April Writing Prompts - Tricia White Priebe

Writing has always been a large part of my life. 

As a child, I would write songs that would only be sung for myself as I pushed myself higher and higher on the swing set in our backyard or when I knew I was alone on the playground afterschool. 

In elementary, three friends and I collaborated to make our own stories for the Four Best Friends Forever. The spiral notebook would be passed around the group as each of us took a turn to write a fanciful story that included each of us. 

Throughout middle and high school, I was an avid journaler. I have always found writing true events, prayers, to-do lists and the highly academic papers everyone else dreaded to be easier than writing fiction. To this day, the request on the top of my Christmas list is a dotted bullet journal.

While in upper elementary and middle school, another school staff kid, Tricia White, was enlisted to babysit my siblings and I infrequently. Tricia's mom was a well-loved English teacher at our Christian school, so it's not terribly surprising that Tricia became a talented wordsmith. One of my core memories from middle school was attending an event where Tricia presented an original oratory about her birth and adoption story. It's best told by Tricia herself and you can find out more on her blog, Right Where You Belong.

Eventually, Tricia went to college and even had the opportunity to work with one of the well-known Christian authors behind the Left Behind series. In the past decade, she has published fiction and devotional books of her own. 

Why this short biography? Well, aside from the fact that Tricia has always inspired me in her writing and her faith, she has created writing prompts for the month of April and that has inspired me to pick up my pen--or rather pull up my keyboard and relish the mechanical click-clack--and fall back in love with a hobby that has always helped me debrief, evaluate, and celebrate the wonderful and everyday moments in my life. 

If I were you...

After posting my frustrations yesterday, one of the ladies in my Bible study also wanted to discuss the bills passed by  Missouri and Alabama and how we as Christians should respond. 

As the discussion bounced around between five or six of us, one of the ladies noted that our responses are hypothetical; most of us don't know how we truly would respond to a difficult situation, like abortion, until we find ourselves in the situation.

There's truth in that. 

The Missouri bill, which officially passed today, restricted abortions to 8 weeks with exceptions only for medical complications of the mother. One of the more prominent arguments against the bill is absence of exceptions for incest and rape. 

As we discussed the turmoil present in social media posts by friends and family, we addressed people we knew who had reasons for wanting these exceptions in place. That's when another truth struck me: personal reasons behind an abortion stance are complex and varied. 

It is foolish for defenders of the Pro-Life or the Pro-Choice movements to ridicule other about their "easy" decision. I admit, I have been at fault for this exact foolishness. 

Would I keep a child that was the result of rape? I want to say, yes, but one of the ladies pointed out the child would be a constant reminder of one of the most horrific events of your life. Could you carry the child to term and then offer up for adoption? Sure, but again, will the trauma ever end?

What if I do choose abortion within the guidelines of the exceptions of rape, incest or medical emergency? Personally, the guilt of ending the life of another would haunt me forever. I do realize that my reasoning will not resonate with many Pro-Choicers due to their definition of the start of life.

The love I would have for the child could ease the horror of rape. 

When considering medical emergency, is my life more important than the child's? Conversely, what about the stories of mothers I have read who chose their child over cancer treatment and die within hours or days of giving birth? Is it truly in the child's best interest to never have a mother? to possibly live with the guilt of causing the death of his/her mother? 

Complex, right? 

As our conversation ended, I was left with much to think about. 

Has my position on abortion changed? No. But I been challenged to consider the more complex situations behind someone else's stance. Any decision connected to pregnancy is a difficult one: you are considering the impact one choice will have on multiple individuals. 

Above all, my stance on abortion is founded on Psalm 139:13-14:

You formed my innermost parts; You knit me [together] in my mother's womb. I will give thanks and praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

All life is a wonderful creation of God. He says that His relationship with us begins "in my mother's womb" which to me dictates protecting all life within the womb (ie: from conception).

Our pastor is currently addressing controversial topics like abortion in his series "Skeptics Welcome". At the end of each lesson and question and answer time, he reiterates the importance of sharing the love of Christ with everyone we come in contact with. One way I can do this is to stop condemning those who choose abortion. I don't know the circumstances faced when making the decision. 

What I do want to make clear, dear reader, is that Pro-Life and Pro-Choice advocates do not make their decisions lightly. Both have complex situations that have dictated their decision. Treat each other with compassion.  

When does life begin?

I haven't blogged in a while, but I need an avenue for these passionate, perplexing thoughts to escape my brain. I could journal, but isn't that what a blog is? A journal of the thoughts and experiences of one in billions?

Readership is not my goal, just an opportunity to share the thoughts that get stuck in my head. Is this still my real life fairy tale. Absolutely (I have so much to catch up on), but every once in a while these are just ramblings from this redhead.

This week, Missouri and Alabama have passed Pro-Life bills known as "heart-beat" bills, restricting abortions after the appearance of a fetal heartbeat (around eight weeks into the pregnancy). My social media pages have exploded with posts of applause and anger, all from friends and acquaintances I respect.

As a preface to this post, I am unashamedly Pro-Life. I believe life begins at conception (fertilization of sperm and egg) and that all life--regardless of stage of life--ought to be protected.

the meme

One friend I respect, but disagree with on the issue of abortion, posted a meme that I have seen floating around the last few days.

I responded that I agreed that Pro-Life advocates ought to do whatever in their power to defend all life: including advocating for birth control and allowing LGBTQ+ families to adopt children, but I still do not agree with abortion of a human fetus outside miscarriage.

Am I wrong to share my beliefs with my friends and acquaintances? If advocates of anything keep their voices silent simply because someone with an opposing view will confront them, isn't the advocate seemingly supporting the opposition?

I'm tired of reading posts by progressives and conservatives that belittle those who think differently. Mocking the opposing view with names and cries of ignorance and proclamations hoping procreation isn't an option. How does belittling someone else advance your cause? Here's a hint, it doesn't.

My husband tells me not to respond to these posts. And I kind of regretted my comment the instant I posted. My friend answered tersely and several of her friends joined to tell me just how wrong I am and that my religion has blinded me (ie: you are ignorant and foolish because you don't agree with me). One even commented that it's obvious that my view is 100% based on religion because science proves when life begins.

So, filled with passion, a little bit of hurt and embarrassment, and the sass that comes with being a redhead, I opened a new tab and typed "When does life begin?" in the Google search bar.

The first response?

"The fifth grade textbook stated "Human life begins when the sperm cells of the father and the egg cells of the mother unite. This union is referred to as fertilization. For fertilization to take place and a baby to begin growing, the sperm cell must come in direct contact with the egg cell.'" (wikipedia)

Admittedly, as a teacher I tell my students that wikipedia is a launching point for other research, but I still felt this answered the challenge that "science proves when life begins." The reality is that scientists, both religious and non-religious, disagree with when life begins, which is why this topic is so controversial. Some scientists say fertilization/conception, others say life doesn't begin until the fetus has a heartbeat or a brain, still others claim an organism isn't living until it takes its first breath outside the womb.

Do I expect my friend or her friends to throw up their arms, gasp and say, "you're so right! I've been wrong all this time!" No, I don't. Just as it would be foolish of them to believe I would read their comments (omitting the unnecessary name calling) would make me immediately change my mind. But it does leave us both with something to think about.

Since then, several others have joined the conversation. Some politely and passionately advocating their position. Others mocking my religious views and bitterly faulting my view as outdated, misogynistic, and anti-woman. 

Do I regret my comment? Somewhat. If I had posted something on my personal page it would be different, encouraging friends of both sides to share their thoughts, but I stepped into an arena filled with opposing opinions to mine; I should have been more aware. I know that, now that I have chosen not to respond further, the others who partook in the conversation will say to themselves or others that they scared me off, or that I really was too foolish to defend myself. They will be the winner and I will be the loser.

If those comments are posted to the conversation, I know I will be hurt, but I don't believe I need to continue the conversation. Wisdom knows when to walk away.

Proverbs 26:4 says, "Do not answer [nor pretend to agree with the frivolous comments of] a [close-minded] fool according to his folly, otherwise you, even you, will be like him" (AMP). Don't misunderstand me, I am not calling these ladies fools: they all appeared to be educated on their stance. In a way, we all are foolish in that we are close-minded when considering our point of view on abortion. I do not agree with their position and believe it goes directly against God's directive of caring for the helpless.

Understanding that I have no desire to add further animosity to the thread or to pretend to agree with their comments, I determined to walk away.

I do believe in my privilege of sharing my point of view. However, in the future, I'll limit those comments to this blog, understanding that few, if any, readers follow along. If someone is reading this, please, feel free to comment, even if you disagree with my position.

we all want to be masters

ANNOUNCEMENT #1: I'm not teaching next year. 

*deep breath*

I know, I can't believe it either. But it's true. I'm not teaching next year. This decision was not made lightly. If you had stopped me in February and asked what I planned to be doing next year, my answer would have been adamant & disdainful: "Teaching English & drama at TCCS, of course." But by early March it was clear that the Lord was directing me to do one of the most terrifying things: give up my dream job.

Literature buffs would say, "The best laid plans of mice and men..." (thanks, Robert Burns).
Spiritual counselors would say, "Take no thought for tomorrow" (Matthew 5:34) and "God knows the plan He has for you to bring Him glory" (Jeremiah 29:11).

I think Jesus just smiled, wrapped me in His arms, and whispered, "Trust me. Take a leap of faith."

You want to know the most amazing thing about all of this? The incredible peace Christ has given. I never thought I would leave my school, but in the midst of March Madness I knew, I just knew that was what the Lord wanted. Have you ever had one of those moments? No real explanation, you just know.

Of course, now that I knew I wouldn't be teaching, I had to logically ask myself, "What's next?" Well, that leads to . . .

ANNOUNCEMENT #2: I'm getting my Master's. 

I've swayed back & forth on this decision over the last couple of years. Do I really need a Master's? What if I never get a job that 'uses' that degree? Is it worth the money? But Dad was my constant: you need your Master's. Now is the time. 

So I gave in. I mean, we all want to be masters, right? Besides, I do have this misty dream of teaching at the college level someday & I'll need, that's right, a Master's degree.

Details aren't completely hammered out but I have peace that

• obtaining a Master's is God's plan for me at this time. 
• I should be pursuing a degree in Communications. 
• I will not be teaching next year. 
• I am not being called to relocate. 

So, if you think about it, pray for me.

• Pray I find the right Master's program: affordability and 100% online.
• Pray I find a full-time job that will
• meet my financial needs.
• benefit whatever future career the Lord has for me.
• work with/pay for my Master's degree.
• provide opportunity for growth and evangelism.

Now that I've given you quite a bit to take in, I'll treat you with yet another exciting announcement later. After all, with the year closing and no job, I've got a little free time. 

this crazy thing called life

Wow. To say, "it's been a while" would be rather an understatement. Knowing that I have only a few readers (or none at all) let me do a quick summary of my life since the fall of 2013.

• January 2014--I directed my absolute favorite Shakespearean play, Twelfth Night. My students did a fabulous job performing. So proud of them. 
• March 2014--started writing my own theatrical adaptation to The Wizard of Oz called No Place Like Home. 
• May 2014--Senior Trip: Take 2! But really, I was the sponsor. Wonderful bonding moments at the Wilds, Cedar Point, & while touring Chicago. Maybe I'll treat you to a throwback post next month. 
• July 2, 2014--No Place Like Home script complete! Wow, I never thought I would be able to write my own script. 
• mid-July 2014--I trekked north to Maranatha to help direct the non-musical, The Somewhat True Tale of Robin Hood, for MBA's annual music & drama camp.
• August 2014--Began my 3rd year of teaching!
• December 2014--TCCS performed No Place Like Home  a play written, directed, & produced by me! So humbled that Jesus not only gave me an unimaginable dream, but also allowed me to see the project through to completion.

Of course many wonderful 'little' moments happened as well, but I suppose I'll save those for another time. Also, some pretty BIG things have happened in 2015, but those deserve posts of their own. Suffice it to say, I love this crazy thing we call life.

Be Inspired

As a language arts teacher I am constantly encouraging my students to look for inspiration in the world around them. Of course, my pubescent students generally respond to my enthusiastic encouragements with blank stares, but, nonetheless, I encourage them to be inspired.

So where does inspiration come from? As a lover of language and the arts, my immediate response is EVERYWHERE!

I remember

I will never forget 9-11-01.

My classmates & I began to wonder why the teachers left 40+ ornery 7th & 8th graders to themselves during the chapel hour. I was elected to head upstairs and find out what was going on. A quick glance into a few classrooms & the school office told me that I wouldn't find any of the teachers in their rooms. As I approached the choir room, I could hear the news running on the television. It was eerily quiet as one of the teachers said, "what do we tell our students?" As I peeked in the room I saw my administrator staring blankly at the large television on the rolling cart. My mother & one of the elementary teachers stood at his side. I was overwhelmed: what was going on? Why did the whole room feel so sombre? My mother & the others exited, nearly running me over. "Does Mr. Ahrens know the junior highers are by themselves downstairs?" Mom quicky filled me in as she & Mr. Ahrens escorted me downstairs.

America had been attacked.

I don't remember if they told us then or later. I do remember that the rest of the day was a blur.

I remember praying & watching the news. Each time the  planes hit & the Towers fell my stomach did flip-flops & my hear raced to my throat. I watched people run in terror as smoke filled the sky over & over agin. Never in my life have I been more terrified. Never in my life have I been more aware that God is in control and it is foolish to trust in the strength of man.

That night our church hosted a prayer vigil for those lost & missing. People from the community flooded the building--they saw the crosses rising above the interstate & came seeking answers & comfort. Strangers joined hands as people broke up in small groups to pray. We prayed for our nation; we prayed for our leaders; we prayed for the families; we prayed for the missing.

Today, I remember. 

Today, I remind.

Today, I pray that it doesn't take another act of terror to turn America's heart back to Christ.

His Eye Is on the Sparrow

Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? 

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 

Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Luke 12:6-7

Tonight we celebrated my grandmother's life. 

My family arrived at the church in the early afternoon to set up flowers & other memories for those who would come to the memorial service. The small chapel had 116 empty chairs neatly arranged anticipating the friends & loved ones expected to attend. I stood in awe as people poured in the doors of the church & greeted my father & his family. 

The once empty chairs were filled with people sharing stories about Grandma Gina. In her nearly 75 years of life, my grandmother impacted so many people for Christ! The small room was quickly packed to overflowing: chairs were pulled from neighboring rooms and set up as the aisles continued to shrink. The murmur of 200 voices filled the room with words of comfort & delightful memories. Of course, more than a few kindly old ladies hugged us grandchildren and pinched our cheeks.

Then, the service began.

As a Christian, I have always wondered how the unsaved are able to bear the loss of a loved one. What hope do they have of seeing their loved one again? Even if one does not believe in an afterlife what hope of peace is there?

Grandmas service was filled with peace and rejoicing--a conundrum, I'm sure to those who are not believers. People stood up one after another to give a testimony of how Christ was magnified through Grandma's life. I am not a crier (although I find that tears more readily appear in my eyes than they have in years past) but my eye filled with tears as person after person--young and old, male and female, family and friends--gave testimony. Grandma would have been honored to know that the testimony she left behind pointed others to the Person of Christ.

With shaking, sweaty hands, tears in my eyes, and a lump in my throat I stood up to play one last song for Grandma Gina. The selection was an easy one: "His Eye Is on the Sparrow".

What better way to honor Grandma Gina than to play a song on my flute that was a comfort to her: God was always watching & caring for her. Not only was she aware of God's presence in her life, but she was also a living testimony of Christ's love for depraved man.

I can no longer hear her voice humming & singing hymns as she reupholsters furniture in her garage, but time & time again those songs flood my mind & we sing a duet in my head. Why do we sing? The song says it all: I sing because I'm happy; I sing because I'm free! His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

Why should I be discouraged and why should the shadows fall?
Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home?
When Jesus is my portion, my constant Friend is He,
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy;
I sing because I'm free;
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled; these tender words I hear;
And resting on his goodness I lose my doubts and fears;
For by the path He leadeth but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted; whenever clouds arise;
When songs give place to sighing; when hope within me dies;
I draw the closer to Him; from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.


fun run

You know those people who run for fun? Don't you think they're crazy?

Honestly, how can anyone consider running fun? A frantically pumping heart, a dry mouth, burning lungs, & numb legs sound more like torture to me. As if running weren't torture enough, there are people who pay to run. They pay: "here's my money, can I run in a circle with you? I get a t-shirt?! Totally worth it!" NO.

For the past several years I have openly mocked my friends who run for fun. What weirdos! I chuckled as they groaned & rubbed sore muscles after a 5K. I laughed at their mud-caked bodies & sore muscles after the Warrior Dash. I winced & shook my head when they ran a half-marathon. Okay, so running is their thing, but it's definitely not mine.

Then, one day it happened: I agreed to run a 5K.

Insane, I know, but there I was 6 weeks out &, admittedly, completely unfit. So I did what any intelligent college graduate would do: I set up a schedule to start running. Of course, initially I planned to run the 1.5 mile trek through my neighborhood 3 days a week, but that was swiftly shaved down to 2 days a week. And only if the weather was good. Remember, I'm not a runner. I resolved that I was running to stay healthy & to get to know my friend better . . . the fact that sweets would be waiting at the finish line was also a fantastic motivation.

December 15, I ran my first 5K: the Candy Cane Course. I met my goal of finishing under 33 minutes (32:48 to be precise) & celebrated my milestone with milk & cookies.

And then, somehow, I kept running. Not uber consistently, but at least 1-2 times a week as long as there was good weather. In fact, I even began checking the weather so I could run.

I became what I had mocked for so long: a runner.

I still can't say that I love running. In fact, during the entirety (32:39) of our first 5K for this year (the Sweetheart Shuffle--she chose me over her boyfriend!), my friend & I groaned, "why do we do this again?" Our answer? Time together, the crazy costumes, & the sweets. We're planning on completing all 6 races in the "Holiday Fun Run" series this year. Of course, we're also trying to convince a few more friends to join us. I can't wait to have spend some quality time with my friend as we run for our sweets.

Who knows, maybe by the end of it all I'll realize, like all the other crazies, that running is fun.

Broken Guitar Strings

Yesterday morning I intended to serenade my junior high girls' Sunday School class with my miserable excuse of chording talent. I've practiced two or three songs all summer until I felt fairly confident I could accompany the girls' singing. Nothing to terrifying: Amazing Grace, I'll Say Yes, Lord, Yes, and I Want to Do Thy Will--you know, songs we've sung as a class for months.

So I arrived to church early, slipped out of orchestra as soon as I could, & snuck into the classroom to tune my guitar. Yes, I slunk through the church building--I'm not that confident in my music abilities. If I was going to make a fool of my self, it was only going to be in front of the 8-10 girls in my class.

I sat in a chair in the corner of the classroom hunched over my guitar. The only light in the room was the glow my smartphone cast on my face as I used my G string tuning app. Pitiful, I know, but sometimes I can be extremely vain.

For twenty minutes I struggled to tune my guitar. Twenty minutes. It's okay, you can laugh. And, yes, I've tuned a guitar before--it has never taken me above 2 minutes. I felt like an idiot.

My D string made painful twangs as I stretched it to its limit. Each time I turned my tuning knob I whispered, "Lord, please don't let this break." It didn't. My G string did. My heart stopped for a full three seconds as I stared blankly at the third string laying limp against my guitar. I was so frustrated I did something I rarely do: I cried.

My mother graciously helped me sneak my guitar out to the car [yes, I am that vain; yes, my mom is that awesome; & yes, it is hard to "sneak" a guitar anywhere] & rebuked my ridiculous attitude. I was frustrated &I was not trying to hide it.

What did she say?

"Obviously this wasn't the Lord's plan for you today. Ask Him what His plan is."

OUCH. Talk about a major slap in the face.

Twenty minutes later, I sat in the same room, with the lights on, encircled by seven junior high ladies. What did we talk about? God's will for our lives. What illustration did I use? Broken guitar strings.

God allowed my guitar string to break so I could learn what His will was for me that day.

But the lesson doesn't stop there. God was still working on me.

Midway through his morning message, God's Plan for Lasting Change, Pastor Kevin walked over the the piano & droned one key repeatedly. His illustration? Tuning a piano. As I sat there in my family's regular pew three quarters of the way back on the left side of the auditorium, a wave regret & insight struck me: broken guitar strings.

There are areas in my life that need to change & I've been trying to fine-tune them on my own. I've stretched myself to my limit. Before I know it a loud twang stops my heart & I sit dumb-founded at my own foolishness.

Goodness knows when I try to change on my own I will only end up with broken guitar strings.I need the Lord to tune the chords of my heart so I can appropriately praise His name.

3 Questions

Personal devotions have always been a struggle for me. Each time I pull out my Bible, my mind races with excuses: I lack focus. I fail. I don't know what to study. I'm tired. I become enslaved by the daunting task that seems impossible to me. And it is. How can I, a sinful, depraved being, possible hope for a vibrant, intimate relationship with God? On my own, I can't.

Simple Requirements

At 5:15 this morning my alarm clicked on & my ipod glowed in its stand as music filled the air. I love waking up to music--so much more motivating than the annoying, incessant blaring buzz of a typical alarm. Insead of being ripped from my slumber in anger & annoyance, I am calmly awakened by a whisper of one of my favorite songs.

Trying Perfect Patience

This week I had the wonderful opportunity to guest-post on a friend's blog. Noah's blog, The Student Center, has challenged me to grow in Christ & lead with excellence. Take a few minutes to read my article Trying Perfect Patience (a study of James 3:6-8) & then poke around Noah's page & be encouraged.

College Lessons

God has been stretching me in a variety of ways over the past year. No matter where I am, He continues to teach me about who He is, who I am in Him, & who He wants me to be. As I prepare to graduate from college & close another chapter in my life, God reminded me of some of the great lessons He has taught me over the past five years.

Change is scary, but good.
Believe it or not, I am naturally shy & moving from Missouri to Wisconsin was terrifying. But, before I knew it, terror turned to ease, ease to comfort, & comfort to love. I wouldn't trade my four years on campus for anything. Over the years I have faced a few exciting & scary changes, but I can proudly attest that [by God's grace] each change has been good.

I am never done learning, growing, & stretching.
I am definitely not the same person who stepped on campus in September 2007. God has used those scary changes to teach me that He is still molding me into the person He wants me to be. I have learned to accept myself, to reach out to others, & to push myself outside of my comfort zone. Sure, growing hurts at times, but the rewards are priceless.

Life is ministry . . .
. . . and ministry is global. While God has not specifically called me to minister overseas, He has made it clear that a life sacrificed to Him is a life of ministry. I have found no greater joy than the joy of serving Christ through campus leadership, extension ministries, friendships, & now, teaching. Wherever I am & whatever I do my life is to be a ministry of Christ. Maybe one day I will get to minister outside of the United States, but for now, I'm delighted to be serving Christ in my Jerusalem.

Dreams can be reality.
Did you know that God wants to fulfill the greatest desires of your heart? While I definitely still have dreams that I eagerly anticipate becoming reality, God has fulfilled so many of my dreams that I have no right to complain. I am an English teacher--that's a dream I've had since 2nd grade. How cool is my God?!

Relationships are vital.
Over the past 5 years God has brought people into [& taken them out of] my life that have been vital to my growth in Him. Not every relationship will grow with the same intensity or fullness, but know that God has a purpose for each person, each conflict, each relationship, that He sends our way.

Laugh at yourself.
I love to laugh, but sometimes I seriously struggle with laughing at myself [especially when I'm laughing]. College taught me to embrace my quirks [including my obnoxious, loud, goose-like laugh] because true friends will love me better for them.

Don't sweat the small stuff.
Sounds easy, doesn't it? Infected with the cancer of worry, I often make a mountain out of a mole hill. The Lord has taught me to take a deep breath, relax, & let Him take control.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
While I was away from home, God taught me to cherish my family, but now that I am away from college, He has taught me to cherish the friends I met there.

I know that I will carry these lessons with me throughout the rest of my life, but I'm also excited to see how God will continue to mold me into the image of His Son. Who knows, maybe five years from now I will be able to add to & expand upon these college lessons.

Glory in This

Have you ever wondered why God included stories & examples of doubt, despair, judgment, & betrayal in the Scriptures? Why are the books of Jeremiah & Lamentations included in the cannon? Jeremiah was known as the weeping prophet--can I really be encouraged as he pronounces judgment on God's people?

Yes.
{Doubting? Check out Hebrews 4:12--God's Word pierces our hearts because He knows our deepest thoughts and desires.}

As my youth leader has taught the teens about God's message of judgment to His people through Jeremiah, I have been challenged. Am I right with God or am I living a pharisaical, rebellious life? That's a tough question to swallow. In Jeremiah 9, God shares His desire to purify His people. Unfortunately, this purification can only come through righteous judgment. The chapter is filled with a rather depressing account of the judgment that will come to Judah. How can this passage be encouraging? Jeremiah talks of the destruction of Jerusalem, the wailing of the people, & the impending death. How can even we modern Christians glory in this?

We can't. But we can glory in the truth found in Jeremiah 9:23-24:

"Thus saith the Lord, Let no the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth & knoweth Me, that I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, & righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord."

I am no better than the Israelites to whom Jeremiah pronounced judgment. I have repetedly failed, openly rebelled against, & turned away from my God. I do not need to ask if God is just in His judgment of the unfaithful & rebellious. He is a holy, righteous, perfect God. Not only does He have the right to judge me in my sin, He must  judge me or He is not God. If I, like the Israelites, glory in my own wisdom, strength, or riches, I am a fool and deserve to be judged. The only thing I can glory in is this: my knowledge of & relationship with the God of the universe.

Jeremiah 9:23-24 blew me away. I can glory in my relationship with God. Can you?

Why Worry?

Sometimes "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine" (Proverbs 17:22) just doesn't cut it, right? I know it's not easy to trust God when the bills come. Or when family members are sick. Or when your dreams never seem to come true. Or when your enemies triumph over you. What do you do with worry then? I mean, this is worry's breeding ground.

As I thought about this cancerous characteristic in my life this weekend, I realized that the answer to worry is WORRY.

WAIT on the Lord.
Worry manifests itself the most in the moments when I refuse to be patient (another dominant struggle of mine). Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, & He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Twice I am commanded to wait on the Lord. Why? So He can strengthen my heart in Him. Still not conviced? Check out Isaiah 40:31 & Psalm 40:1. God is listening to your worries, be sure you are willing to wait on Him.

OMIT insecurities.
In order to truly strengthen my faith in Christ, I must omit the insecurities in my life by admitting them to Christ. I cannot move forward if I am looking back. For me, omitting insecurities means recognizing that I can accomplish nothing outside of Christ. 1 Peter 5:7 encourages believers to "[Cast] all your care upon Him; for He cares for you." Do you realize that cast off means to fling or throw away. When you & I cast our cares on Christ, we're not setting them casually to the side where we can reach them again; no! we are flinging them away with such force that recollecting them would be impossible. Am I really casting all my cares on the One who cares for me?

RELY on the Lord.
Two summers ago I worked at my church's summer camp as a youth counselor. Each week I led my cabin of 4-8 girls into the woods to complete an obsticle course while learning about teamwork. Most of the activities were completed with ease, but there was one activity nearly every cabin tried to avoid: Faith Fall. Not a tremendously terrifying looking activity. Just a wooden platform nailed to a tree about 6 feet in the air. The goal: one girl stands on the platform & falls backwards off the plank into the loving arms of her cabinmates. No big deal, right? Wrong. Trust is such an easy word to say but a hard action to carry out. I mean, what if they drop me? When I worry, I am telling God, "Hey, thanks for dying for my sins, but I really don't believe that You're going to catch me when I fall." How stupid is that?! Psalm 37:3-5 tells me to "Trust in the Lord, & do good; . . . Commit thy way until the Lord; trust also in Him; & He shall bring it to pass." Fall into the arms of Christ--lean all your weight on Him--He will catch you. [Other verses I love that remind me to rely on the Lord are Proverbs 3:5-6; Psalm 27:13-14.]

REJOICE in the Lord.
Psalm 42:5 asks, "Why are thou cast down, O my soul? & why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God:" Everytime I find myself enslaved to the cancerous characteristic of worry I reprimand myself--why am I worried when my hope rests in the Lord? Remember, worry is the absence of trust. Worry is choosing to complain about the situation God has chosen to lead you through. In Philippians 4:4, Paul admonishes believers to "Rejoice in the Lord always: & again I say, Rejoice!" I am commanded to rejoice in the Lord always. No exceptions. [God has a plan for your life: rejoice in it! Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 118:24)

YEARN after the Lord & His will.
When I shared this with my junior high girls' Sunday School class, I received puzzled looks: "What is yearn, Miss Lawson?" I didn't realize I had chosen such an ancient word! To yearn after something is to have an earnest or strong desire for something; to be moved or attracted toward something. To yearn after Christ means to be consumed with a crazy love for the Savior of your soul! Psalm 27:8 says, "When You said, 'Seek My face"; my hear said back to You, 'Your face, Lord, will I seek.'"

Worry is a deblitating cancer, but there is a cure! Wait on the Lord. Omit your insecurities by admitting your weakness. Rely on the Lord with all your strength. Rejoice in Him always. Yearn desperately for His soul. Next time you're worried, let WORRY return you to your joy.

a cancerous characteristic

Do you have any cancerous characteristics in your life? A habit or attitude that starts out small but rapidly multiplies until it holds nearly every aspect of your life in its iron-like clutches? For some, the cancerous characteristic in their life is an immoral relationship, others are consumed by fashion, finances, and fame. Me? Well, my heart has fallen pray to the cancer of worry.

I have always been a worrier. My imagination ran wild fretting of the what ifs that came into my life. What if one of my parents died? What if I can't go back to school/college next year? What if I never get a job? What if I never . . ? Of course, preparedness is one thing, but I become consumed with the [often] impractical & improbable what ifs.

For a long time I assumed that my cancerous characteristic was no big deal. I wasn't really hurting anybody by worrying & time eventually proved what my heart already told me: my imaginations were often impractical & improbable. Not until high school did I realize that my worry was a defiant sin against the character of God.

How? By the word's own definition. Dictionary.com defines worry as a verb meaning "to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret." I don't know about you, but even without spiritual application, I'm convinced. Did you read that? Worry is tormenting yourself. Anyone else sensing the stupidity of worry? But worry is more than tormenting yourself. One of my counselors recently defined worry as the decision to omit joy & contentment by believing that God is not who He says He is. Worry is a decision with disastrous side effects. Like the lifestyles of smoking or drinking, worry begins as a small act of rebellion or independence--a lifestyle that I claim can end at any time, but, before I know it the seed of selfish worry has grown into a cancer that grips & controls nearly ever aspect of my life. 

So what's the cure? How do I treat this cancerous characteristic? Scripture.  Proverbs 17:22 says, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth up the the bones." If worry is the absence of God given joy & peace then the cure of worry is trusting in God! Only through Him can we find joy & fight against the cancerous characteristics of our lives. 

Maim Day

There is nothing more wonderful than when you open a book to read a few pages & discover that, in no time at all, you have fallen into the pages of the fantasy world. The real world becomes a hazy memory while the book world becomes a tangible reality. The only thing better than falling into a book is leading twenty-two students on a "journey to the center of the book".
This spring my Junior High English class is studying Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes. Being the young, energetic, Ms. Frizzelish teacher that I am, I have looked for fun, creative ways to help the book come alive to the students. So far, my favorite activty has been dubbed "Maim Day."

Now, don't you worry, I didn't really maim the students, but I did come up with a fun, creative way for the students to experience a crucial event in the life of Johnny Tremain while teaching them to sympathize with those who live with disabilities everyday.

Johnny Tremain is the 12-year-old apprentice to a Boston silversmith in the early 1770s. Johnny is a pleasant boy who, unfortunately, has let his talent go to his head. Driven by arrogance and pride, Johnny runs his master's shop as if it were his own. Johnny's life was set--he would surely be a talented master silversmith one day. All he had to do was bide his time.

That is, until his accident.

As a result of a malicious, ignorant prank, Johnny severely burns his right hand in molten silver.

The morning after my students read of Johnny's horrific accident, I met them in their homeroom with prewrap & athletic tape. With no explanation to them, I bound the thumb of each students' dominant hand to his/her palm. They had to live maimed for one day.

Initial reactions included remarks like "why are we doing this?" "this is stupid" and "I can't feel my thumb!" A few students questioned my teaching capabilities as they wondered if I "had permission to do this" and "does my _________ teacher know"? Of course, I had sought counsel and gotten approval from administration and the other teachers before implementing the activity. But I was still worried: what if the students don't get the point I'm trying to make?

The students fought & struggled against the activity during the first two class periods. More than one student was retaped between class periods, but this was expected. After all, English class wasn't until third hour & they still had no idea why Miss Lawson taped their thumb down.

After a mild reprimand & a third retaping session, I finally explained the activity to the students. Yes, I did have permission to do the activity, & (believe it or not) the purpose of the activity was not to inflict pain. We discussed that we could feel our thumbs but couldn't move them, which is why the activity was slightly alarming & exceedingly frustrating. The conversation turned to what Johnny Tremain must be feeling--what thoughts were going through his head? Do you think he was afraid? Frustrated? Angry? While I can't report that the students immediately changed their minds about the activity, I could see a slight change of attitude. Yes, this activity hurts & seems kind of dumb, but Miss Lawson seems to have a reason & she's taped up too.

From there, I expanded the conversation. Yes, the activity was about Johnny Tremain, but think about those who live with frustrating disabilities everyday. Almost instantly the room that was buzzing with complaints & concerns was filled with a thick, ominous silence. Do you think they ever wish they could "rip the tape off" & and just be "normal"? Do they complain or accept their disability?

The rest of the day went of without a hitch &, if you listened closely, I'm sure you could hear twenty-two junior high students singing the Hallelujah chorus as they ripped the tape off at the first ring of the dismissal bell. They made it: they lived maimed for one day.

While the students gloried in their freedom, I thought ahead. They would soon learn that Johnny's injury is irreversable: his thumb has melted to the palm of his hand. He can no longer function as a silversmith. Johnny is now maimed for life.

My Jesus, Fair

Do you ever despise yourself? I mean, complete & utter disgust with something that you did or didn't do. A regret that seems to haunt your waking & sleeping moments? For me, these moments of despicable agony are often centered around spiritual failure. How could I fail my God again? Have you ever been there?

This weekend I found myself disgusted with the way I had responded to my parents & I punished myself by stepping away from God's Word. Not a brilliant idea, to say the least. I muddled through my weekend, pretending that life was honky-dory. Who was I kidding?

It's in these moments that God sends a soft rebuke that leaves my face stinging as though I'd received a much deserved slap. As He often does, God used His still small voice to remind me who He is & who I am (a princess of the heavenly kingdom) by His grace.

My Jesus, Fair

Chris Anderson & Greg Habegger

My Jesus, fair, was pierced by thorns

By thorns grown from the fall.

Thus He who gave the curse was torn

To end that cuse for all.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

O love divine, O matchless grace--

That God should die for men!

With joyful grief I lift my praise,

Abhoring all my sin, adoring only Him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My Jesus, meek, was scorned by men,

By men in blasphemy.

"Father, forgive their senseless sin!"

He prayed, for them, for me.

My Jesus, king, was torn by nails,

By nails of cruel men.

And to His cross, as grace prevailed,

God pinned my wretched sin.

My Jesus, pure, was crushed by God

By God, in judgment just.

The Father grieved, yet turned His rod

On Christ, made sin for us.

My Jesus strong, shall come to reign,

To reign in majesty--

The Lamb arose, and death is slain.

Lord, come in victory!

I don't know about you, but sometimes I need to be reminded that my Savior died a horrifying death, was scorned by those he came to save, & was rejected by His Father so He could reign eternally in victory. But even those glorious thoughts aren't everything. The message of the song is wrapped in the chorus--"O love divine, O matchless grace--That God should die for men!" Who am I that the holy God of heaven--the Creator of everything--chose to leave His throne & die so I could be adopted into is family? Should I not, "With joyful grief . . . lift my praise"?

It's time to wake up! Time to stop living in despair & wallowing in regret. Run to Christ. Fall at His feet, begging for His unfailing forgiveness. Then sing, with tears falling from your face, "With joyful grief I lift my praise, Abhoring all my sin, adoring only Him."

Count Your Blessings

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed

When you are discouraged thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings, name them one by one

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done!

As I opened DAVID: Seeking a Heart Like His this morning, I can tell you I was ready to blubber, not bless. I mean, it's Valentines Day and I'm single. That's a legitimate complaint, right? Wrong. Count Your Many Blessings--those four words just stared at me. Those twenty-one letters sent my mind reeling: how often do I count my blessings?

How often do you stop & count your blessings? STOP right now & take a minute to write down every blessing in your life. I'm timing you. Ready . . . GO!

How far did you get? 10-20? Did you fill the page? Is your mind still racing or did you get everything . . . & I mean everything--your breath, your health, your family, your best friend & your worst enemy . . . everything?

Today's study focused on Saul's irrational hatred for David. I mean, this guy was nuts! He focused nearly all of Israel's forces on capturing & killing David, a shepherd boy from the insignificant town of Bethlehem. Beth Moore used I Samuel 23 to discuss how God uses trials to bring blessings. I know what you're thinking, "why does God use trials? Can't He just bless me?" I've thought the same thing, but Beth's rhetorical question hit the nail on the head, "have you noticed how the colors of God's faithfulness appear brigher when the backdrop of our lives look bleak & gray" (69)? When my life is all sunshine & daisies, I'm less aware of how bright God's faithfulness is. Be honest--most of us rarely notice the moon when the sun is shining, but it's still there, shining brightly.

I Samuel 23 presents two evidences of God's faithfulness to us: a reconfirmation of His direction & His provision of encouragement. Beth remarks that "doubting God & doubting that we understood God are two different things" (69). Two vastly different things. The first, doubting God, demonstrates my lack of trust in God. According to this mindset, God has no idea what He's doing & He may need my guidance. The second, doubting that we understood God, demonstrates my lack of trust in myself. I have proven to myself that I am not trustworthy--I am prone to misunderstanding. The second demonstration of God's faithfulness is friendship. Isn't it encouraging to know that God doesn't want you to face trials on your own? God has specifically placed people in your life to encourage you during a specific trial that you will place. That, friends, is awesome planning!

Even with the knowledge of God's faithfulness "we often want to be called of God, then ushered painlessly into a position of service & honor, miraculousy possessing the character our callings require. God doesn't work that way. Our appointments are not about glamour. They're about glory, God's glory" (71). I wish I could say it in a more personal way, but Beth's words speak with clarity: it's not about me, it's all about Him!

"Painless or painful, enjoyable or distasteful, God always works to prepare us to serve Him, but He rarely prepares us in ways we expect. . . . Make no mistake. Jesus will be worth it. Remember, He thought we were worth it too" (71).

How is God molding you? Have you been counting your blessings?