near perfect, but I'm beginning to understand my weaknesses. No matter what the subject or experience, I always have something to learn.
Be prepared (I hope you heard Scar singing that, because I definitely did).
Now, preparedness is not something I usually struggle with, but, when I am ill prepared I become nervous & sick to my stomach. Prepare in advance.
Without drama (the theatre kind) part of my soul is missing.The Lord has made it quite clear He intends to use drama (the theater kind) later in my life. For the first time in eight semesters I didn't attend play practices, cover people in stage make up, or offer input on theatrical direction. Yes, I designed, painted, & help raise a set, but I didn't get to direct. And I felt as though a huge portion of my life was missing.
God answers prayer. My students & I have had the wonderful privilege to see God answer prayer in amazing ways. From little requests, like passing a test, to major requests, like seeing God heal my friend's mom, God deserves all praise & adoration.
Everyone needs a break, including teachers.Too much of a good (or even favorite) thing can be a bad thing. Everyone needs a break; for me, that break can include reading a book just for fun, going to Bible study, chilling at a youth activity, or just sleeping in.
Don't leave your camera on your desk--the students will photograph themselves & video you. I don't think this one needs much explanation. Hide your electronics.
Surround yourself with experienced friends. I've learned more from the ladies I talk to during the lunch preperation time than anyone else. These wonderful women have been my cheerleaders & my shoulder to cry on, my confidants & my instructors.
Morning devotions are not an option, they are a necessity. "Jesus Christ is made to me all I need." No matter how many times I sing that song, Christ continually reminds me that I cannot rely on myself for anything. My worst days have always started with the decision to ignore God & rely on myself. You'd think I would learn . . .

This is not, by any means, a complete list of the lessons the Lord has taught me. Time, & personal privacy restrictions, limit all of the experiences I could share with you. What I can share with you is that God deserves all the praise & glory for what I have been able to do. Without Him, everything is impossible.

practicing real life

2011-10-18T17:13:00.000-05:00

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I think I've been asked that question a billion times in the past twenty years or so (that gives me two & a half years to learn how to talk & walk before contemplating such a life altering decision). I know I weighed several options in my early elementary years: ballet, USAF Blackhawk pilot, a police officer, or firefighter, but I always cherished the idea of becoming a teacher. Who doesn't want to stand up in front of a room of expectant faces & share some golden nugget of truth?

Choosing to pursue a career in education is not an easy, hands-down choice. So, you want to teach? Primary or secondary school? If primary, what grade? If secondary, what subject? Now, don't laugh at me, but my educational career choice was never a burden. I knew right away what age I wanted to teach.

I still remember Mrs. Free, my second grade teacher, asking me what I wanted to do when I grew up: "Teach high schoolers." I still remember the smile on her face, but she, & Mom & Dad, never doubted my young vision. By my freshman year of high school I knew I wanted to teach English. I had also set my heart on getting my college degree from Maranatha Baptist Bible College. Though I tweaked a few things between my freshman yeaer of high school & my freshman year of college, the core of my dream remained the same: English education at MBBC.

God made my wildest dreams come true when I moved into Weeks Dormitory in August of 2007. Four years have passed. The dream that started in second grade is almost reality. In December, I will graduate from MBBC with a certified B.S. in English Education with a minor in Dramatic Productions (a little dream God gave me while at MBBC).

So, what am I doing right now? I'm practicing real life. Which is my way of saying that I'm student teaching. I'm enjoying the final page of my undergraduate degree. God confirms my desire & passion for teaching each time I stand at the front of the classroom.

I can't wait complete practicing. Real life, here I come!

getting to know you

2011-06-11T15:16:00.002-05:00

Have I ever mentioned that I love plays? Well, I do--& Kansas City gives me plenty of opportunities to enjoy the stage in the summertime. Mom & I have made attending plays together a summer tradition since I entered college four years ago. We've seen a plethora of theatre favorites at a variety of community theaters.

We attended Seven Brides for Seven Brothers & half of The Wizard of Oz (the show was called at intermission due to tornado warnings . . . & we were in Kansas, true story) at Shawnee Mission's Theatre in the Park. We've fallen in love with Kansas City's Shakespeare's festival where we've seen Othello & The Merry Wives of Windsor come to life on stage.

So, why do I go to plays with Mom? It's our date time--our way of getting to know each other a little better. We share jokes, personal stories about the play, & interesting tidbits that we've picked up over the years. Our outings have allowed me to share some of the knowledge I've gained in studying dramatic productions in college. While we laugh, talk, and sing along we get to know things about each other that makes our relationship closer than ever.

We started this summer's theatrical experience with The King & I at Starlight Theatre (with Lou Diamond Phillips as the King of Siam--you know, the La Bamba guy). I have always loved The King & I -- I watched the video all the time growing up. During the prelude of nearly every song I would turn to Mom & say, "I love this part! This is my favorite part . . . really!" How can you not love "I Whistle a Happy Tune" & "There is a Happy Land"? Or what about the "March of the Siamese Children"?

What is my absolute favorite part? Well, there are two. The first takes place in Act I as "Mrs. Anna" teaches the children. Do you know what it is? (Hint: look at the post title.) It's the song, "Getting to Know You". I love the setting, the characters, the words & the tune. The second scene, & probably my true favorite, is the play that Tuptim writes: "The Small House of Uncle Thomas". Even though the retelling of Stowe's story is rather inaccurate & praises the name of Buddha, Mom & I connected as we laughed at the creative movements of the actors across the stage.

I can't wait to see what other plays Mom & I will be going to this summer. But I know one thing for sure, whatever play we are watching, we could be singing "Getting to Know You".

change

2011-06-08T22:42:00.000-05:00

Raise your hand if you don't like change. . . . Ok, since I can't physically see you, I'm going to assume that everyone dislikes change a little. You may be one who revolts against any suggestion of change or you may be one that embraces change with open arms (& a slightly quivering heart). Me? I fall somewhere in between. Whenever change is upon me, I find myself both nervous & excited. Change means life is going to be different from here on out--I will never be able to return to "this" point in time. Change means a new direction--whether slight or drastic. But most importantly, change means allowing God to lead me away from my comfort zone & toward the glorious fulfillment of His will.

That sounds exciting, right?

Right, except when I let my selfish plans & desires get in the way. Except when I decide to hold on to everything in my life with white-knuckled clasped fists.

This summer is the beginning of a lot of change for me. While I'm excited about the opportunities that I know the Lord will bring my way in the future, I'm also terrified that life may not turn out like I've dreamt for so long.

For the first time in four years I will not be leaving home in the fall for college. I won't share a room with 3-4 other girls in a dorm inhabited by 50-60 other Christian girls. I won't see the professors or walk the campus I've fallen in love with. I don't get to take any more speech classes & for the first time in four years, I will not be helping in a college production.

But, as sad as I am about leaving college & beginning the next chapter in my life, I'm excited about the new opportunities that lie ahead. I get to teach--not just practice teaching on other education majors. I get to minister at my home church in new ways. I get to keep in touch with friends from across the country.

Change hurts sometimes--I'm learning that this summer, too. Most of my close friends now live 500+ miles away. My older brother, his wife, & my nephew move 1300 miles away. I'm not doing what I wanted to do this summer. But you know what? God never promised that walking in His will was going to be easy. In fact, He promised that those who truly followed Him would suffer persecution. PERSECUTION. I'm pretty sure that throwing a pity-party because friends & family aren't close & that I'm not working the job I had in mind count as persecution.

So, what do I think about change? I think change is a great opportunity to learn more about myself as I conform to the image of Christ. Change is seeing that God's thoughts are more wonderful than mine & that His plans are more amazing than anything I could ever imagine.

I may not completely like change, but I know that God uses change to give me His best.

take note

2011-05-30T20:52:00.000-05:00

I don't know when I started taking church notes, but I know it's been forever. Every Sunday, for as long as I can remember, I've been obsessed with filling in the blanks in the outline provided for the morning service. What started out as an obsession has turned into a reflective journal so I can continue to learn more about my God.

Of course, as a young child I just wanted to fill in the blanks. I would sit next to Mom or Grandmommy with my Bible & bulletin spread in my lap & my eyes glued on . . . Mom or Grandmommy's notes. While appeared to be an attentive listener, I was focused on one thing--the blanks. If the sermon got boring or if the preacher seemed to take too long one one point, he completely lost my attention. My bulletin became a sketch book & my blanks remained . . . well, blank. Once I returned to the reality of the sermon, I would lean over & eye Mom's bulletin & loudly whisper, "what's that word?" & "is this spelled right?"

As I grew up, my notes became less of an obsession & more of a listening tool. I began taking notes during school chapels & at summer camp to help me follow along. I can't say that I learned much from those sermons in elementary & junior high, but I was learning to listen. Which was an important step to applying the sermons personally.

I don't know when it clicked, but somewhere between seventh & ninth grade it hit me--those blanks I'd been filling out religiously since I could writer were no longer just words to fill out my page, nor were notes just to keep me from getting bored. Taking notes allowed me to return to the sermon as a reminder of truths so I could apply the message to my life. My notes are no longer just an outline of the sermon--they include personal thoughts, quotes that get me thinking, & even songs that relate to the message. My notes are personal reminders so I can continue to become more like Christ.

There is no right or wrong way to take notes. A friend at college only writes down a phrase or two because she finds writing distracting (something I, admittedly, don't quite understand) & another friend only writes down what he finds to be new or novel. Last Sunday, my attention was drawn to a junior high girl who was strictly taking down the sermon's outline.

My point? How you take notes does not matter.

So, what does matter? Well, as you sit under the preaching of God's Word, are you taking note? Are you allowing God to change your life through the preaching of His Word?

my life is not my own

2011-03-06T22:49:00.000-06:00

Tonight was the Lord’s Supper at my extension church. I love celebrating the Lord’s Supper—and not just because I like the tart taste of Welch’s grape juice.

The Lord’s Supper calls me to break open my heart before Christ. To lay before Him my praise and thankfulness for what He has done in my life and to apologize and repent for sins I have harbored for too long. Truly, I don’t have to—and should not—wait for the Lord’s Supper to open my heart to my Savior, but I always enjoy the service, nonetheless.

So far this semester the Lord has been teaching me that my life is not my own. Every time I sit down in a church or chapel service—even in my personal, room, and dorm devotions—God challenges me to change. He pleads for me not to settle for mediocre Christianity, but to live a fulfilled, satisfied life of a servant.

I don’t want to sound like an angel—change is hard! I feel as though I meet failure at every turn—I am 14 years old in Christ and I have yet to read through my Bible outside of a requirement for a college course. That’s sad! But God has challenged me and, praise the Lord, I have been more consistent this year than any year of my Christian life. Then there’s the struggle of Bible memory—how pitiful that I can memorize an eight-minute speech in a few hours, but I struggle to commit God’s Word to memory.

As I sat in the pew tonight, surrounded by faithful believers, my heart broke in realization that, though I am growing, I have a long way to go. At the beginning of the semester, Evangelist Will Galkin said, “I’m not who I used to be, but I’m not who I want to be. I am what I am by the grace of God.” How true! The more I learn about and grow in my God, the more I realize I have to learn and grow.

Before communion tonight we sang “His Robes for Mine.” This song has been a wonderful encouragement in my life and has brought tears to my life. That my God gave his life, willingly, for me, a horrible sinner, is beyond my comprehension. Christ suffered for me so I could be justified before Christ—yet I struggle to obey Him in simple things and sometimes live in doubt that He will perform as He promises.

I encourage you to take a moment to read the words and pour them into your heart. God has given ALL for me, truly “my life is not my own.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

His robes for mine: O wonderful exchange!
Clothed in my sin, Christ suffered ‘neath God’s rage.
Draped in His righteousness, I’m justified.
In Christ I live, for in my place He died.

Chorus:

I cling to Christ, and marvel at the cost:
Jesus forsaken, God estranged from God.
Bought by such love, my life is not my own.
My praise—my all—shall be for Christ alone.

His robes for mine: what cause have I for dread?
God’s daunting Law Christ mastered in my stead.
Faultless I stand with righteous works not mine,
Saved by my Lord’s vicarious death and life.

His robes for mine: God’s justice is appeased.
Jesus is crushed, and thus the Father’s pleased.
Christ drank God’s wrath on sin, then cried “‘Tis done!”
Sin’s wage is paid; propitiation won.

His robes for mine: such anguish none can know.
Christ, God’s beloved, condemned as though His foe.
He, as though I, accursed and left alone;
I, as though He, embraced and welcomed home!

risks

2011-01-29T22:00:00.001-06:00

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk no being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

Persons who risk nothing do nothing, have nothing and are nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, or live.

Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves, for they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Risks & gambles. A seemingly natural part of life. Now, some people believe risk and gambles are synonomous. They are not. Risks are calculated leaps of faith where the reward is sure; gambles are spontanious action with limited (& impractical) possibilty of reward.

I don't know about you, but my life isn't a gamble. But it's not a risk either. Risks merely offer freedom--freedom to expand my horizens & envision something more.

So, are you up to taking some risks?

perfect protection

2011-01-24T22:40:00.005-06:00

Christ is my Perfect Protection

"The LORD is my Shepherd"

Before we begin studying the characteristics of the Good Shepherd, we must understand what that title means. John 10:11,14 (AMP) says, "I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd risks and lays down His [own] life for the sheep. I am the Good Shepherd; and I know and recognize My own, and My own know and recognize Me." Isn't that amazing? Christ laid down his life for me--but He doesn't stop with sacrifice, He has claimed me as His own & recognizes my voice when I cry out in the night.

What does that phrase, "The LORD is my Shepherd," mean?
(I'll give you a hint, look at the title)--that's right, God is our perfect protection. What words come to mind when I say 'protection'? The ones I immediately thought of were shelter, tower, shield, & defense (quite a list, huh?). The Psalms are filled with verses proclaiming God as our shelter, tower, shield, & defense--Psalm 89:18, 91:4, 119:14, just to list a few.

Man has an opposing, sinful characteristic to go with each of God's holy ones. If God is our protection, what is man's problem? Give up? FEAR. We are afraid of everything!--spiders, darkness, fire, paper cuts, failure, people, & death, just to name a few. But, & here's a wonderful thought, we don't have to be afraid anymore--God is our perfect protection!

the Good Shepherd

2011-01-24T22:30:00.001-06:00

I must admit that I was a horrible room leader last semester. I allowed my schedule & my academics to reign--& missed out on getting to know the four amazing girls I shared my room with. At the end of the semester, Holly asked one of the girls to move to second floor & now I'mm regretting the time I wasted getting to know her.

This is my last semester and it's going to be different. No more complacency. No more (ok, so less) selfishness--I won't let ME reign.

In light of that, I made two commitments with the Lord:
1) read my Bible at least 20 days each month
2) prepare a devotional lesson every week for my room

I knew where I was going personally, but I had no idea what to do for my room. On Sunday, January 9, I headed to Sunday School for the last time before heading back to college for my final semester at Maranatha. I never expected the Lord to give me what I had asked for: a series to study with my roommates.

My Sunday School teacher pointed out 16 characteristics of the Good Shepherd from Psalm 23. I was stunned & challenged by the characteristics of my God in such a short Psalm. What a blessing!

So, over the next semester I will be sharing with you what the Lord teaching my roommates & me about Himself from Psalm 23. Enjoy!

almighty Father

2011-01-23T18:40:00.000-06:00

Tonight, I attended a childrens worker's meeting at CBC (my college extension church). Pastor Kurtz spoke on "Encouraging Children through Music". I have to admit that I grumbled when I first heard the topic. "Ugh," I thought, "not another sermon on music." WRONG ATTITUDE.

Pastor Kurtz's thoughts encouraged me. Childrens music can (& should) be exciting, God-honoring, & doctrinal--it should not, however, be "funny". Pastor Kurtz led the childrens workers in several songs interspersed through his lesson: "Be a Missionary" ended with a somewhat excited "Let's Go!" & we were asked to lay "Father Abraham" to rest.

But there was one song he mentioned that really thrummed my heartstrings. I song I love to sing in prayer & praise to God--& a wonderful song to sing with children.

I am so ashamed by my initial thoughts of the meeting, but I was encouraged when I left. I hope & trust that my ministry with children is just beginning, because I can't wait to teach the next generation about my awesome God through song.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Almighty Father

Almighty Father, You alone are holy. You are my refuge, I will trust in You.

You are a tower, a mighty fortress, You are my strength and shield. You are God.

Almighty Father, You alone are holy. You guide my footsteps that I may not fall.

In joy or sorrow, I will exalt You. You are my righteousness, You are God.

Almighty Father, You alone are holy. You are Creator, You are all in all!

Yours is the power, Yours is the glory. Yours is the majesty, You are God

webcams & secret mics

2011-01-19T23:53:00.005-06:00

Today I experienced my first live on-line Educational Psychology class. And my experience can only be described as mortifying.

Now, I want to preface the story by telling you that I typically enjoy my college classes & I love the professor, Dr. Bruce Jackson. You should also know that I have never used a webcam before & do not have one built into my computer. I don't even like the idea of a webcam. Hello? CREEPY! Plus, sometimes technology chooses to embarrass & mock me. Honestly. I work with computers in most of my jobs, yet they always find a way to . . . well, mortify me.

Once a week, I have to use my webcam to participate in a live class session (Dr. Jackson retired from MBBC two years ago and moved to Colorado. He teaches Ed Psych from the comfort of his home in the Colorado mountains.). The live session scared me because I've never used a webcam before (I know, I know, incredibly archaic of someone my age).

Mandy & I met in the dining common & found a quiet booth away from the laughter & buzz of students eating lunch. 12:15--five minutes until class started. Plenty of time to set up the computer & get logged in. Mandy ran to get coffee while I prepared the computer.

That's when the troubles began.

First, my computer showed no visible signs of life when I pulled it out of my bag. That meant relocation to a table near a plug in. By 12:18, Mandy returned with her coffee and helped me move. We would enter the class late, but we were sure Dr. Jackson would be understanding.

12:22--With the computer connected to power & the webcam set teetering at the top of the computer screen, we logged in. We could hear Dr. Jackson, see his PowerPoint, & laughed at our various classmates who sometimes acted as though they were unaware they were being videoed. As my gaze roamed the computer screen, I realized that we couldn't see our picture. Mandy texted a friend (also in the class). No, they couldn't see us either. Stink. What did we do wrong?

Precious class-time ticked off the clock as Mandy ran to her bag (which we cannot bring in the dining common) to get a cheat sheet we were given in class last week.

12:25--We skimmed the cheat sheet & figured out how to connect the camera to the Adobe program. Hooray we were on! That's when the real horrors (for me, at least--Mandy just laughed & laughed) began.

Apparently, as soon as you turn the camera in the program, it automatically turns the mic on--permanently. The function works like a walkie-talkie, only at the beginning it's like the talk button is taped down. Get my drift? Well, being the first time my computer has used the webcam, it (my computer) froze while it figured out what programs would be necessary to function properly (ie. the webcam, the mic I plugged in, the Internet, and the Adobe program opened).

Now, I consider myself pretty adequate when using computer technologies. However, I did not know that I had a speaker built into my computer (who would assume such a thing when I do not have a webcam built in?).

Are you laughing yet? I hope you are. Mandy hasn't stopped laughing since this afternoon. I'm learning to, though, again, I'm still mostly mortified.

Anyway, my computer froze once we entered the room. I knew the camera was on, however, I didn't think about the mic. When my computer froze, I assumed that the other members of the room were no longer receiving feedback. Wrong. Apparently several class members & Dr. Jackson tried to tell us what was going on--only I wasn't receiving any of their posts or comments. Finally, Deb texted us, "We can hear you." WHAT?! I could have died. So, for seven minutes (I mean that literally. We watched the recording of the class this evening--mortifying.) the class & Dr. Jackson heard Mandy laugh as I verbally shared my frustrations (luckily, Mandy was closer to the mic. The only thing I said that could be distinguished, "the program just froze . . . I hate this . . ."). I kept trying to resolve the problem while the Dr. Jackson tried to go on with class (Mandy & I even called for technical help. Unfortunately, the lady did not answer her office or cell phone). Unfortunately, because our mic was on, those seven minutes of lecture are muddled by the sounds of the dining common.

After what seemed to be eternity, my computer finally caught up with me to shut down the Internet. Finally, we were off-line. I unplugged the camera, hoping my computer would fare better tackling one task at a time. My hands trembled as I reconnected to the Internet. "Lord," I prayed, "please let this connect properly this time." Mandy laughed as I looked at her & said, "Shut up, we're logging back on."

Upon re-entering the room I immediately turned off the automatic talk function. We listened to the lecture for about five minutes before I braved plugging the camera back in. "You want to try?" I asked Mandy. "Sure." With a huge lump in my throat & knot in my stomach I plugged in the camera & turned it on in Adobe. I fully expected the talk button to automatically turn on. It didn't, praise the Lord.

The rest of the class proceeded as normal with a few sound glitches. We laughed as Deb & Trisha knocked their camera off, sending viewers on a 360 ride of Trisha's room. We laughed as we watched Korinne fall asleep. But I think everyone, including Dr. Jackson, got their laugh of the day watching Mandy & I struggle through the first ten minutes of logging in.

After class Mandy & I laughed (okay, Mandy laughed & I blushed to the point of clashing with my hair) with classmates as I tried to explain (with Mandy's interjections of "I thought it was hilarious!") what exactly happened.

All I can say is, I'm glad it's over. And, as I always seek to, I definitely learned something new today.

Oh, & for future reference, I think there should be a day where all the students log in before class starts to ensure all programs are working properly.

You know, so no one is mortified, like me.

the lost hero

2010-12-01T12:30:00.001-06:00

In May 2009, author Rick Riordan released The Last Olympian, the final book in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. The series introduced young readers to Camp Half-Blood, a summer camp to train half-bloods—human children of the Greek gods. In the final chapter of The Last Olympian, the oracle, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, delivers a new prophecy, leaving Camp Half-Blood readers spell-bound and expectant for a sequel series.

And Riordan delivered.

On October 12, 2010, Rick Riordan debuted his latest young fiction masterpiece, Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero.

Readers acclaim Riordan’s authorship by placing The Lost Hero number one on the New York Times best-seller list for the sixth week in a row. Impressed? What if I told you that book one in The Heroes of Olympus series isn’t the first time Riordan’s name has hung on the Times best-seller list? The current number two (with a twenty-nine week reign on the Times best-seller list) is The Red Pyramid, book one of Riordan’s Kane Chronicles.

Why is The Lost Hero ranked #1? Because Riordan grabs his readers from page one: “Even before he got electrocuted, Jason was having a rotten day.” From that point on, there was no putting the book down. The Lost Hero introduces the fans of Camp Half-Blood to three new heroes (well, two heroes and a heroine), while keeping us connected with old friends. Questions buzzed in my head as I searched for answers from page to page. Who was Jason and what was his connection to Camp Half-Blood? Why can’t he remember who he is? Who are Piper and Leo? And, where is Percy?

“Jason has a problem.”

Riordan first introduces Jason, a fifteen—or is it sixteen—year-old boy who suffering from a major case of amnesia. He can’t remember who the girl holding his hand is (she claims to be his girlfriend, Piper), how he got on the school bus in the middle of the desert, who he is, or where he came from. Amidst all the confusion, Jason finds himself in the midst of a mythological world that seems strangely familiar.

“Piper has a secret.”

Starved for attention from her movie-star dad, Piper uses her soothing voice to manipulate others to give her things—for free. Her smooth tongue landed her in the wilderness school—a private school for troubled teens, but Piper is troubled by more than her honey-tipped tongue. Since being separated from her father, she constantly dreams of his capture and torture. A voice as smooth as her own offers her father’s freedom, but only at a high price. Will Piper betray her friends to free her father?

“Leo has a way with tools.”

Leo constantly tinkers with metal objects—mechanical marvels are quickly created (and destroyed) as he thinks. His quick wit and sarcastic humor help Jason and Piper relax as the trio faces the unknown. A startling discovery at Camp Half-Blood shows Jason, Piper, and the others that Leo is more than a clown.

The Lost Hero takes fans back to Camp Half-Blood and continues to train “campers” in Greek mythology. The book introduces more gods (Hera, Aphrodite, and Hephestus take center stage). But Riordan doesn’t stop with Greek mythology. With a slight twist of his pen, Riordan introduces the gods Roman connections through Jason. While Annabeth (Percy Jackson and the Olympians), Piper, and Leo continually reference the Greek attributes of the gods, Jason instructs on their militaristic, Roman characteristics.

Whether you’re an old fan of Camp Half-Blood or a new recruit, The Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero will keep you on your toes. In just 550 pages, Jason, Piper, and Leo lead you on a chase against time from coast to coast with stops in New Mexico, Quebec, California, and New York. Once you start reading, you won’t want to put the book down until it’s finished.

The wait for book two, The Son of Neptune, due to release fall 2011, seems as painful as fighting off mythical creatures between summers. Nevertheless, a wait lies before Camp Half-Blood fans. Maybe now we’ll be able to focus on our school work (which isn’t likely)—or maybe we’ll pick up Riordan’s Kane Chronicles and dive into Egyptian mythology while we wait. After all, book two of the Kane Chronicles (still to be titled) is due to release in the spring of 2011.

roots of the home team

2010-11-22T12:38:00.001-06:00

Fans across the nation unify in one loud, off-key rendition of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” in celebration of America’s favorite pasttime, baseball. I can’t remember a summer passing that didn’t include baseball. The soft thud of a ball trapped in a leather mitt and the metallic ping from the collision of the ball and bat were the soundtrack of my summers. From backyard pick-up and church little league games to family excursions at major league games, baseball filled lazy summer days.

For me, baseball and community are synonymous. Backyard baseball games included all the kids we could gather in our small, downtown Independence community. The group of eight to twenty of us trooped half a block down to McCoy park’s ball diamond on hot, Missouri summer afternoons. The older boys would carry the ball bags filled with metal bats, extra balls, and a variety of old, worn-out gloves. Everyone else carried water, sandwiches, and sunflower seeds. Once at the field, the water and sandwiches were stored in the shade of a large oak tree and forgotten until lunch. We ran to the field, ready to start the game. We never really picked teams—we simply divided ourselves by family and street. No one was incredibly talented, so the teams came out pretty even. What we lacked in talent, though, we made up for in spirit.

Both the infield and outfield lacked players and few of us could throw the ball from the outfield to the pitcher (in fact, few of us could throw the ball with accuracy, let alone distance). My older brother, Jarid, usually pitched for both teams, as he was the only kid in the neighborhood who could get the ball over the plate. To speed up the game, he volunteered Craig or I to run home and drag our t-ball stand to the field. I struggled to carry the black, rubber stand the half-block to the park, but I didn’t complain. The stand doubled my chances of sending a line drive out to the right of centerfield with moderate accuracy. Games ended with the shrill blast of Mom’s silver whistle calling us home.

At home, my brothers and I continued to practice and improve our baseball skills. Dad led us to the private ally or up to the vacant lot and threw balls to us. By the time I was eight, I caught grounders, pop-flies, and line drives with moderate accuracy—the boys well exceeded me in skill, but they never minded that I tagged along. Dad taught me to love baseball and I despised anyone who told me that baseball was only for boys.

Dad coached one of our church’s little league teams from the time I was six until I was fourteen. I spent June to August at the baseball complex with Dad’s team. Throughout the years, Dad coached both of my brothers from t-ball, into coach’s pitch, and finally into fast pitch ball.

Baseball, for the Lawsons, was a family affair. Dad coached, Mom was the statistician, Craig and Jarid played, and Crystal and I kept the boys hydrated and prepared. In late May, we met with our new teammates as Mom and Dad handed out jerseys. The boys crowed around the table as they were handed white knickers and a jersey, hat, and socks of matching colors. Each boy ran to change as soon as he received his uniform—even Crystal and I dressed as part of the team. Dad taught us from the beginning that the team was our family and our family was a team. We did everything together, even baseball.

While Dad taught the boys the simple mechanics of baseball, he taught me to love and serve those around me. Tri-City Baseball League was an outreach program. Pastors and church members ran and coached the league, but the focus was to reach the community. While other coaches stacked their teams with talented ball players from secular leagues, Dad requested his team be built around boys from single-parent homes.

While our teams included three to five church members, boys from the community created our core. While he wanted to win (and had a winning record throughout his years as a coach), Dad desired to be a role model to the young men on his team.

Our team was our family. As much as I loved watching the games, I looked forward to spending time with the boys and their families off the field. Practices and games always extended into picnic lunches. The church families enjoyed the fellowship, but the single-mothers relished in the relaxing free-time and watched their sons interact with the fathers of the other boys. I smiled to myself as I watched Dad interact with his team. His action proclaimed one truth: life isn’t about baseball, it’s about impacting others.

I still love going to baseball games—especially when one of my brothers are playing. I spend most of the game on my feet, cheering on my favorite team with a cap on my head and a Pepsi in hand. But don’t be deceived—as much as I love watching the game, I go to the games for the atmosphere. Moms overlook their son’s errors, dads critique every play, fanatical fans disagree with every call, and teenage sisters ignore the game while they socialize with friends.

Baseball is community—people interacting and impacting each other.

the reading rainbow

2010-11-08T12:26:00.002-06:00

Every summer morning while I was growing up, after finishing my sugar-coated Cheerios, I sank into my family’s burgundy couch and turned on PBS. I impatiently waited through the 1990s children’s commercials for Skip-Its and Ballzakits. Finally, LeVar Burton appeared on the screen and I began to sing, “Butterfly in the sky, I can fly twice as high, just take a look it’s in a book, The Reading Rainbow.” My imagination soared with the butterfly; LeVar Burton was my hero.

Books are a huge part of my life. Chills run up my spine as I read Laura Ingalls Wilder’s The Long Winter, even in the middle of a hot, Missouri summer. Little Women always teaches me a new lesson, and I fall in love with Mr. Darcy when I pull Pride and Prejudice off the shelf before the start of every semester. Life without books would be . . . empty and void. I keep Tribeca and Barnes & Noble in business—I can’t leave those stores without a new book in hand. Last fall, Dad complained that he nearly broke his back carrying my 50-gallon tub full of books from the basement to my room on first floor. “You need to get rid of some of these books before you graduate,” Dad grunted as he dropped the tub on the floor. My emphatic reply? “I can’t get rid of my books, Dad!”

Dad surprised me this summer by suggesting I research Barnes & Noble’s NOOK, a competitor of Amazon’s famous electronic book, the Kindle. I was hesitant at first—nothing can replace the pure bliss of turning the page of a book. An electronic book? No thank you. But then again, this was Dad suggesting a way for me to buy more books, so I did some research.

The original NOOK matched Amazon’s Kindle in every way—instant wireless access to over 2 million books, paper-like text, long battery life, lending options, and note taking and highlighting features. The difference between the two products? Amazon created one and Barnes & Noble the other. That's it. But this fall, Barnes & Noble is raising the bar.

On November 19, 2010, Barnes & Noble will release the NOOKcolor. The NOOKcolor screen fills the once gray world of electronic reading with color—16 million colors on an LG screen, to be precise. With continued wi-fi capabilities, Android 2.1, and 8GB of storage, the NOOKcolor is taking a giant leap forward, leaving the Kindle and iPad behind.

The NOOK’s sleek design invites the reader to get lost in a book. At eight inches tall and five inches wide, the NOOK is the size of a typical book cover. At half an inch thick and weighing under a pound, the NOOK’s light weight tempts the reader to carry it everywhere. The seven-inch color touch screen allows readers to access over a million books and magazines with the touch of a finger. The screen runs at a high resolution and is back-lit, making reading easy on the eyes, no matter the time of day.

But looks aren’t everything.

The NOOKcolor sports techie features that make the most refined reader drool. Each NOOKcolor comes equipped with wi-fi—no annual fee (it’s part of the original expense). The unlimited wi-fi allows readers to download their favorite books, or that new release, regardless of location. Owners of NOOKcolor also stay in touch with the world with one-touch, instant access to social networking sites like facebook and twitter.

Like the iPhone, NOOKextras allows the reader to download applications outside of books. Readers tune in to Pandora radio or upload their own MP3s to enjoy their favorite music while they read. Want a break? Other applications include games like Sudoku and chess.

Need to work on the go? No problem. The NOOKcolor uses Quickoffice, allowing readers to view Microsoft Office documents as well as saving and transferring PDF and JPEG files. Whether reviewing the job at home or during the long commute to the office, Barnes & Noble’s NOOKcolor keeps businessmen connected.

With access to over two million books, downloadable applications like Pandora and Sudoku, and on-the-go access to Microsoft Office, the only fear a NOOKcolor owner has is space. The vast 8GB will seemingly slip away fast, but don’t panic—simply slide a memory card into the back of your NOOKcolor and, viola—unlimited space.

I’ve grown up and life has changed, but I can still fly. PBS no longer airs The Reading Rainbow. LaVar Burton only appears on my screen when I watch Star Trek reruns on the science-fiction network. I can’t remember all the lyrics to my favorite childhood show, though I can still hum the tune. For me, there’s a new reading rainbow: the NOOKcolor.

can you hear me now?

2010-10-30T16:04:00.001-05:00

“I’m sorry, what did you say? I didn’t hear you.” As soon as those words cross my lips, I see the other person’s reaction. I wince as their eyes roll & a deep, frustrated sigh escapes their lips. “You’re just not listening, Lynnae. Pay attention.” They repeat their question & I answer accordingly, but my mind slips back to a time they don’t know.

I contracted chicken pox from Jarid, my older brother, when I was eighteen months old. Mom says she couldn’t place the tip of her pinkie anywhere on my body without touching the bright red blisters. They covered my face, arms, legs & back, they were between my fingers & toes, down my throat, & in my ears. Just looking at the pictures makes me itch. The common childhood disease passed quickly, but the effects changed my life.

Mom held me, a screaming three-year-old, in her arms as she called the doctor’s office. “I need an appointment for Lynnae. . . . No, not in two weeks. Today.” Mom knew the office would close soon—it was Saturday—but she was desperate. I had been screaming for an hour. My ears where throbbing. Though I don’t remember the pain of that first experience, I remember others. The pain is indescribable. Mom finally haggled the nurse into an after-hours appointment that day. Eventually, the pain subsided & I stopped screaming.

That doctor’s appointment started years of monthly ear appointments. The chicken pox I contracted at eighteen months developed into Otitis Media, water on the ear in layman’s terms. The screaming was my eardrum bursting for the first time—my left eardrum would burst another three times & my right eardrum twice before I turned eight.

Unlike most kids my age, I loved going to the doctor’s office. Books & toys filled the waiting room—hour long waits seemed to fly bye as I read Dr. Seuss’ Lorax & caught up with Ranger Rick in Highlighter. The waiting room slowly emptied as I waited my turn. Finally, a nurse with red hair called my name, directed Mom & I to a room filled with medical equipment, & notified us that, “Dr. Hahn will be right with you.” I sat in a leather chair with more contraptions than a dentist’s chair & waited for Dr. Hahn.

A few minutes later, Dr. Hahn entered the room. Dr. Fredrick Hahn is one of my favorite people: I always smiled when he entered the room. A white laboratory coat covered his sixty-something year old, slender six-foot figure. The troll with neon blue hair peeking out of his pocket would seem strange, until you noticed that Dr. Hahn’s hair, though white, seems to be styled the same: a mix of Einstein & Doc Brown from Back to the Future. He completes the look with a headb& connected to a circular mirror that leaves a red indention on his forehead.

During the appointment, Dr. Hahn cleaned my ears with a metal funnel & tweezers & checked the condition of my eardrum. He always allowed Mom to look in my ear & explained to both of us, in medical & layman’s terms, the condition of my eardrum. Before the appointment ended, he dictated the details of my visit to his computer—just by talking. To me, Dr. Hahn just the man who took care of me & called me his favorite red-headed patient, to the world, Dr. Fredrick Hahn was the foremost ear doctor: leagues ahead of his colleagues.

Mom & I left Dr. Hahn’s office & headed down the hall to my hearing test with Dr. Hare. The room looked like a recording studio: an outer room with sound equipment for the audiologist & a sound-proof room for the patient. I saw Mom & the doctor through a thick glass window as I sat in the sound-proof room with headphones on & the testing began. Static buzzed in one of my ears while I repeated words to Dr. Hare. “Oatmeal, airplane, thermos,” he read each word distinctly, separating the syllables. The yellow paper covered his lips, stopping me from lip-reading. I cheated anyway. After five years of testing, I had the list memorized. I knew my hearing was declining, but something in me didn’t want him to know. If I couldn’t hear one syllable, I simply guessed the word from what I did hear. He fluxuated the volume, testing my hearing range. In my least favorite test, Dr. Hare used beeps instead of words. The beeps reverberated in my brain for hours afterwards.

In October 1996, Dr. Hahn delivered devastating news. I needed surgery. The bursting caused my eardrums to lie across my middle ear bones. Fluid built up beneath the eardrum & caused two of the three bones in my left ear to deteriorate completely. Without surgery, I would lose hearing in my left ear completely. My world shattered. Within a few weeks, Mom worked with the doctor’s office to schedule my first surgery: December 30, 1996.

The morning of the surgery, Dad & Mom drove me the half-mile to Independence Regional Hospital. A nurse directed us to a cold, white room in the children's wing. She blushed & apologized as she handed Mom an adult's hospital gown, "Sorry, we're out of gowns in her size.--Oh, & she'll have to remove all of her clothes for surgery." My eyes bugged out of my head--all of my clothes? I couldn't understand why I had to remove my underwear when they were operating on my ears. Mom just laughed & helped me change. The gown swam around me. Mom wove the ties in & out of the arm holes & around my waist for a snug fit. After I changed, nurses prepped me for surgery. Sticky pads connected me to a heart monitor—I couldn’t move without tangling cords.

Then, we waited for Dr. Hahn to arrive. We waited for an hour. Literally.

Dr. Hahn arrived at 8:30 am, flashed a smile & donned his white lab coat. I tried to act brave as I left my parents & a nurse wheeled me to the operating room.

When I got to the operating room, a male nurse transferred me to a new bed. Horror filled my heart as he lifted me off of the bed--what if my gown separated? My heart stopped thumping only when I safely reached the operating table. The anesthesiologist strapped a cherry-scented breathing mask to my face. For the next three hours I endured the horrible scent of cherry-flavored medicine. Disgusting. Before I had a chance to evaluate the room around me, Dr. Hahn’s head appeared above me, “We can begin. She’s asleep.” I panicked. “I’m awake, I’m awake!” my head screamed. The world began to spin around me. I fell asleep staring at the cold operating lamp above me.

I awoke in a panic. “Where am I? Why am I connected to all these wires?” I struggled to roll over & untangle myself. “Good morning, Sunshine!” I almost wet the hospital gown I was wearing. As I rolled over, Dad leaned forward & placed his face just centimeters form my own.

The surgery was a success. The following June Dr. Hahn performed the same surgery, a tempanoplasty, on my right ear. I still have moderate hearing loss, but it could be worse.

I can hear you now—most of the time.

So the next time I ask you to repeat something don’t get angry or frustrated. Though sometimes I don’t hear, I promise I’m listening.

kansas city lights

2010-10-24T23:11:00.001-05:00

Christmas in Kansas City, for my family, begins the day after Thanksgiving. My parents rise early on Black Friday, not to beat the crowds to the department stores and malls, but to select the perfect tree for our living room. The sun is just breaking the grey morning sky when they return home with their prize. When I hear them enter, I jump out of bed and run to the large, grey radio in the kitchen. Within a few minutes, to Mom’s and my delight and my brother’s groaning, Christmas music fills the house.

As soon as we are dressed, my sister Crystal and I climb up a rickety ladder to the sweltering attic to pull Hallmark boxes full of ornaments and decorations into the living room. We untangle strands of white, blue, and red lights, select ornaments, and decorate the tree. By lunch, the tree stands by the front window, displaying it’s Christmas glory to the neighborhood. After lunch, Dad accompanies Craig, Jarid, and I to the attic to find the lights for the house. Mom hears thumps and laughter float through the ceiling as the four of us string the house with lights. Within a couple hours, a bead of white lights ices the house.

When I leave for school a few days later, I leave knowing that Christmas has come to Kansas City.

When I return home for Christmas break in mid-December, Kansas City greets me with snow and the twinkle of millions of lights. Sometime in the first week home, Mom and I drive around the city just to see all the lights on the houses. From the poor district where I grew up to the ritzy houses downtown, all of Kansas City celebrates the season with lights. Reds, greens, blues, and whites ice the eaves of the houses. Some race around the structure, others twinkle on and off, but most emit a steady, constant glow.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in Kansas City.

The highlight of my Christmas holiday includes a family trip to downtown Kansas City and the Country Club Plaza. The Hallmark complex, located in the center of downtown, hosts a myriad of holiday family activities: ice skating, shopping, fine dining, and theatres. The grey December sky contrasts the illumination of the Mayor’s Christmas tree, our first stop. My family and I stand bundled beneath a 40-foot tree, gazing up at the slightly twisted pine strung with wooden ornaments and white lights. Eight-foot Nutcrackers guard the tree and the children play on a large train that surrounds the base. Bare trees iced with lights line the sidewalk up to the outdoor ice rink where a hundred people laugh as they skate in circles. The crowds thicken as we leave the biting winds and enter Crown Center.

The doors of Crown Center open to a large food court where a community high school or church choir sings Christmas carols. Mom and I hum along as we listen. My family wanders from store to store with no goal in mind except the annual visit to the train store. Crown Center and the Hallmark complex are connected by a little hallway that houses a train store. I remember visiting the train store every Christmas since I was five. Christmas would not be complete without watching the trains race around little villages and through tree-covered mountains.

As much as I love the lights and buzz of Crown Center, nothing compares to the Plaza lights. As Dad drives us a few blocks south of downtown, we are transported to Old World Spain. Buildings mimicking Sevilla, Spain, rise on both sides and the streets are lined with cars from around the world. Dad maneuvers the car between people, cars, and horse-pulled carriages to find a parking spot on the upper level of a parking deck. Christmas greets us as we step up to the snow-covered railing under the sky. Christmas music spills from every store and the sidewalks buzz with patrons as they shop for the perfect gift. The sharp clip-clop of horse hooves on the pavement sounds natural and drowns out the blaring car horns.

It’s Christmas in Kansas City.

Christmas is more than the sounds of Christmas music, laughter, and horses. As I step out of the car, I silence the noise around me and around. The real Christmas beauty isn’t captured by sound but by sight. Dad and I look down the street, not at the people, but at the lights. Thousands of Christmas lights outline the Plaza’s Spanish architecture against the black December sky. For a few minutes, the world disappears--it’s just Dad and me standing by the railing looking at the stars and Christmas lights.

As we drive home, Karen Carpenter’s smooth alto fills the car, “Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays.” I have to agree. For me, nothing is better than Kansas City’s light.

It’s Christmas in Kansas City.

happy birthday to who?

2010-10-15T18:25:00.001-05:00

September 23, my baby brother, Craig, celebrated his twentieth birthday. Throughout the day he received birthday wishes in a variety of forms: face-to-face greetings, the buzz of a text message, and posts on his facebook wall. Craig and I celebrated his birthday together eating Taco Bell and laughing at all his undesired attention. Friends, family, and strangers contacted him nonstop wishing him well on his birthday. As outgoing as he is, Craig hates receiving that much attention. While we laughed at his ridiculous responses, Craig delivered food for thought. He suggested that we wish Mom happy birthday, since, “she did all the work.” I almost choked on my Burrito Supremo. Mom?

Craig’s thought haunted me. Why don’t I wish Mom “Happy Birthday”? Yes, Mom birthed me, but what she birthed in me is greater. Nearly every aspect of my daily life connects to an idea or belief she instilled in me. Without Mom, in essence, I cease to exist. She created me.

First, Mom birthed in me the desire to serve. Mom serves everywhere. As I grew up, Mom worked at home to help pay the bills. The hum of her sewing machine filled the house. She never complained about working, in fact, she loved helping Dad. In 1996, her Alma Mater, Tri-City Christian School, hired her to teach art classes. Since then her roles have grown to include computer classes, office work, alumni coordination, and running the lunch room. Her impact on hundreds of students in the past fourteen years amazes me. She makes herself available to both staff and students, no matter how busy her schedule. She serves wherever she is asked, never expecting or wanting praise. A smile always adorns her face—even when life seems to be spiraling out of control. As I watched her minister, I learned that the reward of serving outweighs self-promotion.

Mom also taught me to overcome my fears. As a young child, thunderstorms terrified me. The booming sound of thunder sent me running to Mom—even in the dead of night. Dad’s strict “no child in my bed” rule left me crouched on the floor by their bed, trembling in the darkness. Mom always knew I was there. Her hand stretched out of the darkness and connected with mine. The terrifying booms faded and I fell asleep beside her bed, tightly grasping Teddy and her hand. Her hand comforted me—gave me courage to face the unknown. When I found out I had to have ear surgery, I clung to Mom’s hand. She sat with me, holding my hand and encouraging me with Scripture. While teaching me to overcome my fears, she birthed in me the necessity to turn to Christ for all things.

Craig’s comment set my mind in motion—I considered all that Mom birthed in me. When I returned to the dorm after dinner with Craig, I got on facebook and wished Mom happy birthday. I thanked her for not only birthing Craig, but also for birthing so much of my character as well. Two weeks later Mom sent me an e-mail that changed my life.

On October 4, Mom celebrated her fortieth spiritual birthday. My “happy birthday” made her think about her spiritual birthday. She shared that, like Craig, she had no part in her spiritual birth. Her salvation was a result of Christ’s labor of love on the cross.

Once again, “happy birthday” set my mind in motion.

On December 17, 1996, one week after my eighth birthday, Mom became my spiritual mother. With trembling knees and a heavy heart, I talked to Mom about salvation as Dad and the boys packed for a hunting trip. She took me to her room, wrapped her arms around me, and pulled out her old leather-bound Bible. Nothing else mattered. For twenty minutes she turned the thin pages and labored over me. She led me to Christ.

Her labor of love didn’t stop there. Every day we celebrate our “happy birthdays” together by sharing what God continues to teach us about Himself. The email I received on October 5 showed Mom’s deep love and compassion for me. I stopped in awe as I read her email. She is the reason I celebrate my spiritual birthday. Christ has, and continues to, use her to grow me in Him.

I never expected Craig’s birthday to incite so much thought, but it did. Who do you wish “happy birthday” to? Who has impacted and shaped you?

For me, the answer is Mom.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

blank pages--journal 5

2010-10-04T16:13:00.000-05:00

A blank page inspires me. Whether plain or lined, the page asks me to fill it. The scrambled thoughts in my head surge down my arms to my fingers until they spill onto the page. The ambiguous cloud of thoughts forms structured lines of processed thoughts. The page fills as letters form words, words form sentences, and sentences form paragraphs. My thoughts become reality: I am writing.

I speak through writing. To whom do I speak? Myself. Yes, I enjoy talking to others. In fact, Dad says sometimes I hardly know when to shut up, but sometimes I need to talk to myself. Writing my thoughts down allows me to think through them more clearly. I balance the pros and cons; I think through situations from multiple angles. I write. I don’t edit or evaluate what spills onto the page. Nouns don’t always agree with their verbs, and that’s ok. I simply write, letting the thoughts flow, unedited.

Writing nails my feet to the floor—keeps me from floating away on cloud nine. Evaluations come later, when I take the time to read my thoughts on the page.

Every year Dad feeds my writing habit by giving me a new journal. I prefer leather-bound, lined journals. The leather binding gives flexibility and the lined pages satisfy my obsessive desire for neatness. Journals of various shapes, colors, and sizes line my bookshelves. The thoughts that fill the journals vary as widely as the journals themselves. My personality fills every journal, every page, and every line. Journaling bans nothing. I write about everything—my hopes and my fears, my dreams and my disasters. Thoughts escape and live as I write them down.

Words, once absent, now fill this page. What will fill the pages of my next journal? Words, thoughts, life—me.

the secret garden--journal 4

2010-09-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

The long drive home and back to college this weekend gave me plenty of time to read The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgeson Burnett. The nine hour drive Sunday afternoon married the messages of the morning and the fantasy world of Misselthwait Manor in my mind. My thoughts compared the beauty of the secret garden to the peace I have in Christ.

I have always loved the story of The Secret Garden. I remember watching the movie over and over again in elementary, but time passed and I forgot about the beautiful garden. The story captured me once again after hearing Broadway’s version on an ipod at camp this summer. As soon as I returned home, I bought the CD for myself and listened to it religiously during the first two weeks at college. I finally bought the book last week and determined to read it during my trip home this weekend. And I did.

The magic of the story returned as soon as I opened the cover. Peaceful thoughts filled me as I delved deeper into the book. I could hardly wait to turn the page and read by the glow of a flashlight when the sun went down. Nothing could keep me from the words on the page. Well, almost nothing. As I read I was reminded of a verse I heard in Sunday School. Matthew 11:28 says, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and hare heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

For Mary Lennox and Colin Craven, peace and rest are represented by the “Magic” of the secret garden, but that is not true peace. God is peace. He promises the heavy-laden and overburdened ease and relief. He knows and can give exactly what is needed.

Distress is a part of life. Like Mary and Colin, I become overwhelmed with circumstances and only see the gray, dead world around me. Selfishness blinds the beauty that surrounds me; it separates me from the peace I have in Christ. If I listen to the voice of God and cultivate my soul to grow in Him, a secret garden will grow within me.

jello & dreams

2010-09-22T22:52:00.000-05:00

I hate jello. Nothing about watered-down, partially-solidified Kool-Aid sounds edible to me. The thought of jello jiggling down my throat makes me cringe. Friends & family who delight in this dessert disaster confuse me. Sure, jello jiggles & invokes laughter in young children, but who really wants to eat a dessert that still moves in its final form. And don't get me started on putting fruit chunks inside. *Bleck!*

Opinionated? Absolutely.

Now, to completely change subject (I'll get to the connection in a second), I love to dream. Spare minutes, whether between classes or riding in the car, fill my mind with hopes & dreams. Scraps of paper & blank pages disappear quickly as I quickly try to capture the thoughts running through my brain. I currently keep up with three journals. Yes, you read that correctly: three.

Obsessed? Maybe.

In devos this week, Holly related dreams to jello. Dreams, like jello, conform to the shape of the mold they are in. The conformity deceives, though. A slight jiggle or squeeze changes the shape indefinitetly. I dislike jello because I cannot grasp it. If I grab too tightly, the jello oozes between my fingers & falls to the ground. My dreams are the same way, when I hold onto them tightly, they fall apart.

Dreams & jello must be held with care--hands open & palms to the sky. As a dreamer, I hold tightly to my dreams. I built them with sweat & tears, so I don't to see them destroyed or changed. How could they get any better? I built them.

But that's the problem. I built them. How can my dreams get better? By letting the Master Architect take over. By giving God complete control. When I hold my dreams like I hold jello--hands open, palms to the sky--I am allowing Him to shape my dreams for the best.

Carey Scmidt, author of Life Quest, uses Jeremiah 29:11 describes God's plan for my dreams this way, "He's [God] notonly thinking of me, He's thinking good thoughts [emphasis mine]. . . . But He doesn't stop there. It gets better. . . . He continues unabashedly unveiling His passionate heart for you. He says that He's thinking thoughts of peace to bring you to an expected end--a quest with a delightful destination! Those words expected end literally mean an arrival at the things you've hoped for or the fulfillment of the deepest longings of your heart. Are you falling in love with this God as much as I am?"

I am.

Dreams are jello, so don't hold on too tight, or they'll ooze between your fingers.

first impressions--journal 3

2010-09-20T23:20:00.004-05:00

As I was reading “The Mousetrap,” a mystery play by Agatha Christie, thoughts of first impressions came to my mind. “The Mousetrap” traps the characters and audience in the newly opened Monkswell Manor guest house during a snow storm. First impressions cause Mollie and Giles Ralston, the owners of Monkswell Manor, to question the character of their guests. Secrets hide the truth and a twist ending surprises all. Though the Ralstons and their guests are creations of Agatha Christie, assumptions based on first impressions occur often in real life.

Each new segment of my life brings change. Some changes I run to with anticipations, others I crawl slowly toward, afraid of the outcome. Whether I run with anticipation or crawl with fear, change involves people and first impressions. New semesters bring new roommates, camp brought new coworkers, and each camp week brought three to nine new campers. My first impressions of these new people are as varied as their individual personalities. My initial reaction to new people often parallels Giles’s attitude: everyone is weird.

Counseling at camp this summer showed me the flaws I make with first impressions. Every Monday for nine weeks, I met and made assumptions about new campers. I based my assumptions on church membership, dress height, and weight. Before I knew her name, I mentally evaluated the joy and trials my camper would bring to the cabin. The second week of junior camp brought four bubbly, hyper girls to my cabin. I anticipated a fun, stress-free week. I was wrong. Every day was filled with the constant giggling of four disobedient girls. Frustration filled me as I reprimanded them at every turn. My first impression was dead wrong. The angel-faced eight-year-olds I welcomed on Monday morning brought me to my knees multiple times throughout each day. By the end of the week, I realized that second impressions deceive as well. The four girls God sent me that week were what I needed to become more like Christ.

water--journal 2

2010-09-12T21:35:00.002-05:00

As I was reading a quote by Helen Keller this weekend, I was struck with the impact my words have on myself and those around me. The life of Helen Keller has always interested me, so I jumped at the opportunity to read The Miracle Worker, a play on Keller’s childhood, for one of my dramatic production classes last year. Keller lived in a dark and silent world almost from birth. Until Anne Sullivan arrived and began to teach her, Keller never knew the beauty and wonder of the world that surrounded her. Sullivan’s games brought light to Keller’s world. Years later Keller looked back on the day she first understood the language Sullivan was teaching: “The mystery of language was revealed to me. I knew then that ‘water’ meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand. That living word awakened my soul, gave it light, joy, set it free!”

Words are powerful. I can affect a friend’s attitude just by my words. Keller said that words “awakened my soul, gave it light, joy, set it free.” What I have to say can bring light and joy to others. Counseling at a Christian camp this summer gave me opportunity to watch God use my words to brighten the lives of others. When my own wisdom and words failed, which was often, I delighted to see God speak through me. One Friday evening I was able to sympathize with a camper because of a personal trial God had already brought me through. God gave me the words she and I both needed so we could in turn give glory to Him. As I related my story to her, God brought verses to my mind. Ephesians 3:20-21 says, “Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end, Amen.” The words of God’s promise awakened, brightened, filled, and freed me in the same way that the knowledge and understanding of ‘water’ impacted Keller.

castles in the air

2010-09-06T11:59:00.001-05:00

Writing has always been a passion of mine, so a required class titled 'Advanced Writing' tickled my fancy. What could possibly be more fun than a class about writing? Each week I have to turn in a journal assignment that begins "As I was reading __________ this weekend, a thought struck me . . ." Being the planner that I am, I was anticipating writing my first journal entry on a new book I am reading, but my plans were changed when Mandy Jo gave me a journal she bought for me in China.

The cover reads 'DREAM' in big, bold, red letters. I was excited just by the cover--I love dreams! --but the real treasure are the pages between the covers. Pictures of sea & landscapes fill the book with little quotes on life & dreaming sprinkled along the way. Of course, there is pleanty of room to write as well. Mandy Jo could not have selected a better gift!

Homework was a quick & easy task this weekend & I soon found myself bored. Reading was an option, but I really wasn't in the mood. As I scanned my desk, my eyes caught the little DREAM journal. What fun it would be to fill those blank pages! I sat at my desk for five minutes or more contemplating what to fill the blank spaces with. Then it hit me. Why not write down my dreams--the realistic & fanciful, plausible & impractical--in the book filled with quotes on dreams?

Almost immediately, a quote by Henry David Thoreau came to mind. With the aid of google, I quickly located the entire quote, which, in turn, sparked the idea for my journal entry this week. Below is the entire quotation (I love the whole passage) & part of my writing assignment. Be encouraged! Dream big & build your castles in the air!

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favour in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” (Thoreau, Walden)

Thoreau’s encouragement brings to mind so many of God’s promises to me, particularly those of his thoughts for me and His will for the direction of my life. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that God has thoughts and plans for my life that exceed my wildest dreams. The castles He would build for me are far greater than any I could build for myself.

I am, without a doubt, a dreamer. I desire to accomplish great things with my life: I want to change the world! Thoreau’s quote sparked thoughts of my “castles in the air.” My castles have changed shape and size over the years. Why? because of Psalm 37:4, “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” As I have grown closer to my Lord I have learned that Psalm 37:4 is not saying that I should only obey God so I will get what I want, but rather that the more I delight and grow in my knowledge of the person of God, the more I will want what God wants for my life. I want to have built great, majestic castles in my dreams and I want to see them become a reality, but more than anything, I want God to be the master architect of my life. He helps me craft beautiful castles and gives me the ability to build the foundations I need to bridge fantasy and reality.

the best I can give

2010-07-19T08:46:00.000-05:00

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight, & the sin which doth so easily beset us,
& let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith:
who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame, & is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

The God & I study for the campers at Southland this summer focuses on the race of the Christian life. It has been a joy to dive into Hebrews 12 & learn how to run the race Christ has set before me without the weight of sin, focused on the prize He has placed before me.

During teen weeks, I have the opportunity to discuss the day’s devotion in depth with the girls in my cabin. Each week God has stretched my thinking & shown me something new & amazing about Himself.

This past week I was talking with one of my campers about the awesome sacrifice that Christ paid for my sins & yet the frustration I experience realizing that I don’t give God what He deserves. As we walked around the empty, quiet ball-field she looked at me & said, “The best we can give God is the least of what He deserves.” I stopped in shock. How true! God gave everything. He held nothing back. He sent His Son to pay for my sin. Even if I live the rest of my life in full dedication to Him, it would only be a drop in the bucket of the payment He deserves.

Though I can’t dream to repay Him for His merciful grace, I want to run the rest of my race according to His will: with energy, enthusiasm, endurance, & without encumbrance.

TUESDAY: RUN WITH ENERGY
The Tuesday devotional discusses the physical & mental energy needed to run a race. Mark 12:30 commands Christians to give the Lord ALL their heart, soul, mind, & strength. Discipline & hard work are needed to train the body to undergo long distances physically, but mental energy is more important. A runner may have the physical training necessary to complete a race, but if he/she starts the race with a negative spirit, then the race is lost before it has begun. If I want to be victorious in my Christian race I must first win mentally—Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

“I work as though it all depends on me & I pray as though it all depends on God.” –D.L. Moody

WEDNESDAY: RUN WITH ENTHUSIASM
If you have ever met me or seen me as I cheer on one of my teams, you know that I fill my life with energy! Southland keeps a rather unhealthy stock of giant jawbreakers for campers to buy. During junior weeks you cannot escape the presence of those disgusting, sticky, white balls! The campers never put them down & the evidence is left all over their face—around the corners of their mouth, down their chin, & even on the underside of their nose! It’s rather disgusting! During the last junior week a church sponsor asked me if I ate one of those detestable sugar balls to keep up my energy. “No,” I laughed with only a hint of distain, “God has just naturally given me the energy in one of those things.”

Enthusiasm is defined in our God & I books as a “strong urgent desire or interest. . . . a compelling power that overcomes all obstacles.” Our culture depicts an enthusiastic personality as one who is the life of the party, but a spiritual enthusiast is one who gets excited about God. One who exuberantly shows his/her love for God & His Word.

For me, the most eye-opening part of this lesson is a list of activities I am to rate from 1 to 10 pertaining to my enthusiasm: watching a sporting event, listening to sermons, eating, God & I time, memorizing Scripture, ect. Sadly, as I look down the list, I realize that I am more enthusiastic about the secular, not the sacred. That shouldn’t be! I should be giving Christ my ALL! He gave everything for me; “the best we can give God is the least of what He deserves.”

At the end of the study, the campers are asked to list the names of people who have influenced them because of their enthusiasm for Christ. Then, another kicker question: “Would any of your friends write your name down?”

Well, would they?

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be the same person you’ve always been.

THURSDAY: RUN WITHOUT ENCUMBRANCE
For those of you who are racking your brain for the definition of encumbrance, let me help you: weights. There are two types of encumbrances that Christians must put off—sins & weights.

Weights are unnecessary baggage that we carry with us through life. There is nothing sinful about a weight except the limitations they put on the runner. I Corinthians 9:24-27 encourages the spiritual runner to “run that ye may obtain” & to “strive for the mastery.” How? By bringing your body “into subjection, lest that by any means you should be a castaway.”

I usually describe it this way. At the end of each meal, the campers pass their plates to me. Anything left on their plate, ketchup, half-eaten sandwiches, fries, ect., is scraped onto the top plate for easy disposal. Sounds delicious, right? When we fail to bring our body into subjection, we are offering God the castaways, that top plate. That’s disgusting!

Weights are priorities, people, pleasures, places and possessions that are given more attention than God & His Word. The weights differ from person to person. What do you need to get rid of?

The second encumbrance is sin. These must be gotten rid of because they do harm. Multiple times throughout Scripture, Christians are encouraged to “lay aside” or “put off” characteristics of the old, sinful man. In the same motion of putting off, the Christian must find something to put on & replace that old sin habit. What is the best thing to put on & fight sin? Scripture.

FRIDAY: RUN WITH ENDURANCE
Friday is possibly my favorite discussion. In their God & I time, the girls read the first eleven verses of Hebrews 12, encouraging them to run with patience, which can be translated as endurance. Endurance is the ability to run a long distance with consistent energy. I am to give Christ 100% 100% of the time (I know that looks confusing, but it’s true!) As the booklet puts it: “the Bible compares the Christian life to a race: not just a 100-yard dash, but a marathon.”

A second thing we discuss is the fact that Christ is the “author & finisher of our faith.” Being a literature person, I love this illustration. God is the author of my life. He has written every year, month, day, & hour. What could be more awesome than that? The fact that He has already completed the book. As I live out one sentence, He has already finished the book. All I have to do is follow His will & I will have the best “happily ever after.” I love it. As much as I love to read, my life is the best page-turner I will ever pick up.

“For I know the plans I have for you, saith the Lord,

thoughts of peace & not of evil to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11

“For the Lord God is a sun & shield, the Lord will give grace & glory;

no good thing will He withhold form them that walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

“For I, the Lord thy God, will hold thy right hand,

saying unto thee, “Fear not, I will help thee.” Isaiah 40:13

wrong thinking

2010-07-17T18:27:00.001-05:00

“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times . . .”

As your mom or dad jambs their finger in your face and repeats that well-worn phrase for the millionth time you roll your eyes & turn off your ears. They’ll have to say it again later because you’re still not listening . . . true?

Sadly, we sometimes treat church messages the same way. After a simple introduction of the passage things like, “Uh, I’ve already heard this message. I could preach this message I’ve heard it so many times. Does this guy have any other messages or illustrations?” run through our heads. Before the message starts, we’ve already rolled our eyes & turned off our ears. In our minds we complain about the wasted thirty to forty minutes that lie ahead.

That’s wrong thinking.

Last week, I found myself wallowing in disappointment & selfishness as the preacher stood to deliver God’s word. “I’ve already heard this message,” I thought. “Doesn’t he have something else he could speak on?” How selfish! I had the gall to look back through the blue composition book that sat in my lap, look at the notes & considered not taking notes because I “already have this anyway.” Instead, with a sigh of boredom, I opened the book to a clean page & prepared to take notes. On the same message. For a third time. Filled with a complaining spirit, I wrote across the top of the page: Does he have any other illustrations/messages?

I wish I could tell you that as soon as I wrote those horrible, selfish words, I marked them out. But I didn’t. In fact, I started grudgingly taking notes. As Brother DeGuarde preached, those words seemed to lift from the page. “WRONG THINKING! WRONG THINKING!” my head screamed! The Holy Spirit grabbed a hold of my heart & I was ashamed. After ten minutes of conviction because of words I wrote myself, the top of my page said:
Does he have any other illustrations/messages? <---wrong thinking
What does God still need to teach me (through this message)? <---right thinking

All I had to do was change my perspective. Though I have been saved for over a decade, there is still much for me to learn. I should never come to a service with the predisposed thinking that I have nothing else to learn. You & I have heard it before: repetition aids learning. How true.

So, the next time you sit down in a service & begin to shut down because “I’ve heard this a thousand times,” give yourself a mental check & don’t be tempted by wrong thinking.

you are now entering your mission field

2010-06-28T09:31:00.001-05:00

Going to a Bible college with a missions emphasis, I have often heard the phrase "You are now entering your mission field" (mostly thanks to Mr. Trainer). Though I have heard that phrase hundreds of times, I never let it become real to me.

Until this week.

I guess I should start at the beginning.

Monday was a repeat of the past two weeks—breakfast, choir practice, accountability groups, lunch, then—CAMPERS! Like every week, I was a little apprehensive of meeting my new campers (I know I seem really out going, but there is a shy side to me . . . I promise). This week was a smaller week (4-5 campers per cabin & 4 guy counselors without cabins at all) & I was selfishly looking forward to getting a little rest. I mean, how hard can it be? Four junior campers. I had 7 teens!

Boy, was I wrong.

My four campers were FULL of life. I know what you’re thinking, “Well, Lynnae, you got campers just like you!” But that’s not true! If you would have known me as a junior camper, you would never have thought I would be as outgoing as I am now!

Anyway, we had tons of fun this week (as we should, after all, it is camp!). I had prayed before the week began that God would (1) teach me where to change & (2) that I would be able to lead someone to the Lord.

He granted one of my requests.

The one that reminded me to “be careful what you wish for.”

Early in the week all of my girls gave clear salvation testimonies, so I knew that my second request would have to wait for the next camp week. But my desire to change? Yeah, God granted me that one.

My full of energy, hyper girls tried my patience. My fuse was short & sometimes, before they even started making noise, I was ready for them to be quiet. By Tuesday night it became very apparent where I needed to change—I needed patience.

But I didn’t learn my lesson right away. In fact, it took most of the week for me to open my eyes & see where I needed to change.

The week was filled with a variety of interesting, trying, & hilarious experiences. “Nap time” was filled with giggling girls & ‘Aunt Nae Nae’ would have them cover their mouths & face the wall. Jaw breaker suckers & coffee gave the girls extra energy (& subsequently more giggles), but overall, we had tons of fun, but Aunt Nae Nae was tired & short tempered.

Thursday & Friday were filled with small trials, adding to my irritant spirit. By Friday night, sadly, I just wanted to make it through.

That’s when God grabbed me & showed me the lesson He had been trying to teach me all week.

As the choir returned to their seats, Mike led the congregation in a song. The words cut me to the heart:

Let me see my mission field,
All around each day,

Fill my heart with Jesus’ love,

Use me, Lord, I pray.

As I sang I finally opened my eyes and looked around me. Those four hyper, bubbly girls were my mission field & I had missed it all week. Rather than focusing on how I could be an encouragement to them, I had been consumed with making sure they were conforming to my satisfaction.

My heart changed at that moment. My focus altered & I was ashamed. After 3 years of Bible college, I had missed one of the most important messages: “You are now entering your mission field.” This was the ministry I prayed for & that God so graciously gave me. And I let Him down.

Now on the wall next to my bed, where I can see it as soon as I wake up, is a little 3x5 card that says “You Are Now Entering Your Mission Field” to remind me each day that God has given me the mission field I asked for.

the man of my life

2010-06-20T20:53:00.002-05:00

Across America children from 3 to 103 are celebrating one important man. The man has a thousand different faces, comes in a variety of shapes & sizes, & may or may not have hair present on the top of his head. He is the man of a thousand faces, yet one thing can be agreed upon: he is the greatest man on earth. No one is faster, no one is stronger, & no one else can do what he does.

Have you figured out who he is?

It shouldn’t be hard considering today’s date. He’s your father. And whether you call him Dad, Pops, Daddyo, or Father, he is the most important man of your life.

I have been influenced by a multitude of men in the past 21 years, but one man stands above the rest. He’s the man of my life—he’s my dad. In my eyes, he can do no wrong (ok, so he does mess up sometimes, but I tend to overlook that), he can lift anything (including my 40 gallon tub filled to the brim with books), build anything, & you had better believe that my dad is faster, better, and stronger than your dad!

In church this morning, Pastor Wood took us to the Psalm for Fathers. Do you know what it is? Think a second . . . still can’t guess? Psalm 23.

The LORD is my shepherd: I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in still waters: He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me;

thy rod & thy staff they comfort me.

Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

Thou anointest my head with oil: my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness & mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

& I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Pastor Wood compared our earthly fathers to our heavenly Father. He pointed out that our fathers provide for our needs, protect us from a variety of areas, comforts me in times of need, & disciplines me when I need it most.

This summer the staff choir is singing From Everlasting to Everlasting. The first line grabbed my attention today & reminded me of the love that God has for me:

As a father has compassion on his children,

So the Lord has compassion on His own . . .

I can rest confidently in my heavenly Father, just as Psalm 23 says. God the Father provides for my every need, protects me from all harm, comforts me in times of need, & disciplines me when I need it most.

He is the man of my life.

kurango did WHAT??

2010-06-13T21:03:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are interested, this is my cabin cheer:

Kurango Did WHAT??

There once was a cabin

Of mighty reknown
All the wanted posters said,
"The Coolest Girls in Town".

We are the mighty outlaws

Of the Wagon Wheeler team

And being number one

Is our number one dream

Kurango Did WHAT??

Wore bright blue!
Kurango Did WHAT??

The Wagon Wheeler crew!

who is the King of glory?

2010-06-13T20:59:00.000-05:00

Junior Camp 1: Ron DeGarde

Who is the King of glory?
The Lord strong & mighty; the Lord mighty in battle.
(Psalm 24:8)

This week started with a little bit of apprehensive anticipation. After all, it was my first week of counseling! The counselors congregated in the chapel at 2 o'clock as we waited for the junior campers to flood in & begin the first week of Frontier Frenzy 2010. I'll admit, I was shakin' in my boots! God is good, though and it was an awesome week. I met my five junior campers, Ashleyn, Jennifer, Evelyn, Rachell, & Leslie, & we settled in for the exciting week to come. I couldn't wait to see how God would change each of us over the next 5 days.

During the evening service, Brother DeGarde introduced his theme for the week: Psalm 24:8. At each service he would say, "Who is the King of glory?" & the campers would reply, "The Lord strong & mighty; the Lord mighty in battle." That simple verse put my heart in check for the week--my God is the King of glory, He can do anything!

My apprehensiveness wore off as I got more comfortable with the girls & just enjoyed being a counselor at camp. Sometimes it was hard to get on to the girls (some of them are just so cute!), but overall they were well behaved & enthusiastic. Several times throughout the week my cabin could be heard reciting all the blue team cheers as well as screaming our cabin cheer at the the top of their lungs!

One thing God taught me this week was to praise Him even through difficult (or just plain interesting) situations. At the beginning of the week my shower began leaking into my closet. I thanked the Lord that I had a shower, closet, & a good supply of towels. On Wednesday, the plug in the tank of my toilet corroded to the point that the toilet would no longer flush. I thanked the Lord that I knew how to take care of the problem & theat Cody Bill would soon take care of the situation. Wednesday afternoon, after the watergame & swimming, we were blessed with an hour & a half of torrential downpours. I praised the Lord for the hour to get to know my girls (we were stranded in the cabin) & getting to know Rebecca, but I had a hard time praising Him for the leak that appeared above my bed. All in all, I learned to thank the Lord for what He has given me, especially maintainance men like Cody Bill who fixed all of my leaks & issues on Friday afternoon!

The Friday evening service is still ringing in my ears. I dedicated my life to full-time Christian service not long after being saved, but Brother DeGarde's message on surrendering reminded me that I must be continually living in dedication to God's will. Yes, I am still on the right track, but sometimes I have been a little distracted by selfish desires.

At the invitation, one of my campers went forward to dedicate her life to missions. It was so exciting to walk through the verses of how God has a plan for our lives with her! Afterwards, we went & talked with Tina, the lead counselor. She explained that we must keep our lives clean & ready to be used by the Lord.

What a rebuke! Am I an empty vessle, fit for the Master's use?

I hope so.

But there is one thing I know. When I am asked, "Who is the King of glory?" I will proudly answer, "the Lord strong & mighty; the Lord mighty in battle!" Through Him, I can do anything!

impossible is possible

2010-06-13T17:50:00.000-05:00

Counseling at a Christian camp is something I have always wanted to do, but with the cost of college rising and the amount of decent paying jobs dwindling, I just never thought it would be possible.

I never should have doubted my God, He can do the impossible.

During the fall semester, Dave Keck, program director at Southland Christian Camp, visited Maranatha to recruit college students for the summer. I have always wanted to counsel at a camp while in college. And counseling at Southland would be a dream come true!

My brother, Craig, & I sat and talked with him for a couple hours, but we just didn’t think it would be possible. All four of us siblings were in college that semester & money was tight. God had been faithful to provide for my school bill in the past, but I was hesitant to ask Him to provide for even more. The only way camp would be possible would be if the Lord gave Craig & I the military scholarship we were waiting for.

Looking back, I can see that I doubted that God could do the impossible. I had forgotten His promise from Luke1:37: “For with God nothing shall be impossible.” Without completely understanding why, knowing now that it was the Lord’s will, I filled out an application to work at Southland.

And soon forgot about it.

In January, the Lord provided the military scholarship Craig & I had been waiting on. The finances appropriated were enough to cover the spring and next fall semester. With finances for school taken care of, I began praying that the Lord would give me an opportunity to minister this summer. Camp still seemed impossible, so I applied to go on a missions trip with the college. Soon after being accepted, I felt the Lord leading me to decline attending the trip.

“What’s going on, Lord?” I thought. “I want to minister for you this summer in some capacity!”

I had no reason to worry or doubt God’s providence. He knew exactly what He was doing.

A few weeks after declining the ministry I thought I had been praying for, the Lord opened a door I wasn’t expecting & fulfilled one of my life-long dreams.

Mike Herbster, director of Southland, emailed me one afternoon asking if I was still interested in working at the camp in Louisiana for the summer. The excuse that I had given Dave in the fall was invalid: I didn’t need to spend my summer working at home to make my down payment, God had already supplied that.

The door was wide open. The dream I thought impossible was a possibility.

God truly can do the impossible.

the real cinderella

2010-03-27T21:58:00.001-05:00

In case you haven't noticed, I love fairytales. I know, I know, the title of my blog does gives that away, but I sincerely believe that everyone is part of their own fairytale. The masterful Author of life is writing an amazing fairytale just for me & you. Being a lover of fairytales, I have read Grimm's Fairytales & watched pretty much every Disney & other animated fairytales. But I found a new one.

This "new" fairytale is rather old. The story-line is slightly suggestive of Disney's Cinderella. But Walt & his artists' redition pales in comparison. Only one Author could write a story so amazing.

The Real Cinderella

Life was wonderful for Cinderella. She had been married for 10 years to her "prince". He & his family fled their home country & entered hers. Life was perfect: a dream come true.

But then things began to change. Eli, Cinderella's father-in-law, passed away. Then her brother-in-law. And then her prince. Suddenly, her perfect world was falling apart.

Left with nothing, Cinderella's mother-in-law, Mimi, desided to leave the country she had called home for a decade & return to the land of her people. Mimi blessed her daughters-in-law as she encouraged them to return to their families. They didn't want to leave her. They begged to return with Mimi to her home, but Mimi was resolute: she would return alone. Opi left, but Cinderella refused. She chose to give up everything, her home, her people, and her gods, just to stay with Mimi.

Mimi & Cinderella returned to Mimi's homeland completely destitute. They had nothing.

To provide for her aged mother-in-law & herself, Cinderella worked in local fields. Without knowing it, she began working in the field of the richest man in the land, Bo, who also happened to be a relation of Mimi. Bo noticed Cinderella. There was a sparkle in his eye as he asked his reapers who the foreign young lady was. When he was told, he could hardly contain his excitement. Bo's heart was racing when he met with Cinderell. He told her to only come to his field--he would make sure she left with plenty. He carefully concealed his identity; he did not want her to know who he was just yet.

At the end of the day she returned to Mimi with more than enough. Mimi was shocked & asked Cinderella to retell the events of her day. Cinderella shared everything, specifically the kindness of the rich land-owner, Bo. Mimi's eyes sparkled with excitement! Bo would be the natural & perfect match for Cinderella!

Mimi prepared a plan for Cinderella to meet with Bo. Following Mimi's explicit instructions, Cinderella met with Bo, asking him to fulfill his duty as a near kinsman by caring for Mimi & herself. Bo was delighted! But there was a problem. There was a man who was a closer relation & must be asked first. He sent Cinderella back to Mimi, reassuring her that he would rectify the situation.

Again, Cinderella returned to Mimi, telling her of Bo's promise. Mimi was encouraged, for Bo was a man of his word.

Early the next morning, Bo gathered officials of the city & the nearer relation of Mimi. As the men sat listening, Bo presented the relation with a grand opportunity--the land & wealth of Mimi's deceased husband. Greed swept through the relation. His eyes sparkled as he immediately agreed to claim the fortune.

"One more thing," said Bo, "you must also take Cinderella as your wife." (The laws of the land required a near relation to marry his deceased relation's wife in order to continue that man's family line.) That was a problem. The relation already had a wife & would not like another.

So, reluctantly, the man offered the wealth to Bo, who was next in line. The man took of his shoe (that's right, he lost a "slipper") to signify his promise to Bo.

Bo shook with excitement as he left the meeting. He ran quickly to the home of Mimi & told Cinderella the news. He was her prince!

Bo & Cinderella were married & soon Mimi was a gleaming grandma.

It is true, that Bo & Cinderella lived "happily ever after", but that is not the end of the story. You see, though she was a foreigner, Cinderella's great-grandson became the greatest king of that nation. And from that line came the an even greater king.

A fairytale written & recorded in a time which barely had history. A fairytale written by the most masterful Author, God Himself. If you haven't guessed already, the real Cinderella is Ruth of the Bible. Mimi is the faithful Naomi & her rich land-owning prince is Boaz. Their great-grandson is King David & from that line came the Savior of all mankind, Christ, the King of Kings.

remember. repent. repeat.

2010-01-18T22:40:00.000-06:00

"Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love."

Revelation 2:4

I know, I am an English major & my title for this post seems a little odd. Remember. Repent. Repeat. The title is more than three words, it's three imparative commands. Three "thou shalts", if you will. But here, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me give you some context. Last week we had spring revival services on campus with Dr. Tom Farrell. Though I have grown up under the preaching of this amazing man of God, I always know that the Lord will challenge me to change through Dr. Farrell's messages. This past week was no different.

On Monday, January 11, Dr. Farrell spoke on "The Danger of Desertion" from Revelation 2:4. His challenge: "have you left your first Love?" He introduced the answer of this question with an equation: Life - Love = NOTHING. Not the love of one man to another, though, as Christians, we are required to do so, but the love that I, a wretched sinner, show to my glorious Savior, Christ.

I am not articulate enough to persuade you with the passion of Dr. Farrell, but I will share with you his answer to "how would you know if you had left your first love?"

A coolness towards the Savior
"You will never work right until you worship right."
A caulousness about sin
"Can I prove by my watcing & listening that I really LOVE Christ?"
A contendtedness about self
"The closer you get to Jesus the less you will love yourself."
"Am I abhoring any & all sin that God points out?"
A carelessness about souls
"Here, read this & meet me in heaven someday."
A contendedness among the saints
The church belongs to Christ. I am honored to serve in it.

Dr. Farrell closed by challenging us with those three imparatives: Remember. Repent. Repeat. The irony of the message really hit me when I got back to my room to do my devotions. What should my devotions be but Revelation 2?! God prepared my heart for my devotions as Dr. Farrell preached.

So, next time you read Revelation 2:4, ask yourself, "have I left my first love?" If the answer is yes, evaluate yourself, remember who God is, repent, &, if needed, repeat.

filled to the full

2010-01-14T23:17:00.012-06:00

God provides. Do you know that? I don't mean do you understand the statement, but have you ever seen God provide for you personally? I have. Boy howdy, have I.

Philippians 4:19 (AMP) says, And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Jesus Christ.

It is true that I have seen the Lord provide thoughout my life. Not just in little ways either. In big ways: money for the bills, watching over Dad with his appendix & me with my surgery two years ago, protection from car wrecks & fires, & security, just to name a few. Philippians 4:19 says that He will provide for our every need. My family & I have seen Him provide for our needs in the past, but this time He really "knocked our woolly socks off".

Jarid married Lindsay in Phoenix, Arizona on 01.01.10. It was a wonderful time for my family, but the combination of the event, the trip, & the soon beginning of second semester equalled great financial strain for my family. I had to clean out my savings for my down payment & I was still going to be short. Craig had nothing.Not two pennies to rub together. NOTHING. I am a worrier & I love my brother, so it took alot of faith to believe that the Lord was going to provide. But I knew He would. He was asking Mom & I to wait so we could see Him work & so we would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that college was not paid by Mom or me, but my Him.

Craig & I had to be on campus January 4th for Craig's preterm class. That's right, Craig took a whole class whithout know how the Lord was going to provide for him to stay for the rest of the semester. I was praying. Craig was praying. Mom & Dad were praying. We knew the Lord would provide because we were all confident that the Lord had called Craig to Maranatha.
The down payment ws due on Monday, January 11th. On Saturday, January 9th, I got a call from Mom. The GI Bill had finally gone though. The Lord was providing. Not just that, Dad's "lost" pay was rectified. The Lord was providing! Philippians 4:19 (AMP) says the Lord will "liberally supply" or "fill to the full" your every need, but the Lord did more than that, He gave us a want too. On Saturday night, while I was still bubbling with excitement over the new Mom had shared with me that mornig, Crystal texted me: "I just won a Wii!" I thought she was kidding (she is, after all, my big sister). It couldn't be true. The Lord gave us not only the money we needed for college, but also a Wii? Is God really that good? Yes, He really is.

My skepticism came back on Monday, Down Payment Day. AKA: The Worst Day of the Semester (it always makes me feel poor & I hate that feeling). I just knew that the business office would give us trouble, saying they couldn't accept the finanial aid statement without money. You never know how fast the government will give you the money they say they have given you. So, with grumblings in my heart, Craig & I headed to the financial aid office. After a rather short conversation with Mr. Roth, who is in charge of military financial aid, Craig & I got our packets (after a rather long wait) & headed to the registration room with our financial aid slips in hand. While we waited our turn in the business office line so they could update our financial aid, I looked at my bill to calculate how much I would have left to pay. That's when it sank in. That's when I realized I had a sudden fondness for this particular registration day. The day I hated so much. That is when I realized how good God had truly been to Craig & I -- & to my family. I'm no good at math, but even I could calculate that my financial aid would exceed what I had left on my bill. And not by just a little. By ALOT. Not just mine either, Craig had a significant surplus too! GOD IS GOOD! As the men in the business office entered the new financial aid, Criag & I could not stop laughing. God had provided for us in a miraculous way! He had truly "filled to the full" all of our needs!

I don't know how the rest of the semester will go or what surprises the next few month holdl, but I know tha tthe Lord will provide. Not just my needs, but my wants too.

Psalm 118:23--This is the Lord's doing; it is MARVELLOUS in our eyes.

new year = happily ever after

2010-01-04T11:25:00.000-06:00

01.01.10 was, for the entire world, the beginning of both a new year & a new decade. For my family 01.01.10 holds a little more significance--the beginning of a new stage & our first "happily ever after". You see, this New Year had us all celebrating a new beginning of another kind: the new beginning of a family. At one o'clock in the afternoon of 01.01.10, Jarid married Lindsay Foote. The bride was beautiful. The groom handsome. The wedding a success.

My mind has not fully comprehended the fact that Jarid is married & beginning a life of his own with Lindsay. Some days I still feel like a junior higher & Jarid is still my silly big brother (not that that has really changed). It's just different.

I'm thrilled to have Lindsay as part of the family, but 01.01.10 marked a huge change in my life. How many more things will change over the years? Who can tell. I'm trusting in the Author of my life, looking forward to the day when I will begin my own "happily ever after". An exciting & scary time has started, & I can't wait to see what this new year will hold for me & for my family.

Happy New Year & Happy New Beginnings

redefining beau-ti-ful

2009-12-16T13:40:00.005-06:00

I love books. Reading is my escape from the world to enjoy just a few minutes of solitude for myself. Granted, those minutes usually slip away into hours, but you know what I mean. I love the thought behind "get lost in a good book". I wish I could do that everyday, however, school life & homework do take precidence to pleasure reading.

Lucky for me, this is finals week, which means I have already done all the studying possible, soo . . . I can "get lost in a good book"! The list of books I want to read is endless & I do hope to get to them all, however, this reading escapade started with "Redefining Beau-ti-ful" by Jenna Lucado.

Though I am older than the targeted age-group, I have learned much from Jenna's thoughts. From personal appearance to my relationship status with Christ, the ideas found in her devotional were spiritually uplifting. I found myself encouraged on every page & sought to turn pages faster to see what else the Lord would have for me to learn. What did I learn most? That I am beautiful in the sight of God & that is all that matters. I don't have to be popular or physically gorgeous. My character & my ministry to the Lord is what truly defines my beauty.

alma mata

2009-11-24T13:49:00.003-06:00

Each time I return home from college I find myself walking down the haunted hallways of my Alma Mata. The school may not seem haunted because the halls & classrooms are filled with the laughing, chattering, and locker-slamming of about 200 students. But the halls are different. Seventh graders are now sophomores & the high school hallway now houses nearly the entire student body: first through twelfth. 200 used to be the number that described seventh through twelfth grade, now it embodies the entire enrollment.

Some things haven't changed, though. The noise of life is still there. And the teachers. The teachers are much the same. Many of the teachers I had in elementary and high school are still there, teaching another generation to "grow up in the nurture & admonition of the Lord." The teachers themselves are little hauntings. Though they are the same, they have changed. Some were my parents' teachers. Some are still teaching students what they taught my parents, my siblings, myself, & my peers. Others have taken on new roles: a history teacher has added seventh grade English to his roster, the computer teacher also runs the lunchroom, & the drama teacher also heads the maintenance. Even with changes, the school reminds me of the old days & gives me the comfort of being home.

As I immerse myself into the hallways, observing the teachers as a college student and future teacher, I find my mind returning to the recent past. I see the hallway, though filled with living, breathing bodies, haunted by old memories of my elementary, junior high, & high school days. Instead of being a junior in college studying to b an English & drama teacher, I am transformed back into a student of Tri-City Christian School. I remember conversations my friends & I had in those hallways, the lessons we heard & ignored, & the activities we were involved in after school.

My friends. It's funny how three years can make old friends seem like strangers. Since our graduation, we have all taken different paths. 18 different paths. One is serving our country in the Marines & the others split between starting vocations & going to college. Our relationship status' span from single to married to starting a family. It's weird, growing up & moving on. While I have never been one to regret, I look back on fond memories. Some outcomes bring smiles, others pain, & a few bring both.

My Alma Mata does not just haunt me of the past, but encourages me. As I sit in the classes & hear lessons, the passion to teach rises within me. The three semesters that stand between me & student teaching seem to be an eternity. Oh, how I want to teach now! And not just anywhere--I want to be like my mom & Mrs. Scroggins--I want to return to my Alma Mata to teach. Why? because I love the school, purple runs through my veins, & because I want to continue the legacy stated in our Alma Mata:

Righteousness & character
Virtues for our guide
From the halls of dear Tri-City
Ever shall abide

it was for me

2009-09-28T23:14:00.004-05:00

A cross is a rather simple structure. Two rough pieces of wood, one nailed perpendicularly on top of the other. There is no refinement or glory, though many modern Christians proudly wear a silver or gold cross, beautifully embellished, around their necks. No, the cross on which my Savior bled & died was no thing of beauty. It was rough, crude, & extremely painful. There isn't a torture practiced today that is more horrendous than that of the Roman crucifiction.

Isaiah 53:4-5 says, "Surely He has borne our griefs, & carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, & afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; & with His stripes we are healed." Do you realize what that means? Christ died for me. He was beaten by men & repulsed by His Father in order to pay the enormous price for my sins. The awesomeness of His great sacrifice should never stop amazing me, yet, day-by-day I find myself complacent & often repeating the same sins over & over. The sin He died for. His pain: it was for me.

In dorm devotions tonight, Holly, my dorm supervisor, challegened us with the reality of the cross. We each were asked to bring a 3x5 card & a pen to devotions. Before starting her challenge, she handed out small finishing nails. One for each person. On that small piece of paper we were to write out one sin that we struggle with daily. As I wrote just one of the many sins I so often repeat, Holly explained that when Christ died on Calvary, He died for my sin. His pain & suffering nailed my sin to the cross. It was for me. The notecard was folded in half & each girl took her notecard & nail to a small, simple cross Holly had at the front of the room. Our sins were nailed to the cross. There was complete silence in a room filled with 60+ girls who are rather known for giggling, jokes, & laughter. The image was real. Christ died for me. It was my sin that nailed Him there.

Christ's body hung on the cross by just 3 nails, yet our cross was covered with 60+ notecards held by 60+ nails. Christ has already paid the price for them all.

It was for me.

be a missionary

2009-09-27T19:44:00.005-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days where God reveals something so amazing & you know it was just for you? Have you ever had it happen twice in one day? What if the same lesson was reinforced a third time? Would it grab your attention & change your life?

Today was the opening of Calvary's missions conference. I have always loved missions conference. At home, the foyer of the church is teaming with people going down the hallways that surround two sides of the auditorium. Faces young, old, & everywhere in between are looking at presentation boards, picking up prayer cards, & talking with the various missionary families. In our opening service, the congregation sings "We've a Story to Tell to the Nations" as high school boys bring in the flags of the countries represented by the missionaries attending the conference that week. When we finish the hymn, each missionary & their country is presented to the audience. It's wonderful. As I see the parade of nations, I am moved. I don't think I am called into missions, but as each flag sweeps the air as the young man turns to face the congregation, I wish, for just a moment, that I could minister with the missionary family. See life as they see it.

Like I said, today was the opening service for Calvary's missions conference. In Sunday School, the Lord first grabbed my attention as Caleb Stein spoke from the book of Jonah. He captivated me for the rest of the hour with two statements he made in his introduction: Everything in the book of Jonah glorified God except Jonah & Jonah only wanted to love those he thought were deserving. It's a shame, but Jonah is an accurate representation of me & how I view others, specifically the Lost. Missionary Stein encouraged us to see others as God sees them: to share His mercy with others. Jonah did not love the people of Nineveh as God loved them; he did not see that God's love is greater than any sin & His grace is far greater than we can ever imagine. Sunday School rocked my boat.

Pastor Loggans' service following Sunday School went hand-in-hand with the lesson on Jonah. He spoke form Matthew 9. Again, it was Pastor Loggans' introduction that focused me in on the rest of the service: "One of the most overwhelmin thoughts known to man: God uses us!" He presented a dire situation: a multitude of unbelievers, a deliverant supplication: "The work of God moves forward on its knees", & a declared solution: "Here am I, Lord, send me."

As I studied for tests & wasted all too much time on facebook this afternoon, I could not get off of my mind the lesson that the Lord was teaching me: Do I see others as Chrsit does? Am I praying & willing to serve wherever He leads?

Not surprisingly, Mr. Trainer's message this evening both reinforced & expanded the messages from this morning. His challenge? What does it take to motivate me to take advantage of divine appointments? I should be looking at people through Christs eyes, because the way I see them determines how I will respond to them. His challenge came from Luke 4. The context: Christ reads from Isaiah in the synagoge & proclaims Himself as the much anticipated Messiah. Luke 4:17 lists 5 ways that Christs views the lost: poor (spiritually bankrupt), broken-hearted (emotionally destitute), captives (morally bound to sin), blind (intellectually near-sighted), & bruised (mortally demolished/hopeless).

Am I seeing others as Christ does? Does my heart break knowing what they are missing & do I rejoice to share my Christ with others?

The timing of today was no coincidence. God truly was working & "remaining anonymous." Just 2 weeks ago, Mr. Trainer presented the various missions trip opportunities we as students had for Spring Break & this summer. It was a hard decision. Two teams interested me. One to Uganda and another Ireland. As I weighed the pros & cons, the "still small voice" became louder & more clear. I knew which missions trip I was to apply for. After much prayer & counsel, it became apparent to me to apply to be part of the medical missions team to Uganda in March, despite my lack of medical skills. As of yet, I don't know if I have been accepted as part of the team, but I know, with all my heart, that just by applying I have followed the Lord's will. It's in His hands now.

Uganda won't be the beginning of my missions trip, though. It has to begin now. I have heard the Lord &, whether I accept or reject His calling, I will be changed. I'm chosing to look at others as Christ does. To have compassion on the poor, broken-hearted, blind, & bruised captives.

How will you respond?

my car

2009-09-07T21:43:00.003-05:00

The Lord constantly amazes me. Just when I think life is out of control, just when I begin to despair because of finances, He shows me that His power is infinite. He reminds me that I am & have nothing without Him.

This summer, as I put away money for this semester's college bill, I began saving money for a car. The amount of money I had accumulated by August did not amount to much. In fact, I don't think I could by one tire with the money I had, nevertheless, it was a pitiful start to a need.

At the end of the summer my computer, which was a gracious gift from my aunt & uncle after my computer died my freshman year, began to have problems that interferred with performing simple tasks. The biggest frustration was that it would no longer hold a charge, nor could I charge it with my cable. I was frustrated, but determined to make it last me at least this semester.

God amazes me. I texted Mom about buying a computer at the exact moment that my parents were looking at computers in the Watertown WalMart. While I was considering using up my last summer paycheck to buy what I needed, my parents were talking about my need. Dad agreed to help me with my computer. He called it my car. Why? The price I would pay Dad would exhaust my car saving. It was worth it. Though I wanted that money to go toward a car, God knew what I truly needed: a computer.

No, my car does not get great gas milage, nor can I use it to take a weekend vacation home. Though some my age may think that a car would have been more beneficial as I college student, I know that the Lord specifically wanted me to have my "car": a 17.3" Toshiba. And with it I have been able to travel the world.

secret place

2009-07-28T10:16:00.007-05:00

Let's be honest, life is hectic & filled with an incredible amount of noise. Sometimes, even in a crowded, noise-filled room, I feel the need to be alone & experience some peace & quiet. In the past couple of months, the Lord keeps reminding me that I have a secret place only found in Him. A place where I can escape the noise & hectic activities of life & be filled with His peace.

I can't say when the Lord first began to show me that He is my secret place, but I can trace the lesson to two things: The Secret Place by Ron Hamilton & The Diary of Anne Frank by Goodrich & Hackett.

The Diary of Anne Frank immersed me in the world of European Jews during World War II. I first read the play at the encouragement of a friend, & immediately fell in love with the story. In fact, I spent hours with Anne, Peter, & Mr. Frank as I memorized a selection for the college commencement competition. The Lord taught me, through the struggle of the Frank family, that He is my secret place, the place where I can hide from the terrors, trials, & wars of the world. Surrounded by bias & hatred, Anne chose to be optimistic & learned to love her secret place.

The other instrument the Lord used to turn me to His secret place was a song I learned in church choir at Windsor: The Secret Place by Ron Hamilton & Cheryl Reid. The words are so powerful. Each time I sing the song or hear it sung, I cannot help but feel that I am surrounded by the Lord. The song reminds me that no matter how loud & hectic life gets, now matter how weak I feel, no matter what trial I am facing, in Him I can find hope. I close my eyes & find that I am in my secret place.

I've found a secret place

Of comfort & release,

A special place of healing,

A quiet place of peace.

And everyone who dwells there

Finds rest beneath God's wings.

In the shade of His pavilion

New strength He always brings.

- - -

I find hope, I find grace

Far away from the world's embrace.

He gives me rest; He keeps me safe,

I find His strength, I seek His face

In the secret place.

- - -

With every trial He brings,

My Lord will make a way--

To strengthen & protect me,

To help me face each day.

He leads me through the valley

To draw me closer still,

Knowing even in the shadows

I find his perfect will.

masquerade

2009-07-10T22:12:00.004-05:00

Have you ever watched Phantom of the Opera? The mask that the phantom wears is truly unique: it only covers the afflicted quarter of his face. I remember the first time that I watched the movie, thinking that maybe the mask hid nothing at all. But then, Christine removes it . . . & the face hidden beneath can only be described as horribly disgusting. No one really believes Christine because they have never seen the phantom unmasked for themselves. In fact, as the entire opera house celebrates the opening of a new performance no one seems to notice the phantom walking among them. Why? It's a masquerade, everyone is hiding their faces from the others.

Once a month my church has special group meetings on a Sunday evening. These meetings allow male leaders to encourage the men & women leaders to encourage the ladies. We ladies have been discussing Titus 2:3-5 "The aged women likewise . . . that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." On July 5, Mrs. O spoke on being chaste, or pure, in all areas of life.

What does pure living have to do with a masquerade? Well, Mrs. O pointed out that being chaste is not just living physically pure, but being pure in every area of life. Before Mrs. O began speaking, each lady received a paper mask with different areas of ministry (Sunday School, K4T, music, prayer warrior) written on the front. She explained that we often "decorate" our life with outward actions like we decorate the outside of a beautiful mask. I walk around in a masquerade, hiding my true purity (or lack thereof) underneath masks of ministry. Mrs. O challenged us not to be satisfied with just looking pure, but living a completely pure life from the inside out. She had us turn over the mask & write down areas that weren't so pure in our lives . . . areas that only family, close friends, & God know. As I wrote on the back of my mask, I realized that, all too often, I'm living in a masquerade.

I could write for some time about the things that I learned in that short challenge, but I think the most important one is to take off the mask & end the masquerade. There are areas of my life that may seem ugly, like the Phantom's deformity, but with the Lord's help my life can become wholly pure.

rapunzel, rapunzel

2009-06-10T16:20:00.001-05:00

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair that I might climb the golden stair." Rapunzel is one of my favorite fairytales. No, I don't have golden hair, but I have always cherished my long, curly red hair. I have been teased countless times by friends to give some of my hair to them. One of my professors at college proclaimed that I had his favorite hair on campus & my boss on campus calls me "Amazing Hair." Every time I had to get a haircut or trim growing up I would cry. Not just a trickle of tears, but a bawling flood of tears! So, I suppose it was a shock to both friends & family when I abruptly cut 13" of my "amazing hair" off.

Grandma Gina announced to the family that she had once again been diagnosed with cancer & would begin chemo treatments in June. My grandmother has battled various forms of cancer off & on since her late 20s, but the announcement still scared me.

I had already been considering trimming my hair for the summer. My hair, even in a ponytail, layed on the back of my neck making me very hot as I worked. When Grandma Gina announced that she had cancer, I had Mom measure my hair. If I was going to cut off 6", why not just cut off 12" & donate it to women who have lost their hair because of their battle with cancer? Though my grandmother has never lost a hair on her head in her 40+ years of battling with cancer, I decided that I would donate mine for her.

The Monday after I returned from West Virginia Mom & I went to get my hair cut. Though my hair is a little shorter than I expected, I'm glad that I was able to give my amazing hair to give a courageous woman back some of her pride.

I may not have done much, but I hope I have made an impact & encouraged others to pray for & help those fighting with cancer. After all, even Rapunzel cut her hair.

my best friend's wedding

2009-06-02T13:34:00.008-05:00

In the '90s Julia Roberts starred in a movie, My Best Friend's Wedding. The audience was heart-broken as Julia's best friend (a handsome young man) fell in love with & married someone else. My best friend's wedding was no heart-break . . . it was a beautiful union between two amazing people.

For you to fully understand my friendship with Janessa, I'll have to start with a little history.

Janessa first visited Kansas City when we were in fourth grade. Her father was possibly taking a possition at the church, so she & her siblings were visiting the school. When she walked in I pounced on her, asked her to help me with my class project, & determined that she would be my friend. Her family moved to Kansas City that summer & we have been friends, best friends, ever since. We were virtually inseperable for the seven years that her family lived in Kansas City, with one exception: cheerleading. At the end of our junior year of high school, Mr. Van announced that the family would be moving to West Virginia. I was heart-broken, kinda like Julia Roberts' character, but for a different reason (after all, I wasn't hoping to marry my best friend). Due to pre-arranged plans, Janessa & her brother, Peter, stayed with my family the last two weeks of the summer before moving. Though we did next to nothing, those are the days that stick out most in my mind.

I never thought that the next time I visited her home it would be for my best friend's wedding.

Mom, Crys, & I left for West Virginia early Wednesday morning for an exciting weekend fully focused on my best friend's wedding. Wednesday night I spent the night with Janessa & some of her friends from West Virginia. We had fun watching movies, snacking, & playing games. My favorite part of the evening was not when there was lots of noise & people, but when we went to bed. Janessa & I stayed in a room together. Though I was tired from a long day (12 hours) of driving, nothing would have replaced being able to just talk with my best friend. Nothing in the world beats being able to talk with someone face-to-face.

Thursday Janessa & I set out on a "short" walk to the "near-by" convienience store for some slushies. The walk was a little further than JV thought, so when some of the girls drove by we did not hesitate to catch a ride to get our slushies & then headed to the mall to meet Aron & the guys. Mom & Crys met me at the mall & we hung out until it was time to head to the park for dress rehersal. Pastor Wiebe kept rehersal short & sweet so we could get to the delicious meal that Aron's parents prepared. As the party dissolved, some of the girls at rehersal begged to go out. The guys bummed out (claim of no money), so the girls went to an arcade. Once again it was great to spend time with Janessa & some of her friends, but we were all focused on one thing: my best friend's wedding.

Friday was a day with nothing scheduled . . . at first. Late Thursday night, Janessa, Aron, & Dan Moore, the photographer, decided to take the bride & groom pictures Friday afternoon instead of Saturday morning. Being both the maid-of-honor & Janessa's best friend, I volunteered to tag along & help wherever needed. So, Mom & I arrived at the Van's for breakfest. While Mom & Mrs. Van ran errands (like picking up the wedding gown) I did JV's hair & helped her primp for pictures. Before long the moms, the dress, the photographer, the sister, & the fiance' were all at the house getting ready for pictures. Before the beautiful bride came out into the livingroom, I called Aron into the room so he could see his bride in her wedding dress for the first time. I will never forget the look on his face . . . nor could I wait to get out of that room so they could have a minute alone. Before long we were driving around Huntington watching the photographer capture beautiful pictures of the bride & groom. No matter what was going on around them, their soul focus was each other. It was beautiful. I don't think it really sank in until that afternoon that the next day was my best friend's wedding.

After all the fun of driving from spot to spot, helping the bride in & out of the car, carrying the train & bouquet, & giving up my flip-flops so the bride could walk through the mud, Mom, Crys, & I went to the mall & Applebee's to enjoy a little time alone. Later that evening, Janessa came over & I did her nails, enjoying one last talk together as single friends. After she left, Mom, Crys, & I walked over to the church & helped the Van's set up the reception hall for the next afternoon. I went to bed at 1 a.m. excited about the next day: my best friend's wedding.

I woke up bright & early on Saturday excited about everything. Mom helped me finish my hair before we all headed over to the church to meet the rest of the bridal party as they primped & prepared for pictures. Though I had already seen Janessa in her wedding dress, helping her get ready for the wedding took my breath away . . . & not just mine, Aron's too. Though they had spent the previous day together in wedding garb, when Aron saw Janessa on Saturday morning, his eyes sparkled. The Lord truly blessed my best friend!

The ceremony was short & sweet with only one major hitch: the music being played at the wrong time (Viva la Vida during the sand ceremony). It was simply beautiful. I did not need Pastor Wiebe's encouragement to keep my eyes only on the bride; seeing her as a bride captivated all of my attention. The rest of the day seemed to fly by. The best part of the day, for me, wasn't part of the ceremony or being with everyone at the reception, but for 5 minutes at the end of the reception I was able to talk with Janessa alone.

May 30, 2009 was a wonderful beginning to, what I believe, a wonderful life. To you, it may not have been anything special, but for me, it was my best friend's wedding.

i saw Jesus in you

2009-05-10T19:57:00.004-05:00

Another semester of college has ended. Though I am glad to be done with classes, home, & looking forward to the fun & excitement of summer, I know I will greatly miss 3 girls that the Lord has brought into my life. My life has radically changed since meeting them, because in everything they did, I saw Christ.

I entered my sophomore year of college with both excitement & reservations--just as you would do if you knew you were going to spend the next 9 months with three other girls. I didn't know what to expect. I had prayed all summer that the Lord would put me into the room that I needed most; God answered my prayer. What an awesome room I was placed in! Definitely the best room on Maranatha's campus (I dare someone to dispute that). Christ was preeminent in everything. I was put in a room where I can say, to each of my roommates, "I saw Jesus in you."

Kristin, my PC, is a junior nursing student. Kris is dedicated in every area of her life: grades, friends, prayer, & devotions. No matter how busy Kris seemed to be (as a nursing student, she was always busy) she would take the time to laugh, cry, pray, or just talk. I don't know how she did it. My only hope is that someday I can be like her. Just when my day looked the darkest, just when I needed encouragement the most, Kris would tell me either verbally or through a note that she was praying for me. Kristin's life challenged me. How selfish had I become over the year! I was constantly thinking only of myself & Kris gave the little time she had to listen, love, & pray for me! Kris, I saw Jesus in you!

Kris had quite a task before her--Elle, Mandy, & I aren't exactly the quiet, reserved type like Kris. But, she handled us quite well. Kristin's focus for our room was prayer. She constantly challenged me, through word & deed, to talk to God about EVERYTHING. When Elle joined us in January, we began a prayer chain; every request that we saw the Lord answer was put on a construction paper ring & hung outside our door for all of our dormmates to see. After white glove, we all took a picture with the ring that nearly covered our door posts. God is so good!

I remember the first time Mandy & her mom walked into Weeks 109--boy she had alot of stuff! It didn't take long for Mandy & I to realize that we were going to get along just fine. Throughout the semester we would talk & would not be suprised when the other would say, "that's how I feel too!" Mandy was definitely a blessing . . . just like Kristin. Mandy & Kristin prayed for me in ways I am sure I will never completely understand. I am so lucky to have had such great friends as roommates. Whenever I needed help, Mandy was there . . . even when I volunteered her & her truck to help collect clothing for a ministry garage sale. She simply smiled & told me that is what friends are for. Fun was always right around the corner with Mandy . . . even when she would be dutifully studying for her classes. Though I am "deaf" ("If you need me, leave me a note") I am thankful for the nights that she talked loud enough to keep me awake & listen to her talk about the Lord & her life. Whether we were talking in the room, studying, going on a random walk, or talking to Dave, Mandy was always the friend I needed & could read my every emotion. There is no doubt, Mandy, that I saw Jesus in you.

The spring semester brough a great surprise . . . Elle. Elle's outspoken passion for Christ ignited a fire in our room. I was constantly humbled by Elle's enthusiasm in serving Christ. Her life's focus is to be in the center of God's will (which will eventually lead her to Kenya) & her every action shows that God's will is neither boring nor terrifying: it's simply wonderful. Though Elle & I may have disagreed in a few areas (two, no three, opinionated people in one room will bring little conflicts at times) we never held grudges & would soon find ourselves laughing or pulling a prank on someone. Always armed with her mace, Elle & I had some great walks ("we're rwalking, that's what they do in rwanda") & even more awesome talks. One of the first weekends Elle & I were alone in the room & we talked for 2 hours about our dreams. There is no doubt that the Lord had a purpose for bringing Elle into my life last semester.

There is so much more I could say about these 3 wonderful girls. So many talks, prayer requests, praises, room parties, & quotes, but those things are not as important as the spiritual impact they all had on my life this year. The fun times have ended for now, but I'm sure we will add to them in the future. God was so good to give me such wonderful roommates; I truly was not worthy of such a wonderful gift. Though I will never again share a room with these wonderful girls, there is no doubt that they have been added to a list of people that have been brought into my life that I proudly say (& give them a BIG hug), "I saw Jesus in you."

half time

2009-04-06T22:11:00.003-05:00

Various different sports have been used to describe the Christian life. The most common example, of course, is Paul's use of a race. On Sunday morning, I heard a sports analogy that I had never thought of before: the Christian life has a . . . half-time?

Pastor (excuse me) Evangelist Morris Gleiser was able to challenge me from the Word of God for the second time this semester when he came to lead revival services at my extension church. It was a great encouragement for Jarid, Crys, & I to catch up with him & his wife. We were not only able to talk to them about what they are doing for the Lord, but also about how the Lord is leading in our own lives.

The Sunday School service was a challege for the church to be faithful in seeking the Lord & to come to the revival services thirsty & ready to drink in God's Word. Where does half-time fit in? Pastor Gleiser mentioned that the half-time of a game is a time where the team is encouraged to be diligent & continue in good work. Half-time is meant to empower the team. To excite them. For me half-time was not a break, but the time when I took the court, but even for cheerleaders like me, half-time was refreshing, encouraging, & empowering. The church, he reflected, is a team. A body of believers working together to accomplish the goal of Christ. Revival (meaning new awakening) is the Christian's half-time. A time to be spiritually refreshed & encouraged. A time for clearified direction. A time to reignite passion.

I was shocked. Revival is half-time. It is everything that Pastor Gleiser said: refreshing, encouraging, empowering, & directive. It's funny how something as silly as a sports illustration can be an encouragement, but God is amazing like that.

So, are you praying for half-time?

anamosa, iowa

2009-03-25T07:48:00.003-05:00

"A coincidence is a miracle where God chooses to remain anonymous."

God works in miraculous ways. I never thought that I would learn something about the Lord by having car trouble & being stuck in a hotel in Anamosa, Iowa, but I did.

The last week of school was filled with the excitement and anticipation of going home for spring break at the end of the week. We, that is Mike Collison, Lacey Steffen, Jarid, Crystal, and I, were no exception. We could not wait to get home!

After crossing into Iowa around 5:30, Lacey and I were ready for a stop. While we were walking around in the gas station, Mike checked his tires and we were off again. It was then that we noticed a strange sound coming and Lacey noticed a little bit of smoke coming out of the right side of the hood. Now, Mike is notorious for having car problems on trips . . . we soon realized that this trip would be no exception. We pulled off the interstate in Anamosa, Iowa, possibly the last stop for miles. Mike again pulled into a gas station to check the car. The alternator belt was missing. What had cued Mike there was a problem? The funny noise and the fact that he had lost power-steering (which is a funny thing to watch). We drove up to Wal-Mart (a supposed Supercenter) and found that they did not have any belts. We were sent to another store that "should" have the part we needed. No luck. The employees there sent us to an autoparts store . . . which was closed. We were about to give up when we saw a police officer walking out of a family restaurant. Mike, rather humourously, parked and caught the officer before he drove off. The officer took us to a towing and mechanics shop in town.

When Mike pulled in at Red's we all got out and huddled around the hood as the mechanic and police officer talked. The mechanic pulled the melted, streached out alternator belt out of the car. Several times the mechanic went back to the shop checking for a belt he could put on the car. No such luck . . . AND every auto dealer in town was closed. Our best choice was to stay in Anamosa for the night and continue to Missouri and Kansas in the morning. Before we officially gave up, Lacey called AAA. We all discussed our options (we all are, after all, college students) and decided the best bet was to stay in Anamosa. The mechanic was generous enough to drive us to the Super8 where we booked two rooms for the night.

It was disappointing to look at the clock and realize that it was only 6 in the evening and we were stuck 4 hours from home for the night, but we made the most of our night. We walked to the family restaurant where we found the officer and had a great pizza and just talked for about an hour and a half. It's funny, I have known Mike for years and have gone to college with Lacey for two years and I was finally able just to talk to them. After dinner, we went to our rooms and just hung out.

The boys left at 8:15 on Saturday morning to walk to the mechanics shop to be there when the car got fixed and will come back and get us girls. The guys got back to the hotel at 9 and informed us that the car would not be ready until at least 11:30. Lacey and I decided to go on a walk to Wal-Mart. We passed the time by just talking and hanging out outside of the hotel room. At 11, we checke out of the hotel and started walking to the mechanics shop--it was not a short walk. The car was still not ready, so we left our stuff in the shop and walked around downtown Anamosa for an hour--almost everything was "Closed for Good". We all laughted at that. The car was ready at 12:30 and after a much needed food stop at Hardy's, we were back on the road.

The next 4.5 hours were mostly devoted to sleep, which I must say can be pretty uncomfortable when you are in the middle. We all cheered (well, maybe Mike didn't ) as we crossed the Iowa/Missouri border. God is good. Jarid, Crys, and I stepped in the house at 6:15. For all of the seeming problems, God showed that He was in control and we were able to have alot of fun between WI and MO.

Did we want to spend the night in Anamosa, Iowa? Of course not, but we were able to see how the Lord worked in the situation:

Mike heard a noise and realized he lost power-steering and did not ignore the problems
There was an exit for Anamosa almost immediately after Mike realized there was a problem
Mike and Jarid were able to realize the problem with the car
We went to Wal-Mart where we had an employee point us to a store where an employee pointed us to a store which was closed but driving by we saw an officer
The officer took the time to help us and direct us to someone who could help
A mechanic who was on his way home stayed to help us
The mechanic drove us to Super8 where we were able to book two rooms
We all had enough money to split dinner and the rooms
We had an adventure together :)

It's funny how the unexpected things in life draw our attention to God. We could have been out on the interstate and wrecked or been stuck in the middle of nowhere, but God led us to Anamosa and we had a great adventure.

just plain foolishness

2009-02-28T15:00:00.014-06:00

Rand Hummel's conference at the beginning of the week was awesome. It felt like I was reliving my "camp" years--no one should ever outgrow camp. Why did Winterfest feel like camp? Well, along with having pretty much everyone's favorite camp speaker, we had class-focused spirit week. The week was filled with spiritual wisdom, but overall, it was just plain foolishness.

Each day of spirit week had a general theme, but to add to the foolishness, each class had a subcategory all their own. The freshmen, sophomore, junior, & senior classes were distinct as each student dressed according to theme--excited to have a week of just plain foolishness.

Monday: Holidays
Christmas in . . . February, at least for me & the other sophomores. The other classes celebrated Thanksgiving (freshmen), St. Patty's (juniors), & the 4th of July (seniors). Crystal & I went all out for Christmas--Crys dressed as a Christmas tree & I was a snowman. The freshmen had great enthusiasm and imagination--I saw a pumpkin pie & more than a few overly stuffed individuals--it was just plain foolishness!

Tuesday: Eras

This day was soo much fun. I have always loved playing dress-up, so when the opportunity arose, I pulled out all of my costumes hoping that my roommates (or someone on my floor) would be able to use something. Fashions of ancient Greece & Rome (freshmen), the Middle Ages (sophomores), the Colonial period (juniors), & the future (seniors) were put on display. With all of the sheets-turned-togas, girls in formals, colonial outfits including bonnets, and tinfoil, it was plain that everybody was enjoying this day of just plain foolishness.

Wednesday: Stages of Life

Toddler, teen, mid-life crisis, or senior citizen: which stage of life would you prefer to emulate? Well, we didn't have much of a choice, though I did enjoy reliving my teen years (not really) on Wednesday. The freshmen mostly copped out by simply wearing a pacifier with normal clothing and there were far too many pregnant middle-aged women. I would have to say that the gray haired senior citizens and the side-ponytailed, over-makeuped teens definitely topped as just plain foolishness.

Thursday: Class Color

Go Green! Crazy chapel is always a highlight of spirit week. Seeing everyone decked to the hilt in their class color, whether it be pink, green, red, or black & blue. Even Dr. Phelps joined in on the fun as he officiated the fun activities done during chapel. My class may not have won the week, but hey, at least we didn't get last . . . the afternoon was just plain foolishness.

Friday: Blue & Gold Day

The week closed with a tribute to the school itself. No class divisions on Friday. We all unified to one student body decked out in Maranatha's blue and gold. There is little sweeter than seeing 800+ college students being "true to [your] school"--and yes, all the crazy blue & gold proved that, sometimes, life is just plain foolishness.

grow up!

2009-02-26T22:29:00.003-06:00

Have you ever read J. M. Barrie's "Peter Pan" or "The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up"? I was reading thru the play for fun, little did I know that the Lord would use that play to show me that I need to grow up.

This week was Winterfest--a fancy name for revival and spirit week. Rand Hummel of the Wilds came to speak Monday thru Wednesday. Due to my work schedule, I was only able to attend one service--the one I needed. Rand spoke on Peter Pan (what a coincident) & how he chose never to grow up. Though this is a great play, it is a horrible life lesson. Rand encouraged the college students to grow up & become all that the Lord desires of them. I cannot affectively serve the Lord if I am still acting like a child, refusing to grow up.

To add to the irony, the story I selected for the Tantalizing Tidbits (a weekly menu I put out for the dining common at the college) dealt with the life of James Barrie. His older brother died suddenly at the age of 12 or 13 & his mother refuse to give up weeping over the loss of her son. Young Jimmie vowed to imortalize his brother by refusing to grow up. Jimmie's desire effected every area of his growth, including his physical growth. James Barrie barely measured 5 feet. How sad that a young man gave up his life for a selfish mother. Rand used Peter Pan as an example of Christians who refuse to "put away childish things" & grow in the Lord. Rand was right, like many others, I need to grow up!

I did enjoy reading "Peter Pan", but as a Christian, I don't want to stay in Neverland or even yearn for it forever. I want to grow up in Christ, for then I am sure I will find that dreams can never compare to reality. Unlike Peter, I will discover that life is my greatest adventure.

E-X-C-I-T-E-D

2009-02-03T22:45:00.017-06:00

Dorm Devos--before coming to college, I could not wait for dorm life, especially the devos. What would be cooler than getting to hear others share their heart for God? Now, don't get ahead of me & assume that I detest dorm, core, room, & floor devos; quite the opposite. I love devotions, but I felt something was missing, but what? My roommates & I began discussing the subject. Our conclusion: excitement was lacking.

Devos had simply become a 15 minute intrusion on study time where we were forced to sit in the cold basement, listen to someone share a short devo, pray with the same group of people, & then return to homework & phone calls to Mom or boyfriend. I was disappointed. I had been learning so much from chapel & personal devotions, I could hardly wait to see what the Lord was going to teach me in dorm devotions! As Hayley (my dorm sup) & Melissa (my RA) would share their heart some would stare blankly into space, some talked with the girl next to them, & some, a disappointing few, listened intently & soaked in some precious truth from God's Word. I am NOT getting down on my fellow dormmates. I, too, have been guilty of not paying attention, but something needed to change, something needed to be done to bring excitement back to devos.

Elle, a transfer student from PCC, joined our room this semester full of excitement (& opinions) about everything. After devos one night, she came back to the room disappointed. Before we knew it, Hayley was in our room & we all were excitedly talking about how we could make devos more--exciting. We realized that the change had to be within us before we could ask others to be as excited. As a room, we challenged ourselves to some goals so we would not fall back into the form of normalicy--fall back into complacency.

A plan was made that night, & tonight, Weeks 109 was able to carry out the most radical form of excitement for devos you have probably ever heard.

Elle prepared a challenge for the dorm. A challenge to be different. A challenge to stand out. A challenge to be excited about dorm devotions. Before Elle talked to the dorm, we, uh, encouraged the dorm to get excited about devos--specifically core group devos. What did we do? I'm glad you asked.

First, we painted our faces. Now, you are probably wondering what facepaint has to do with devos. Nothing. We just wanted to paint our faces. We painted our faces green & black (Weeks' dorm colors) & each of us wore a dorm shirt. Part of devos is getting together as a family, so we weren't just getting everybody excited about devos, but about being part of the Weeks family.

Second, we made signs. Bright green posterboard spelled out C.O.R.E. I also came up with an acronymn for C.O.R.E.

COME ready to learn about & rejoice in the Lord
ON TIME--devos start at 10, not 10:01 or 10:10
REJOICE in what God is doing in your & the other girls' lives
ENJOY fellowship with those in the dorm (especially the ones you may not know)

I don't know if anyone else will remember the acronymn, but it sure has been a help to me to remind me why I should be excited about devotions.

We put the signs to use in our third activity: we ran in (ironically, late) cheering! With the signs lifted above our heads, we encouraged the girls to "give me a C!" as Elle sprayed silly string on our confused & skeptical dormmates. Yes, I'm sure we looked like fools with our faces painted & signs above our heads, but nothing beat how excited we were about devos.

Finally, Elle challenged the girls to get excited. Even though we had talked for hours about the topic, I couldn't help be get excited as Elle shared her heart with the others in our dorm. Why isn't everyone excited about what God is doing & will do in our lives?

You may think we went to the extreme, but I'm glad the Lord gave me the opportunity to get others excited about Him. Even if our litte pep rally didn't effect anyone else, I know that Weeks 109 will never be the same. Praise the Lord!

I Give It Back

2009-01-20T21:54:00.005-06:00

Last week, Evangelist Morris Gleiser held revival services at the college. God is soo good--I grew soo much last week. I am newly excited about where the Lord is leading me & loving every minute of my refinement. I'll have to blog some more later . . .

Sunday was a great follow-up to everything that touched my heart during the revival services. Sunday was my first service back at Windsor & the Lord used a song that we are singing in choir to grab hold of my heart. As we practiced I Give It Back by Ron Hamilton, I was challeged to stand firm in my convictions of the previous week & give EVERYTHING back to the Lord, who gave so much for me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

All of my talent: It is amazing how often I rely on myself for my abilities. I can do NOTHING outside the power of God. He is the One that has given me every one of my abilities: playing the flute & piccolo, calligraphy, work ethic, dramatic talent . . . everything is an absolute blessing & gift from Him.

All of my time: Wow! What a phrase! This semester it seems as though I have NO time at all (yet, I have found time to blog in the middle of the week . . . ). Between 18 credit hours, two jobs, & being in a play, my "free" time is mostly given to homework & other academic projects. Yet, the Lord asks for ALL of my time. I Corinthians 10: 31 says, "Whethertherefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do (work, classes, & homework), do ALL to the glory of God." Every moment of everyday in everything that I do, I am to be giving my time to the Lord. I don't work for Mr. Rick or Mrs. Sturgill, I work for the Lord. I don't study so I can achieve academic greatness, I study so I can better give my time to the Lord.

All of my treasure: What is important to you? What do you hold dearly? Those things which we hold dear are our "treasure". Those things do not have to be monetarily expensive, they are expensive because of their importance. The Lord asks me to give Him all those things which I hold dear. Sometimes, that is soo hard! Think about it--I am asked to give everything, even my dreams, to the Lord. Doesn't He deserve them?

Shall never be mine: This clause applies to the three previous statements: my talent, time, & treasure should always be resting in the hands of God, not in mine.

All that I am, All I shall be: No matter what I do or how people perceive me; No matter who I become, how much money I have, or how many amazing things I will do;

Lord, You gave it to me: this line really need no explination--He gave me everything. Who I am & who I will be is dependant on Him, I can only ruin His perfect plan for me.

I give it back to You: With all that He has given & done for me, how can I refuse to give Him anything less than everything?

My lips will sing Your praise: Have you ever read the Psalms? You should. The Psalms are overflowing with praise to God. One psalm even notes that the snow & rain praise God (for me, this is not hard to imagine, for I praise God for the snow & rain, but I have a sibling who absolutely detests snow). If nature, inanimate & without souls, can praise the Lord, how much louder ought I to sing praises to the Lord?!

All things come from You: As my cousin says in her Puggles presentation, "God made EVERYTHING!" Though she was only 3 at the time, she hit the nail on the head--God created everything. "And He is before all things, & by Him, all things consist (cohere, are held together)" Colossians 1:17.

You are the only source for the good I do: "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, & I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing" (John 15:5). In my innate, sinful nature I am incapable of doing good. Everywhere I turn, people are taught that man is innately good, but that is a lie: "as by one man sin entered the world, & death by sin" (Romans 5:12). Only one person can free me from the bonds of sin & He is the God-man Jesus Christ.

I will be Your servant though you have set me free. Master & Creator, You'll be Lord to me: I Corinthians 6:20 & 7:23 both begin with the phrase "ye are bought with a price." That price was the most precious thing the world has ever known, nothing will ever compare to its value: it's the blood of Christ. The following phrases in bothe of these verses give reason as to why I should be thankful for the price Christ paid. 6:23 says, "therefore glorify God in your body, & in your spirit, which are God's." Because Christ paid my overwhelming debt of sin, I owe Him my life. The second phrase in 7:23 says, "be ye not the servants of man." Notice that I am not commanded to serve Christ, but it is a suggestion. With all that He gave me, what could I possibly give Him that would show my greatest thanks?

Take my lips & let them be filled with messages for Thee: Growing up in a Christian school it seemed that I was constantly challenged to constantly be speaking of the Lord. At first, this seemed hard, but the more I get to know my Lord, the more I find myself talking of things of the Lord. No matter where I go, no matter who I am talking to, Christ's name should be part of the conversation because He is my life.

Take my silver & my gold--not a mite would I withhold: This phrase is a reiteration of "all of my treasure," but rather than just stating what should be, this phrase shows that I am willingly giving back to God what He has so graciously given me.

I give it back to you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's amazing how the Lord sometimes uses something that is so familiar to remind me of His amazing grace & love. I have sung or heard this song many times, yet most often I am guilty of simply hearing the song & not listening to its message. Sunday, the song captured my attention & I was no longer just singing I Give It Back.

a person's a person, no matter how small

2009-01-09T09:19:00.004-06:00

For the first time EVER I am using my blog as a soapbox . . . so to speak. I don't intend to do this often, but this subject is very close to my heart.

Abortion has always been a topic that moves me emotionally. How can a person take the life of a young child? How can a person be so ignorant as to think that a fetus is not a human life? Isaiah 44:24 says, "Thus saith the LORD, thy redeemer, and He that formed thee from the womb, I am the LORD that maketh all things." For me, that settles is. God created me, in intricate detail, not when I was born, but while I was in my mother's womb. How awesome is that?!

Though abortion has be legal for quite some time (Roe vs. Wade, 410 US 113--1973), it never really effected me until I began working with political offices in 2000. All of the sudden, I realized that I could have an impact on the government--all of the sudden, my voice & opinion mattered! My sophomore year I helped with both the presidential election & promoted the sanctity of marriage & a ban on the use of an embrio for human cloning & medical research. The election & the two amendments set my brain in motion, I could no longer be naive about current issues. One thought kept running thru my head: a person is a person . . .

My junior year I was selected, as part of my drama class, to participate in a choric speaking--the selection? Horton Hears a Who by Dr. Suess. At this point you may be wondering what a children's book has to do with abortion, but the Lord used this funny story to grab my attention. Horton's most famous line is "a person's a person, no matter how small." During the choric speaking, I was a Who from Whoville--one of my lines required two other girls & me to repeat the line, "we are here! We are here! We are here!" How that line rings in my head now. Every day thousands of little, precious lives are screaming, "I am here!" only to be silenced before they are given the chance to breathe.

Forgive me, friends, for being so political, but it is our duty as Christians to protect the most wonderful thing outside of salvation--LIFE.

The writers of the FOCA (Freedom of Choice Act) are hoping to see their dreams come true. I hate to say this, but I hope I can be one to squash their dreams. The FOCA is a morally discusting & terrifying bill requiring religious hospitals, doctors, & nurses to act outside of their freedom of religion & allow & perform abortions. If these religious perfessionals & institutions refuse to perfom abortions, they risk losing their license, profession, & facilities. The Act also wants to reverse the Partial Birth Abortion Act of 2003 & nullify the law requiring doctors & hospitals to notify a minor's parents of the operation. There are many other things about this Act that I could rant & rave on. Educate yourself--be informed. Our freedoms are at risk, let your voice be heard, scream "a person's a person, NO MATTER how small!" If this interests you, more information can be found at www.FOCAfacts.com.

If this topic scares you as it does me, don't lose heart, you, too, have a voice for the tiny 'Who's of this world. If you really want your voice to be heard, contact your representative in DC & let them know that you discourage the passing of this act. More importantly, pray. Pray that the Lord would grant wisdom to those He has placed in office & be amazed at His amazing power. Then, when you go to school, to work, or just out to have fun, tell everyone, "a person's a person, no matter how small!"

born identity

2008-12-17T23:30:00.007-06:00

Today is my 12th birthday. That may sound funny to some, as I celebrated my 20th birthday exactly a week ago. On December 17, 1996, precisely one week after my 8th birthday, I received a new born identity. I realized that I could not save myself & no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to live up to God's perfect standard. I've grown alot since then. Sometimes, learning a new lesson was easy, other times, growth only came thru purging & pain. Through it all, I know that I can no longer live for myself because Christ has given me a new born identity.

As I reflected back on the day I was born again, I was reminded of a song I heard for the first time this summer: Identity by Phil Stacey. Phil Stacey gave his personal testimony as an introduction to the song. In his testimony he shared 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are past away; behold, all things are become new." As I celebrated my 12th birthday of a new born identity, I couldn't help but think of how the Lord has changed me, is changing me, & will change me.

The lyrics to Identity are a challenge to me. A challenge to daily seek to be more like Christ, to live up to my new born identity.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Identity

by Phil Stacey

You are love, so I am love

You are joy, & so I am joy

You are peace, so I am peace

Lord, everything you are

Now becomes me

And the line between where you begin

And where I end is gone

I'm in You--I know who I am

You're my true, born identity

And I'm not the one I use to be

'Cause now there is no seperating You

From who I am

You are strong, so I am strong

You are power & so I am powerful

You are mercy, so I am mercy

Lord, everything you are

Now becomes me

And the line where You begin

And where I end is gone

Now I'm in You--I know who I am

You're my true, born identity

And I'm not the one I used to be

'Cause now there is no seperating You

From who I am

Anything less is not us

Anything else is not who we are

party for two

2008-12-06T08:30:00.006-06:00

One night, not too long ago, when a few of us girls "just wanted to have fun", Katie & I discovered that our birthdays are one week apart. Almost immediately we began planning a party--a Party for Two!

Katie & I got together to plan the most amazing party in the history of parties. After choosing the venue & activity (ice skating at the Pettit Center), setting the date & time (Friday, December 5, 2008 from 6 pm to midnight), & confirming who we would like to celebrate our birthdays with us, we sent out both paper & e-mail invitations just before leaving for Thanksgiving break. I waited anxiously by my computer to see who would be able to join Katie & I for our Party for Two. Of the 30 invites sent out, 16 people agreed to celebrate with us. This past week of classes seemed to pass in slow motion. I could not wait for classes to end yesterday & get to my Party for Two!

Katie & I were joined by 16 great friends at the Pettit Ice Center in Milwaukee. I had so much fun ice skating (one of my favorite winter activities) & talking with friends. Mandy Jo & I were able were talk quite a bit as we spent most of the evening together. The most fun of the evening, at least for me, was watching others & helping Katie skate. We were a pack full of giggles & snorts as Misty, Kat, & I helped Katie around the rink. Being at the Pettit Center reminded me of countless skating activitiesback home & of other activities that I had done with my friends that joined me at my Party for Two. I felt so blessed that so many took the time to have fun & celebrate with me.

We were kicked out of the Pettit Center after two and a half short hours of fun on the ice (no worries, we weren't bad, the rink was closing for the night). Kat recommended that we continue our fellowship with food & ice cream at Kopp's. I enjoyed talking with everyone as they enjoyed homestyle ice cream & burgers. The food & fun at Kopp's was the perfect end to Katie & I's party for two.

I am truly thankful for all of my friends, whether they were able to Katie & I's Party for Two or not. They all may not believe me, but the greates gift I have receive could not be bought with money or created with man's hands, but is the comfort of being surrounded by friends. Thank you all for joining me at my Party for Two!

so much to be thankful for

2008-11-29T23:22:00.005-06:00

Have you ever taken the time to stop & count your blessings? I am never ceased to be amazed at how good my God is to me--especially when I don't deserve His love. I guess that is what I love about Thanksgiving: God opens my eyes & I see that I have so much to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving dinner has always been a big deal in my family. My mom's siblings & their families gather around one (well, actually 3) long table at my grandparents' house to enjoy a Thanksgiving feast. No one person is responsible for the dinner, the entrees are divided amongst families. Some of the entrees have become traditions: Auntie M & her family bring the turkey & meringue pies, Dad makes his famous stuffing (complete with hickory smoked bacon, yum!), Mom makes the world's most delicious rolls, our family bring ham (yes, we eat ham at Thanksgiving . . . & Christmas . . . & Easter . . .), pumkin bread, & pies, & I made mouthwatering garlic mashed potatoes. Other traditional foods, like cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, & gravy are filled in by whomever. As I looked at the 17 faces of family & friends that surrounded the tables covered with amazing food, I realized, again, that I have so much to be thankful for.

Kat was unable to go home over Thanksgiving break, so I invited her to spend the break with me in KC. I was so thankful she was able to come, not only because we were able to have a ton of fun, but also because without her, Jarid & I would have had no way to get home.

On Saturday, Kat joined my family at TCCS's annual Purple/Gold basketball games. I enjoyed catching up with old friends & was given the opportunity to cheer. Seeing all my high school friends & teachers reminded me again that I have so much to be thankful for. God blessed me with not only a great Christian education, but also with great friends & mentors who have encouraged me to live for Christ.

After the games, Jarid, Lindsay, Kat, & I joined the College & Career Sunday School class for some fun at the Asher's farm. I was able to shoot a gun for the first time in my life--it was so much fun! I missed the clay pigeons with Pastor Bishop's shot gun, but hit the target on my first try with Dad's .410. I could definately get used to skeet shooting. As the sun sunk behind the trees, we all loaded up for a hayride around the Asher's property. The sky was so beautiful! My heart yearned once again for the opportunity to live in the country someday...After the hayride, we all snuggled up around a campfire to enjoy hotdogs and s'mores. When everyone had their fill, Chris asked us to share testimonies; we all have so much to be thankful for. It was an encouragement to see & hear how the Lord is providing for myself & my friends--only because of Him do we have a reason to be thankful.

Sunday was a fun surprise--for me & for Pastor Herbster. The church celebrated Pastor & Debbie's 25th anniversary. Though I usually hate missing classes, I am so thankful that the Lord allowed me to go home early & hear testimony of how He has used Pastor to lead & direct my church. The deacons & members kept the celebration of both services a secret, planning & preparing to honor Pastor & Debbie for their service to us. The Herbster's received quite a shock in the morning service as the head deacon presented the couple with their gift: a cruise following the steps of one of the greatest missionaries--the Apostle Paul. The morning service was only the beginning, for the evening service was a full blown Baptist potluck--an event that has not happened at my church for quite some time. Matt's impressions of Pastor & the testimonies that were given overwhelmed me. The Lord truly blessed me by allowing me to grow up in such an awesome ministry. Once again, the Lord showed me that I have so much to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving break provided me with a much needed opportunity: a job. Jarid, Lindsay, Kat, & I (with a little help from Craig) were hired by Mr. Bob to clean & paint one of his rental properties. The project allowed us to spend time together.Laughter & country music echoed through the empty house. Anyone passing by would have found 4 young adults having a little too much fun working (I'm blaming it on all the chemicals & fumes). Though we were not able to complete as much as we would have liked, I was very proud of our finished project. I almost wanted to stay home & rent the property myself! Hard work always pays of--in this case in both experience & finances. The job gave me some much needed help towards my college bill. As I worked, the lesson of the week began to sink in: it was Thanksgiving break & I have so much to be thankful for.

Finally, the focus event of the week: Thanksgiving! Along with eating too much of my family's traditional scrumptious food, I was able to spend time with my cousins. Craig led games of Settler's of Catan all afternoon--they became addiciting, I did not give up until I won a game! What a blessing it was to look around & realize that I was surrounded by people who love me & want the best for me. Friends may come & go, but family, family lasts forever.

Thanksgiving break was a much needed vacation from college. Though I worked, I was able to have fun with family & friends & learn more about the Lord. Though it seems obvious, the Lord showed me in my 10 days at home that I have so much to be thankful for.

girls just wanna have fun

2008-11-20T18:30:00.001-06:00

College isn't all about academics & work. No, every once in a while (for me, more often than most) a day is set aside just for fun. A day where homework is put aside & completely devoted to relaxing & enjoying life--you know, girls just wanna have fun.

I was able to devote two days to such nothingness. Two days devoted to enjoying the company of two different groups. Kristin & I took pictures at a park on a sunny day in October. It was so nice to leave my dorm room & all the stresses of homework behind & just waste time (don't worry, I completed all my homework by its due date). We walked a park near the school, enjoying the warm sunshine of mid-October. My favorite part, as always, was the chance to talk one-on-one with Kristin. When it started to get dark, Kristin & I headed out to the nearby shopping mall, not to shop, but to take more pictures. We had a blast goofing off & showing the world that girls just wanna have fun.

After a couple of hours of chit-chat & pictures, Kat joined Kristin & I to some late night fun in the park. Kat & Kristin showed off their soccer skills while I . . . uh . . . attempted to direct the ball at a person. The hour that we spent out at the park was both hilarious & fun. What had started as a time of refining soccer skills, turned into a midnight (not literally, of course, we have a curfew) photoshoot. Proof once again that girls just wanna have fun!

*************************************************

A month later, I was stressed from school & ready for another day of fun. I had a problem, though: Kristin's weekend was full of projects & Kat was in Florida for a soccer tournament. I felt alone. The Lord saw through my selfishness, though, & helped me build new friendships with Katie, Mandy Jo, & Deb. Each of us devoted our morning & early afternoon to school work so we could just have fun later in the evening. The four of us drove out to the shopping mall & then headed over to WalMart (we are college students, after all) & finished up the evening with a late night snack at Applebee's. The best part of the evening was, once again, the opportunity to talk & get to know each other. So far, some of the best nights of my school year have been the nights when girls just wanna have fun.

follow the leader

2008-10-18T10:01:00.008-05:00

Last night I joined several of my dormmates in various hilarious & fun activities including a corn maze, a "trick-or-treat" scavanger hunt, & pumpkin decorating. For each of the activities I had to follow the leader in order to understand & enjoy the activity to its fullest.

The first activity was a corn maze. This is only my second time in a corn maze, & I have to say, this one was soo much fun! The maze was split into 8 pieces. Before starting, each group was given a full map of the maze stapled shut (only to be used in an emergency), a grid for 8 pieces, & the first piece of the map. A star was located on each piece, leading to a mailbox with the next map piece: the 8th piece leading to the exit. Jessica, Brittney, Amanda, Mandy, & I started off together. Running through a corn maze, one should always choose to follow a leader: but it took us getting lost a few times before we chose leaders. Before we knew it we were somewhat lost (we had a general idea of where we were). Mandy & Jess just started running, paying no attention to the map--would you believe that we almost ran into the first marker?! After that we tried to follow the map more closely, but found ourselves confused again. I looked at the girls & said, "Eenie, meenie, minie, moe, someone choose a way to go." Mandy Jo took license to lead us & after just two turns we found ourselves at the second marker! Jessica & I decided we did NOT want to lost again, so we began counting turns & quickly arrived at the other 4 markers & finally to the exit. We were the first group to finish by correctly following the markers (another group finished 10 minutes before we did having only reached 4 markers). Mandy Jo joked that Jessica & I should be Lewis & Clark, for leading the other three through the maze. I flipped the joke on her, saying that Britt, Amanda, & she were Lewis, And, Clark, & Jess & I were Saca & Jeweah, because Sacajeweah was the true leader of the Lewis & Clark expedition. It was so much fun to play "follow the leader" thru the corn maze!

Back on campus, we started the second portion of the evening with a devotional from Miss Heather Erickson. She spoke on the beauty of a woman who follows the Leader: Christ. A beautiful woman does not look on evil, is quick to hear & slow to speak, does what she knows to be right, sings songs, hymns, & spiritual songs, walks looking to spread the Gospel, & radiates God's holy fragrance. The devotion was perfect, encouraging each of us to follow our Leader everyday of our lives.

After the devotional, we were split into four groups: Creepy Crawlers, Wacky Werewolves, Vicious Vampires, & the Ghosts. The first game was a "trick-or-treat" scavanger hunt. 10 pumkins with candy were hidden around campus: some buckets had 10-12 pieces of candy, others only had 4 pieces. The goal was to find as many different buckets as possible. Each group was encouraged to split into smaller groups & then sent out to find the candy. Jess & I took off for the darkest places on campus--the most probable hiding places for candy! What we didn't know was that several of the guys in our brother dorm were dressed in all black & were to scare us. I was startled the first time, but then, I just laughed...until I found Jason, then I screamed! The crazieness of running around the campus looking for candy was hilarious!

At 11:30 all the groups returned to the dorm & enjoyed an hour of food, fellowship, & games. We were again asked to work together as a team & follow a leader. The night, though late, was filled with fun. I can't wait to do it again!

these are my people

2008-10-11T13:55:00.027-05:00

Spirit week has once again come & gone. I love all the excitement & craziness that accompanies the week: looking completely ridiculous is fun! Maranatha has made some changes concerning societies: they are now led by brother & sister dorms. To encourage unity within the dorm societies, the brother & sister dorms worked together to win spirit week (in the past, spirit week is fought between the classes). I loved walking around the dorm & classes, realizing that no matter how crazily they were dressed, these are my people.

Monday: Redneck Day
It was soo much fun to dress up for this day! The campus was covered in camo & hunter orange, beer-bellied boys, flannel, & blacked out teeth. The student body went out of their way to look as terrible as possible. A point was made that a "redneck" differs depending on the region of the country. We had them all: Southern NASCAR fans, East & West Coast trailer trash, & the mid-western farmer.

Tuesday: Clash Casual/Fashion Fauxpas
What a scary group we all made! Our mothers would have cried (mine laughed) to see us dressed so atrociously! As much as I love to be put together, I remember a time when fashion did not matter to me at all (I can see Momlady smiling as she reads this): as long as there was a stripe of the color in a part of my wardrobe, it matched. I remember dressing in all green when I was five telling Momlady that I matched because I was being monochromatic. I am proud to say that on Tuesday, I was able to wear a little of every color in my wardrobe, except orange. Tuesday was also Kat's 22nd birthday. Several of us went out to eat together in our spirit week garb. We received many odd glances from the other patrons at the Chinese buffet. A red-hat club was also meeting at the restraurant that afternoon & it was a blessing to talk to them. Though we were dressed rather oddly, those who found out we were from Maranatha only had good comments to say & encouraged us all to enjoy the remainder of spirit week.

Wednesday: Dynamic Duo/This & That/Famous Groups
Some very famous & some very uncheckable groups visited campus on Wednesday. There were several Superman & Lois duos, the Beatles, Sonny & Cher, the Bible staff dress as Bible referees, more than a few Thing 1 & Thing 2s showed up to stir up trouble. Jarid & I were part of two seperate Mystery Gangs. I loved being Velma & making ears for my roommate who graciously volunteered to be Scooby-Doo.

Thursday: 1968 Maranatha/Blue & Gold Day
Thursday was...interesting. Some did a great job dressing like they were students of 1968 Maranatha: Jarid & Korrine & Rachel (they dressed up like the original president & his wife, Mr. & Mrs. Cederholm). Others were floating between decades & majority of the student body donned blue & gold.

Friday: Dorm Society
Crazy chapel is held the Friday of spirit week. The dorm societies were sectioned off around the gym. Melford & Carey (Jarid is in Carey) wore black & silver, Hilsen & Leland wore green & white (rather confusing), Day & Armitage wore red & black, Gould & Spurgeon wore blue & white, & Weeks & Judson wore green & black. The student body officers put together games that provided hilarious competition between the dorms: a juggling contest, spelling with ping-pongs, a replica of Old Main out of chewed gum, & other games. My dorm society placed last, but nothing could have ruined such an awesome week.

As interesting as everyone looked this past week, I still proudly say, "These are my people."

i wanna be like you

2008-10-09T07:02:00.010-05:00

On Saturday I had the opportunity to spend a little extra time with the 1st-6th graders of Windsor--we visited the Madison Zoo! It was so much fun to take a little time to relax & get away from my normal routine while getting to know the future of Windsor Baptist Church.

Abby & I drove to Madison from the school. After a slight delay (we got a little lost in Madison) we met the church group by the seals.I loved watching the monkeys swing from tree to tree, then press their faces to the glass because they knew they were being watched. I loved watching the polar bears, one swam laps almost the entire time we were there; they are such beautiful creatures. I loved the African animals: the rhinos, giraffes, & lions; the American prairie: bison, prairie dogs, &, of course, a badger (we were in Madison, WI, home of the UW Badgers). Abby & I felt like the kids from the church that we came to meet. Those kids, & their parents, were so excited to be at the zoo! Some of the kids, along with Abby, had never been to the zoo before. Their excitement was easily spread to their parents & workers. Shane & I & some of the kids bought animal masks to wear. I am so glad to be a human, but I felt like saying "I wanna be like you!" to some of the animals.

At church on Sunday & in AWANA on Wednesday, the kids were still excited to share about their time at the zoo. The AWANA lesson for Cubbies last night was Creation. It was hard to quiet them down after asking what their favorite animal was: they loved them all! One of the girls kept saying, "Me want to be a monkey. Me want to be a bird!" The feeling was mutual. In Disney's The Jungle Book, Louie wishes to be like man, but sometimes I think that we humans "wanna be like you."

under construction

2008-10-03T18:39:00.004-05:00

"CAUTION: Life Under Construction"

Things are constantly under construction. Houses are being built, new stores set up in the mall, road construction that never seems to end (which can be rather frustrating during rush hour), the list goes on & on. It seems that wherever I turn, work is being done & things are being improved.

Change, though sometimes difficult to handle, is usually good. New houses replace burnt out shells or other unfit homes, new stores bring new styles & offer the public more variety, & new roads, as frustrating as the traffic may be, allow traffic to more smoothly from one place to another (until the road is under construction again, of course).

The difficulty with change, is that change is a continuous cycle. Things can never be fixed to perfection in this world. We will always have a need for new homes, stores, & roads (sorry, but somewhere out there, there will always be a construction related traffic jam). Though this cycle is generally viewed as a negative, it should be seen as a possitive: job opportunities, fun new fashions, & something to save up for.

I have mentioned several times that the Lord has changed me in several ways this summer: it's true! I learned so much about myself & my awesome God through the circumstances & people that He placed me in this summer. This summer, I realized that a life too, can be under construction & that this construction is a continuous cycle. I am continuing to learn areas where I fail, where I can improve, & how to fully rely on the God who was gracious enough to save me. Psalm 119:73 says, "Thy hands have made me & fashioned me: give me understanding, that I may learn Thy commandments." The less I focus on me, the more I realize that I have much more to change in order to become more like Christ. When you see me, be warned, I am a life under construction.

wasted

2008-09-06T20:32:00.002-05:00

I love the opening week of each semester at college. I love catching up with friends from around the country. I love diving back into a semi-challenging academic schedule. I love once again having the opportunity to minister at Windsor, but most of all, I love the revival services that challenge me to have a soft, open heart for Christ.

This semester's speaker was evangelist Joe Mark. Dr. Mark is truly blessed with the gift of preaching. I could not wait to listen & soak up everything he had to say: God is using him in a powerful way. Each of his messages challenged me, but one sticks with me more than the others.

On Monday evening, Dr. Mark spoke from Isaiah 44:13-17 Giving God the Garbage. He pointed out that all too often Christians only give God their leftovers--their garbage. Instead of giving the Lord what He deserves, our personal best, we selfishly keep the best of our time, money, & strength to ourselves. After a long day of serving ourselves, we realize that we have forgotten God & rush to scrape together the remainder of our time, money, & strength for Him.

By this point, you are probably wondering why this blog is entitled "wasted". Dr. Mark emphasized throughout his message that a Christian who gives God only garbage is living a wasted life. I can still hear his illustration of a saved man who lived his life for himself. On his death bed he could only scream, "WASTED!" I do not want to live a wasted life! How selfish & disheartening to give the Saviour of my soul the left-overs.

Dr. Mark did not end his sermon with the dispair of a wasted life. To avoid a wasted life a Christian must simply dedicate his time & testamony to the Christ who saved him. Dedication is not an easy task: it takes determination & communication. Determination to give God the best of what He has given & constant communication with Christ through devotions & prayer.

The opening week to my sophomore year was filled with things that I love. I love all of the teachers & classes that I am enrolled in this semester. I loved eating, hanging out, & bowling with friends. But most of all, I loved being challenged spiritually. My life will not be wasted.

the wardrobe

2008-09-01T10:10:00.005-05:00

In C. S. Lewis' epic tales, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe, Lucy Pevensie falls into a magical world just by opening a door to an old, dusty wardrobe. Yesterday, after talking with friends, I began to think about all the doors that the Lord has opened for me.

Friendships are a special gift. I cannot imagine my life without the friends that surround me, both at college & at home. Each friendship began with God opening a door where the slightest sliver of light shone through. Like Lucy I had to choose, despite the unseen costs & rewards, to engage myself in friendly conversation & open my heart to my friends. That step can be so hard! I am so thankful for the doors of friendship that the Lord directed me toward. Because of my friends I truly believe that I have been changed for good.

There are other doors: doors that lead to opportunities in ministry, academics, & career. These doors bring with them more apprehension than the doors of friendship . . . at least for me. I love meeting new people & having fun. I have been embarrassed enough in my life that I no longer care what people think about me as long as I am being myself & a good representation of Christ. That I snort & honk when I laugh does not bother me as it used to, but when Christ cracks open a door that leads to an opportunity in ministry, academics, or career, I get a little scared. I don't want to mess up something so important in my life. I am scared of the outcome, not so much in ministry, but in academics & career opportunities. It is these major areas, where I must completely trust Christ for the outcome, that I struggle the most to let go.

It is often hard to step out on faith & follow Christ; it is harder when the outcome of this step of faith cannot be seen. So many of the choices I have been challenged to make force me to trust Christ in the outcome. I love & get quite excited about change, yet it still scares me. What if I do the wrong thing? What if I make a mistake that is irreversable? This summer the Lord has taught me that I when I rely on Him there is "no cause for worry or for fear".

The Lord has so many doors cracked open: doors that lead to some great opportunities. I am excited & scared to open them & step inside leaning on Christ. Pray with me, that I would choose the best door & enter a wonderful world where I continue to grow to be more like Christ.

please remember me

2008-08-26T19:25:00.003-05:00

I am back in the state of cheeseheads & looking forward to what the Lord has planned for my future, but I can't help but beg my friends & family back in Kansas City to please remember me. I know this semester will be full of great memories, but I wouldn't be where I am without remembering you who touched my life this past summer.

My summer job this was a special treat. I was spoiled to have such an amazing manager, Erin, & wonderful, fun, & weird co-workers who quickly became friends. I already miss my "Village people": I am so glad you all came into my life. I cannot help but smile when college friends ask me what I did this summer. There are too many fun memories to share . . . "Oh my soul!" Melissa, I miss you lots & wish you the best in your life. Chris, oh my soul, there are a buttload of things I could say, but I know they all would irritate the tar out of you! :) Allen, Jody, & all the rest, I keep fond memories of you in my heart. I do hope to return to the Village next season, but I am open to the Lord's leading at this point. I miss you all!

Loving family, thanks so much for making this summer special. I didn't get to spend very much time with you all, but the time we spent together was special. My memories of you all range from baseball games & a float trip to cook-outs & family games--I sincerely miss you all. God has done wonderful things in my life this summer & I am excited to see how He will continue to stretch me this fall.

Please remember me as I tackle another semester of college. I don't believe my course load will be hard, but I must remain focused & use my time appropriately. Along with classes, I am working in the yearbook office & in the campus dining commons. Pray that the Lord will give me strength & that I will be a wise steward of the time God has given me.

Please, remember me, friends & family. I will pray for each of you when you come to my mind. I can't wait to hear from you all. Keep me informed! I ask you to please remember me as I will remember great times with all of you!

just around the riverbend

2008-08-20T21:48:00.013-05:00

This past weekend I joined my Sunday School class on their annual float trip down the Niangua River just south of the Ozarks. It was a great time to relax & enjoy the closing of the summer before heading just around the next riverbend of my life: my sophomore year of college.

The weekend started with a 3 hour bus trip. What fun just to fellowship & sleep! We arrived at the camp around 9 pm. Who set up their tents first? The Lawson/Ralph clan, of course! The seven of us (Jarid, Crystal, Paul, Tim, Alyssa, Lindsay, & I) set up our tents in about 15 minutes . . . then laughed as we watched some of the other singles struggle with tents & poles. After enjoying some delicious s'mores, we headed off to bed. Wake-up call came a little earlier than most of the singles expected, courtesy of the Lawson/Ralph tents: 6:30 am--Rise & Shine! By 10 am the other disgruntled singles (& Bishop's) were filled with a delicious breakfast, packed, & ready to ride another 30 minutes to Camp Cherry Mountain for an 8 hour float down the Niangua River.

Crystal & I were canoe partners during the trip. It was a somewhat relaxing, fun trip down the river. We avoided purposeful capsization by volunteering to transport the family cooler, which held lunch & water, down the river. I have talked all summer about how much I love spending time on the water, but nothing compares to a relaxing float down a winding Missouri river. The scenery was beautiful. As I looked around I found myself surrounded by hills of beautiful trees.

I am so glad that I was able to spend my last weekend before college with my college-aged siblings & cousins. I cannot wait to be surrounded by friends, but family members are friends that last forever. As the summer closes, I can't wait to see what awaits just around the riverbend.

two weeks notice

2008-08-11T07:18:00.002-05:00

This is my two weeks notice.

I can't believe how fast this summer has passed. There are so many things that I have done: worked 40 hours a week outside of a theme park, taken & passed American Masterpieces, actually gone INTO the park & ridden roller-coasters, gone to an outdoor production of Othello, attended (& enthusiastically supported) 5 Royals games at the "K", gone tubing with my Sunday School class, read a great book on punctuation, & just relaxed with family & friends.

This summer has been a tremendous amount of fun: from work to free-time activities. But the time to turn my brain off (if I ever have) has come to a close & I am announcing my two weeks notice. I have to admit, though, that I am looking forward to getting back to school. I am excited to continue studying toward my degree in English Education, to work on campus, & take time to just hang out & relax with friend whom I haven't seen in 3 months.

I will miss all of you who I am leaving behind in Kansas City, but I can't wait to see all my 'Natha friends again. See you all in two weeks!

abba, father

2008-07-24T12:22:00.003-05:00

For the first time this summer, I have time to read a book for fun & not for a class. There are several books that I would like to read this summer, but I decided to reread a favorite instead. I am reading, for the fifth time in three years, Leslie Ludy's Authentic Beauty. Leslie challenges her reader (me, in this case) to live a pure, set apart life for the Lord. Throughout the book she refers to Christ as every girls' perfect Prince. I love the analogy, & agree with her, but I love seeing God as my Father--the King of all.

Leslie's analogy is great--she encourages young ladies to have a vibrant relationship with Christ, their true Prince, before they seek for the young man of their dreams. This summer, I have fallen so in love with my Prince. In Song of Solomon, Christ is depicted as the "lover of my soul," the Prince in Authentic Beauty. Each time I read Ludy's book, I learn so much about myself & realize how much more I can show my love for my Prince.

About a month ago I analyzed the lyrics to Me & God. One of the lines says, "He's my Father, He's my friend." I love that. A father's love is expected to be unconditional, & I know that the love of my heavenly Father is so. Last night we sang Abba, Father. The song is a prayer from a Christian child to his heavenly Father. All of the lines are so true--I want God to have control of my life, but I know I will get scared along the way & need to lean on Him for comfort. That's what dads are for. God promises to take care of His children. Before the message of last night, Jason Webber sang Amazing Grace, Amazing Love. The song beautifully tells of the amazing grace & love that God, my Father, has for me. What a promise!

This summer I have learned so much about the character of my God as I read through the Psalms, attend church services, & read good books. My two favorite characteristics? God is my Prince, the lover of my soul & God is my Father & shows me unconditional love. How can I ever repay Him?

_____________________________________________________

Abba, Father

by Ron Hamilton

- - - - - - - - - - -

Father, hold me safe in Your arms;

Father, keep me free from all harm.

I cast my care on You

Just like a child should do--

Trusting, loving all that You are.

- - - - - - - - - -

Chorus

Abba, Father,

I rest in You;

You're always faithful,

You're always true.

Abba, Father,

You are my song

Though clouds are dark,

Though night is long.

I cry to you,

Abba, Father

- - - - - - - - - -

Father, help me lean on You more

Through each valley, through every storm.

Help me when I can't see

Your will is best for me;

Love me, hold me sheltered & warm.

- - - - - - - - - -

Father, mold me, make me like new.

Guide my footsteps, keep my heart true--

So that the world may see

Your likeness lives in me.

Break me, shape me, make me like You.

here am i, Lord

2008-07-16T22:36:00.005-05:00

A couple of friends recently posed me some questions that caused me to think about what I want to do with my future. At a youth conference about a year after accepting the Lord as my savior, I gave complete control of my life to Him. No, I have not always been consistant in following where the Lord has led me. There have been times when I didn't understand the direction God was taking me & was apprehensive about following his plan. The questions my friends asked combined with the service tonight at my church made me want to shout, "Here am I, Lord!"

Missionary Matt Stensaas, serving in Uganda, spoke about why he believes Americans are apprehensive to follow God's call. His focus was missions, but I could see his point applied to simply following the path of the Lord every day of your life. His three causes were that Americans are:

Afraid to leave comforts--Isaiah 51:12 "I, even I, am He that comforteth you:"
Brother Stensaas pointed out that Christ left EVERYTHING so that you & I could become part of His family, yet we, as Americans, are apprehensive to serve Christ on the mission field because He may ask us to give up the "comforts" of America. The same fear applies to those who are called to minister, whether part time or full time, here in the states. I had to ask myself this question: "Am I willing to give up a comfortable life to follow the Lord wherever He leads?" Tough question to answer.
Afraid of the cost--Isaiah 51:16 ". . . & have covered thee in the shadow of Mine hand. . ."
The most obvious & feared cost of a life devoted to serving the Lord is one giving their life. Brother Stensaas mentioned the irony that most Americans would willingly die for their country but resist the call to live & die for Christ. As I think about where the Lord is leading me right now, sometimes I am apprehensive. Sometimes there are a lot of "what if's" that cross my mind. I have to admit that sometimes I am afraid of the cost of living a devoted life to Christ.
Afraid to trust God--Isaiah 51:13 "And forgettest the LORD thy Maker . . . ?"
Guilty! Brother Stensaas had us consider a question that many Americans ask: "Can God be trusted?" In my notes, I wrote "DUH! He has never failed!" He also pointed out that the one thing that man refuses to give God control of usually ends up destroying him. As I consider my future, I am constantly having to remind myself that I can trust God (Jer. 29:11 & Rom. 8:28).

The questions my friends asked me previously in the week were running thru my head as I listened to Brother Stensaas. They both asked the same question . . . what do I see myself doing when I finish college. The simple answer: whatever the Lord tells me to. A more detailed answer would include getting married, teaching high school English & drama, & ministering in the local church.

This summer, the Lord has taught me so much about Himself, but mostly that He has, as a mentor would say, a SUPER DUPER plan for my life. I'm excited to see where He leads & hope that I am truly living a life that says, "Here am I, Lord."

______________________________________________________________

Here Am I, Lord
by Ron Hamilton

Lord, I give my life to you;
Take control each day.
I will follow anywhere,
Near or far away.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Chorus
Here am I, Lord, send me.
Here am I, Lord, send me.
I will serve you faithfully--
Here am I, Lord, send me.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Lord, I want your perfect will;
Be my faithful Guide.
I will never be afraid:
You are close beside.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Let me see my mission field
All around each day.
Fill my heart with Jesus' love;
Use me, Lord, I pray.

angel of music

2008-07-09T16:15:00.000-05:00

Christine could not escape the angel of music in Phantom of the Opera & here, in my real life fairytale, neither can I. No matter where I go I seem surrounded by music--it plays at work, we play it in the car, I turn it on when I get home, & even when there is no music playing I can hear it in my head. Sounds a little crazy, huh? My love for music started at a young age, but didn't really blossom until I learned to play the flute. After going to college I thought I lost my angel of music with all the excitement of a new life, but this summer, I found her again, & I refuse to let her fly away.

Music has been a passion of mine since I was little. My dad used to work on new housing developments by screwing the plywood panels to the floor to prevent squeaky floors. My brothers, sister, & I were always wanting to go & help him. Going with dad meant drinks from QT, a night away from homework, & hearing country music echo through the skeleton of a new house. If I were the unfortunate child to be left at home, I would get to help mom around the house while music poured out of the stereo. The music we listened to talked about life & the Lord. The sacred music of the Herbsters, WILDS, & various school & college groups reminded me that God is in everything; I should be praising the Lord in my everyday life. We also listened to secular music--mostly country. The songs spoke about life, real life, & I loved that. It was then that the angel of music became real to me. I no longer wanted to just listen to music; I wanted to be the one making the music.

As I grew, so did the music. I still enjoyed the Herbsters & country music, but I also learned to enjoy classical music, & let's not forget the magic of Christmas music. In fifth grade I began taking flute lessons. Our house growing up was so small & when I had to practice, piece & quiet were no where to be found in the 900 square foot house. After struggling thru scales, triplets, & arpeggios, I was able to play music. Mrs. Collier was called to another ministry after two years of lessons with her. I felt lost. I didn't want to give up what I had struggled for two years to learn. That's when the Lord sent me Elaine. Elaine became my angel of music for the next 7 years. I am so glad the Lord brought her into my life. I really began to appreciate the talent that God had given me. I had to work hard to progress & amidst all the hard work I realized that I had fallen in love with my flute. I no longer had to listen to the radio or a CD, I could play.

The Lord opened a huge door to me with music. I loved preparing for the fine arts competition at my school, but I found the most enjoyment in participating in youth orchestra & playing specials for my church.

College dropped me into a new & exciting world. I was ready for whatever the Lord brought my way, however, I was unable to play my flute because of expenses. At first, it didn't bother me--I still practiced when I could, but it wasn't the same. First semester I played a little with a church orchestra, but I yearned to do more. I felt like I had lost my angel of music. It really hit home when a friend asked how long I had played the flute after he overheard me practicing. I was shocked; it hit me that very few of my friends knew that I took private lessons for 8-9 years & even fewer knew how well I played. At that moment, I felt like I had lost my angel of music. How had I gone a whole semester without practicing 4 hours a week?

Among the whirlwind of changes that second semester brought me was the opportunity to revive my angel & fly on the wings of music. I found a new extension church that I will have a hard time leaving when I finish my degree. The ministry of music that Windsor opened to me is well worth the hour and a half drive from campus. At Windsor, I am able to accompany congregational singing with my flute & sing in the choir. I have also been asked to play specials & was even able to sing with a group for a special (something I had never dreamed of doing). Back home, my music ministry opportunities are limited. With a church full of talented musicians, it's hard to find a place to be heard. I love my church home, but as September inches closer I anticipate my return to Windsor & the ministry God has called me to there. After sitting discontentedly through a few music concerts last year I have resolved to audition for orchestra this year. I don't want to be just another member of the audience. I want to be one fifty combining together to make a joyful noise unto the Lord. I want to be someone else's angel of music.

I still love singing along to the Herbsters & country love songs. I can hardly stand doing anything (except maybe homework) without music floating thru the air. But it's the music I make with the talent God has given me that brings me the most pleasure. My angel of music, like Christine's, lives in my heart.

God bless the usa

2008-07-05T23:59:00.005-05:00

One of our local news stations took a poll on the most requested patriotic song on July 4th. There were great songs on the list: America the Beautiful, God Bless America, Stars & Stripes Forever, & others. It set my mind in motion; what is my favorite patriotic song? No, I don't know which song the citizens of Kansas City picked, but I do know what my favorite is: God Bless the USA.

I did not have the greatest attitude as I headed to work Friday. Yes, I had to work. I knew that I would be missing out on our family's traditional cookout & family games outside, but duty called. I had nothing to worry about. My family joined me at work to watch the fireworks show there. Mom brought me some of the food from the cookout. The 4th: a time for family, food, & fireworks. I didn't miss out on anything. God bless the USA!

Tonight I met a couple of friends in the theme park after work. I was finally able to enjoy some of the rollercoasters that I drive under almost daily. It was awesome to feel the knot in my stomach rise to my throat, to hear the lap-bar of each ride click into place, look out over the beauty of the park just before taking the pluge, & then screaming my head off with my hands held high. The highlight of the evening was going to a free concert by former American Idol singer, Phil Stacey. It was awesome, the guy really has talent. There were so many good songs I want to share, but the one that silenced the crowd was God Bless the USA. The crowd of about 250 went mute as the former seaman sang about his country.

Take a minute & just think about the song, the lyrics are listed below. Phil Stacey changed just two words from the lyrics of the original song, but I think he changed it for the better. Instead of saying "lucky stars" he sang "Lord above"--I think it fits the song much better, don't you? Before long you will realize that we are blessed & we need to continue to pray that God will bless the USA.

_______________________________________________

God Bless the USA

by Lee Greenwood

If tomorrow all the things were gone,

I'd worked for all my life

And I had to start again,

With just my children & my wife.

I'd thank my lucky stars,

To be livin' here today

'Cause the flag still stands for freedom

And they can't take that away.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Chorus

And I'm proud to be an American

Where at least I know I'm free.

And I won't forget the men who died,

Who gave that right to me

And I gladly stand up,

next to you & defend her still today.

'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land

God bless the USA.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

From the lakes of Minnesota

To the hills of Tennessee,

Across the plains of Texas

From sea to shining sea

From Detroit down to Houston

And New York to L.A.

Well, there's pride in every American heart,

And it's time we stand & say...

the water hole

2008-06-28T22:29:00.010-05:00

I love spending time out on the lake. The lake offers so many different entertainment opportunities: fishing, swimming, boating, tubing, &, of course, dreaming. If you asked me which of these activities are my favorite I would just smile & choose them all. Honestly, the activity is only as enjoyable as the company.

I love fishing with my dad & brothers, Jarid and Craig.Why? Hmm...hard to say. Part of it is the live bait, the stillness of the lake, creek, or river, & the time that I am able to spend with my family. If I spent a whole day fishing & never caught anything, the day would not be a waste (maybe a little disappointing, but not a waste).

Swimming, whether done in a above-ground or in-ground pool, lake, creek, or ocean is always fun. I love feeling the sand between my toes & feeling the pressure of water all around me. Sometimes I wish I was Disney's Ariel and could spend my life Under the Sea, but then again, I enjoy life on land too.

Canoe, pontoon, paddle-boating, 15 footer, or 60 footer--boating is fun (are you getting the point that I love being on or surrounded by water?)! From the ages 5 to 8, my family & I spent a week or two every summer helping with my church's camp: Southland Christian Camp & Conference in Northern Louisiana. I think the most beautiful thing about Southland is the lake that the camp surrounds. No matter where you stand on the campground you can see the beautiful deep blue water of the lake. Rather than walk around the lake, Dad & I would canoe from our cabin to where ever we needed to be. It was cool to spend time just with Dad out on the lake. When I was finally old enough to attend Southland as a camper, I could never get enough of boating out on the lake. One summer I went canoeing or paddle boating with every girl in my cabin as well as my counselor.

Tubing! Ok, so I've only done this a couple of times, but I had amazing fun every time. Pastor Bishop took the singles Sunday school class out on Blue Springs Lake to enjoy some fun in the sun--swimming & tubing on his family's boat. Jarid, Lindsay, & I joined a couple other singles & had an awesome time. Pastor Bishop works very hard to flip everyone, but he didn't get me. How, you ask? I rode with his wife & daughter; he doesn't flip them...yet.

By now you have probably noticed that I daydream pretty much anytime & anywhere. The lake is no different. Waiting my turn to ride the tube gave me time to just look at the wonder of God's creation. The lake (even though it is man-made), the trees, & the sky. Do you realize how amazing the sky is? I think it is one of the most beautiful things God creates for us. Every moment of every day the sky is different: the texture of the clouds & the color of the sky are changing constantly.

Next time you're out on the lake, ocean, or sitting along the banks of a creek, look around. While you are having fun, look around & enjoy the wonder of the creation that surrounds you.

take me out to the ballgame

2008-06-25T08:45:00.027-05:00

Baseball: America's past-time & one of my favorite sports. I love watching baseball--it's entertaining at all levels: from tee-ball to the pros. I grew up with baseball, so I guess it's now wonder that I am constantly asking Jarid to take me out to the ball game.

Dad coached both Jarid & Craig at some point in their young baseball careers. Where could I be found? Not in the stands with the other mothers & daughters, no way! I was always sitting on the bench with a uniform of my own rooting on Daddy's team. Tee-ball & then high school games were exciting to watch because my brothers were playing (Craig is better at baseball than Jarid). But my love for baseball was much bigger than that.

I have & always will "root, root, root for the home team" my Kansas City Royals. I can remember going to Kauffman Stadium (the K) to watch George Brett play as young as 5. I know that the Royals aren't the greatest team in baseball, but I love them anyway. Our biggest claim to fame happened before I was born: defeating the St. Louis Cardinals in the 1985 World Series (my grandmother's house, which was about a mile from the stadium, caught fire during game 7 causing traffic from the game to be redirected--I guess that would be my families claim to fame. . .). In Kansas City we are also famous (rather infamous) for the "pine tar incident." Any top 50 moments in baseball that you watch inevitably shows George Brett charging from the bullpen onto the field in a fit of rage that cannot be matched. No matter what the stats say or how stupid a single player acts, the Royals are my #1 team.

The most awesome experience I have from baseball is meeting the legendary Buck O'Neal (who should be in the baseball hall of fame). Buck treated Crystal, Jarid, Craig, & I like his own grandchildren. When we hugged my grandmother, he made us give him a hug as well. I was so honored to meet on of the Kansas City Monarchs (KC Negro League baseball team). That afternoon I was able to walk around the Negro League Museum & read about KC's rich baseball history. I was in baseball heaven.

________________________________________

So far this year I have visited the K three times: May 5th against the LA Angels, May 27th against the Minnesota Twins, & June 23 against the Colorado Rockies. Each time I have attended a game my seat buddies have been slightly different. The first game I went with Jarid & Travis; the second, Jarid, Lindsay, & Craig; & the third with Dad, Mom, & Crys. At each game I had a ton of fun cheering on my Royals & soaking in the life at the K: the new HD jumbo tron, the overpriced pop & nachos, the loud, screams & groans of fans, the crack of a baseball bat, Sluggerr, the T-shirt and hotdog launch, the hotdog races (Go Relish!), & singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame.

me & God

2008-06-23T08:21:00.018-05:00

Did you know I'm indestructible? It's true. I am part of an unbeatable team: me & God.

Don't get me wrong, I have bad days--frequently. Usually my bad days can be traced to one thing: selfishness. Bad days start off when I choose to focus on self rather than the Saviour. Have you ever realized that simply being refreshed from the Word of God can change your outlook on the day? I would venture to say it's impossible not to find the God of the universe if you only look. The amazing thing--the God that crafted the universe, created the creatures of the earth, the perfect God wants to be intimately close to me.

I love Josh Turner's song, Me & God. The lyrics are relevant to humble Christianity.

There ain't nothin' that can't be done by me & God. It's true! "If God be for us, who can be against us?" With God on my side I can do what seems impossible. A song that I have often heard sung by my church's choir says, "God can do what seems impossible. God controls eternity. My mind can never comprehend it, that God, in heaven, cares for me." That thought brings me to my knees--why would the God of all things want to use me? What have I done to deserve such a privilege? Nothing.
Ain't nobody come between me & God. Romans 8:38-39 says, "For I am persuaded [beyond doubt], that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor [impending, threatening] things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." The only person who can halt my relationship with God is me, when I choose to turn my back on Him. I know that I have stalled my relationship with my Saviour far too many times, yet He always openly receives me again & again.
One day we'll live together where the angels trod... Wow! Can you even imagine that? One day you, me, & every other believer will be able to live with the God of the universe forever. "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go & prepare a place for you, I will come again, & receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also" (John 14:1-3). Christ comforted His disciples, & continues to comfort Christians today, with the fact that after a hard, nearly defeating life on earth, they would be able to live with Him forever in a perfect paradise.
Early in the morning...late at night talkin' it over. Do you realize that we have a 100% all-access pass to the throne room of heaven? Humbling thought, isn't it? Throughout the Psalms, David and the other psalmists plead for the attention of God & are answered. The fact that I can talk to my God about anything is amazing to me. I can talk to Him about my struggles, weep for forgiveness, laugh in His joy, wonder at His power, and confide my deepest secrets in Him.
I am weak & He is strong. Both at college & back home in KC I am privileged to work with 3-5 year-olds. One of the songs we sing is, "My God is so GREAT, so STRONG, & so MIGHTY there's nothing my God cannot do. The mountains are His, the valleys are His, the stars are His handiwork, too. My God is so GREAT, so STRONG, & so MIGHTY there's nothing my God cannot do, for you." I am constantly amazed with how much truth is packed into songs for young children. It's a good reminder to sing with them; it corrects my perspective--"I'm so weak, & He's so strong."
He forgives me when I'm wrong. This one makes me stop in my tracks. I know myself better than anyone else. I know that I fail often & repeatedly, yet God forgives me when I ask. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful & just to forgive us our sins & to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." This truth is not just for those accepting Christ's salvation for the first time, it is a promise for every sin that every child of Christ commits. Isn't that great?
He's the One I lean on when life gets hard. God never promised His children an easy life, in fact, He promised just the opposite. "Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, & persecute you, & shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, & be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven:" (Matthew 5:11-12). "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, & pray for them which despisefully use you, & persecute you: That ye may be the children of you Father which is in heaven:" (Matthew 5:44-45). My life verse promises that God works all the trials in my life for His glory: Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."
He's my Father... when I accepted Christ as my saviour, I became a child of the King of Kings. Like my physical father, David Lawson, my God "will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory." My earthly father gives everything he has to ensure that I have what I need, & sometimes, to give me what I want. Whether it's working two jobs, cooking a great meal, or staying up until 1 am to pick me up from work, my daddy takes care of me. Yes, he has rules that I must follow: helping around the house, dressing modestly, dating rules...but my God is the same way. God has given me a Book filled with instruction on how to live a godly life. The cool thing? My earthly daddy has the same heavenly Daddy. In the end, their motives are the same. "For I know the thoughts & plans that I have for you, says the LORD, thoughts & plans for welfare & peace & not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome" (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP).
He's my friend... Ron Hamilton would say, "Jesus sticks closer than a brother, on His love I can depend. I know He never will forsake me...King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Conquering Son--though all of these, He's my very best friend." Proverbs 18:24 says, "...there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" that friend is Christ. He is my friend because of all of the things already listed: my Father, my protector, my support, & the one I can confide in.
the beginning & the end... Christ said it Himself in Revelation 22:13--"I am Alpha & Omega, the beginning & the end." Why not trust, believe, & serve the God that has always been?
He rules the world with a staff and rod. God is my shepherd. I love this analogy because sheep are one of my favorite animals. My middle name, Rachele, means "precious lamb." Yes, it's true that sheep are stupid and must be led to food & water & sometimes wander off into peril on their own accord. But as humans, we are very much like sheep. Psalm 37:23-24 says, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: & He delighteth in His way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with His hand." God shows His children where to go, yet time & time again we wander away from the cool grass & refreshing spring because we think we know better.

I know this has been a long post, thanks for sticking in there. I just want to let you all know how great my God is. It's something that I never tire of talking about. Look out world, I'm going to accomplish great things 'cause my team consists of me and God.

reading rainbow

2008-06-22T16:22:00.010-05:00

Come on, you know you watched the Reading Rainbow when you were little. And, now that I've mentioned it, the little jingle is stuck in your head, & remain there for the rest of the day. I guess that's what sparked reading for me--part of the song for the song says, "Butterfly in the sky, I can fly twice as high. Just take a look, it's in a book . . ."

I, unlike many of my college & high school friends, am still in school. No, I did not flunk a course, I chose to take a distance course from Maranatha to remain on schedule with my degree. The class: American Masterpieces. Rather than spend well over an hour writing a little about my favorite works so far, I'll resign to the method of Reading Rainbow by just suggesting that you choose some to read for yourself.

Some of the works I would suggest reading are:

Ambrose Bierce: An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge This man has talent! This is one I would highly encourage each of you to read. Bierce skillfully writes a story that you can see taking place as you read. I would tell you more, but that would ruin his talented ending . . .
Anne Bradstreet: To My Dear Children
Kate Chopin: Desiree's Baby--ending marked by cruel irony
Emily Dickenson: her poems have a morbid tone, but they speak to the heart
Benjamin Franklin: The Way to Wealth--I love Ben Franklin's wit
Nathaniel Hawthorne: Like Poe, his works are timeless. My two favorites are The Birth-Mark & The Scarlett Letter
W. D. Howells: Editha--military service means something special to me. Howells has the talent of capturing the differing views of civillians when young men enlist into the military.
Washington Irving: Rip Van Winkle--Irving captures time with his lazy man, Rip Van Winkle
Edgar Allen Poe: The Raven--I LOVE Poe's work. The Raven is my favorite poem of his, but I love most of his works.

My favorite work of the summer is the piece of science fiction that I chose for my literary analysis paper: Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. Bradbury excellently crafts metaphors throughout his work. Metaphors of fire & mirrors. The futuristic world that Bradbury creates is believable and the consequences of his illiterate society are plausable. I suppose the theme that drew me to Fahrenheit 451 is the same theme that Reading Rainbow sought to engrain in me as a child: knowledge is power.

The excerpts that I have read this summer have been a rainbow of different writing styles. I'm so glad that I enrolled in my summer course. American literature has a colorful array of writing styles, themes, & characters. I can't wait to find more works to add to my already colorful reading rainbow.

Go ahead, pick up a book and read. After all, knowledge is power.

i stand alone

2008-06-16T09:38:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I feel as though I am standing alone. It's a selfish thought, as I always have friends & family who support me, but the thought does overtake me sometimes. This thought takes form in two ways: lonliness & defense of Christian principles.

My senior year of high school was hard. I chose to do the right thing & felt like Daniel: I stood alone. It was hard to look around & realize that classmates & friends didn't want to stand with me. Even good friends, who wanted to the right thing, would refuse to stand with me because they wanted to be liked by everyone else. I hold nothing against them--I've felt that way myself. Senior trip, I think, was the time where I looked up & said, "God, I stand alone. Does no one else love you?" That question has run though my mind constantly since then. It wasn't until a message sometime last semester that I realized that there are others who feel as though they, too, stand alone.

This summer I have selfishly thought that I stand alone. Not spiritually, but socially. It is not a secret that I do not have close friends my own age at home. Coming home ment I would be able to spend more time with my parents and siblings, but no hope for friends. Until recently, I was upset & chose to feel lonely. My college friends seemed to be having fun with friends from their hometown, my best friend announced her engagement, & my brothers were spending time with their friends. I was so disappointed about being seperated from my good college friends that I didn't notice the friends God has given me: my family, specifically my parents.

I was upset on Thursday because I was spending my day off by going to Craig's basketball game. I usually love watching Craig in his many sports, but because I felt that I stood alone, I was grumpy & annoyed. My parents kept asking me what I wanted to do--all I could think was, "nothing with you! I want to hang out with my friends, who aren't here!" I finally opened up to my dad. He said, "Life sucks sometimes. I know what you're going through. Mom & I don't have many friends either & our lives are consumed with you kids--& that's ok. You know you can always spend time with me & Mom." He got me to laugh; what he said was the truth & it made sense. That's when it hit me: my best friends have been in front of me the entire time. My parents give me everything--even their time--& I didn't want to spend a little of my free time with them. I have often run to my mom for advise, a hug, or some girl talk. Though we don't talk alot, my dad has always been a comfort to me right when I need it, especially recently. I don't stand alone; my parent have been, are, & will always be there for me.

I don't know what you're going through. But if you, like me, feel like you stand alone, look around, God has given you some amazing friends that will always be there for you. Friends who will stand with you when you choose to go against the grain & do the right thing. Friends who are there for you when your other friends are scattered across the country for the summer. I've said it often, but it's true: God is good. He knows that as humans, we need friends to surround us. Even if no one is physically there for you, remember, God is always standing at your side & you never have to say, "I stand alone."

i go back

2008-06-05T09:13:00.003-05:00

Have you ever been so bored you looked back over old letters, e-mails, notes, & doodles? Every once in a while, usually when I am cleaning, I go back & look at things that I have written or have been written to me. I go back & see the progress I have made in spiritual & social growth. Yesterday was one of those mornings.

I was looking over old e-mails to & from a friend trying to find a quote to add to the blog. Being a avid lover of reading, I was reading every e-mail conversation. Reading brought back so many memories of this past year at college. Some were good, laugh out loud, memories, while others were thought provoking or sad.

I have been struggling lately with dreams. Sometimes, as I go back, I consider changing or giving up my dream because others have told me that the standard of my dreams makes achievement impossible. As I went back over the e-mails between my friend & I, I found the encouragement I needed from an e-mail that I wrote. It was funny, I was able to encourage myself with words that the Lord had given me to be an encouragement to a friend.

There are things in life I don't want to go back to: I don't wish to relive my childhood, I don't want to constantly return to sin, I don't even want to relive last year. I go back, not to relive moments gone by, but to remind myself & to learn from the past. As Chicken Little says, "Today is a new day;" why relive an old one? Yes, I go back, but in going back I am learning how to push forward.