wasted

I love the opening week of each semester at college. I love catching up with friends from around the country. I love diving back into a semi-challenging academic schedule. I love once again having the opportunity to minister at Windsor, but most of all, I love the revival services that challenge me to have a soft, open heart for Christ.

This semester's speaker was evangelist Joe Mark. Dr. Mark is truly blessed with the gift of preaching. I could not wait to listen & soak up everything he had to say: God is using him in a powerful way. Each of his messages challenged me, but one sticks with me more than the others.

On Monday evening, Dr. Mark spoke from Isaiah 44:13-17 Giving God the Garbage. He pointed out that all too often Christians only give God their leftovers--their garbage. Instead of giving the Lord what He deserves, our personal best, we selfishly keep the best of our time, money, & strength to ourselves. After a long day of serving ourselves, we realize that we have forgotten God & rush to scrape together the remainder of our time, money, & strength for Him.

By this point, you are probably wondering why this blog is entitled "wasted". Dr. Mark emphasized throughout his message that a Christian who gives God only garbage is living a wasted life. I can still hear his illustration of a saved man who lived his life for himself. On his death bed he could only scream, "WASTED!" I do not want to live a wasted life! How selfish & disheartening to give the Saviour of my soul the left-overs.

Dr. Mark did not end his sermon with the dispair of a wasted life. To avoid a wasted life a Christian must simply dedicate his time & testamony to the Christ who saved him. Dedication is not an easy task: it takes determination & communication. Determination to give God the best of what He has given & constant communication with Christ through devotions & prayer.

The opening week to my sophomore year was filled with things that I love. I love all of the teachers & classes that I am enrolled in this semester. I loved eating, hanging out, & bowling with friends. But most of all, I loved being challenged spiritually. My life will not be wasted.

the wardrobe

In C. S. Lewis' epic tales, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe, Lucy Pevensie falls into a magical world just by opening a door to an old, dusty wardrobe. Yesterday, after talking with friends, I began to think about all the doors that the Lord has opened for me.

Friendships are a special gift. I cannot imagine my life without the friends that surround me, both at college & at home. Each friendship began with God opening a door where the slightest sliver of light shone through. Like Lucy I had to choose, despite the unseen costs & rewards, to engage myself in friendly conversation & open my heart to my friends. That step can be so hard! I am so thankful for the doors of friendship that the Lord directed me toward. Because of my friends I truly believe that I have been changed for good.

There are other doors: doors that lead to opportunities in ministry, academics, & career. These doors bring with them more apprehension than the doors of friendship . . . at least for me. I love meeting new people & having fun. I have been embarrassed enough in my life that I no longer care what people think about me as long as I am being myself & a good representation of Christ. That I snort & honk when I laugh does not bother me as it used to, but when Christ cracks open a door that leads to an opportunity in ministry, academics, or career, I get a little scared. I don't want to mess up something so important in my life. I am scared of the outcome, not so much in ministry, but in academics & career opportunities. It is these major areas, where I must completely trust Christ for the outcome, that I struggle the most to let go.

It is often hard to step out on faith & follow Christ; it is harder when the outcome of this step of faith cannot be seen. So many of the choices I have been challenged to make force me to trust Christ in the outcome. I love & get quite excited about change, yet it still scares me. What if I do the wrong thing? What if I make a mistake that is irreversable? This summer the Lord has taught me that I when I rely on Him there is "no cause for worry or for fear".

The Lord has so many doors cracked open: doors that lead to some great opportunities. I am excited & scared to open them & step inside leaning on Christ. Pray with me, that I would choose the best door & enter a wonderful world where I continue to grow to be more like Christ.

please remember me

I am back in the state of cheeseheads & looking forward to what the Lord has planned for my future, but I can't help but beg my friends & family back in Kansas City to please remember me. I know this semester will be full of great memories, but I wouldn't be where I am without remembering you who touched my life this past summer.

My summer job this was a special treat. I was spoiled to have such an amazing manager, Erin, & wonderful, fun, & weird co-workers who quickly became friends. I already miss my "Village people": I am so glad you all came into my life. I cannot help but smile when college friends ask me what I did this summer. There are too many fun memories to share . . . "Oh my soul!" Melissa, I miss you lots & wish you the best in your life. Chris, oh my soul, there are a buttload of things I could say, but I know they all would irritate the tar out of you! :) Allen, Jody, & all the rest, I keep fond memories of you in my heart. I do hope to return to the Village next season, but I am open to the Lord's leading at this point. I miss you all!

Loving family, thanks so much for making this summer special. I didn't get to spend very much time with you all, but the time we spent together was special. My memories of you all range from baseball games & a float trip to cook-outs & family games--I sincerely miss you all. God has done wonderful things in my life this summer & I am excited to see how He will continue to stretch me this fall.

Please remember me as I tackle another semester of college. I don't believe my course load will be hard, but I must remain focused & use my time appropriately. Along with classes, I am working in the yearbook office & in the campus dining commons. Pray that the Lord will give me strength & that I will be a wise steward of the time God has given me.

Please, remember me, friends & family. I will pray for each of you when you come to my mind. I can't wait to hear from you all. Keep me informed! I ask you to please remember me as I will remember great times with all of you!

just around the riverbend

This past weekend I joined my Sunday School class on their annual float trip down the Niangua River just south of the Ozarks. It was a great time to relax & enjoy the closing of the summer before heading just around the next riverbend of my life: my sophomore year of college.

The weekend started with a 3 hour bus trip. What fun just to fellowship & sleep! We arrived at the camp around 9 pm. Who set up their tents first? The Lawson/Ralph clan, of course! The seven of us (Jarid, Crystal, Paul, Tim, Alyssa, Lindsay, & I) set up our tents in about 15 minutes . . . then laughed as we watched some of the other singles struggle with tents & poles. After enjoying some delicious s'mores, we headed off to bed. Wake-up call came a little earlier than most of the singles expected, courtesy of the Lawson/Ralph tents: 6:30 am--Rise & Shine! By 10 am the other disgruntled singles (& Bishop's) were filled with a delicious breakfast, packed, & ready to ride another 30 minutes to Camp Cherry Mountain for an 8 hour float down the Niangua River.

Crystal & I were canoe partners during the trip. It was a somewhat relaxing, fun trip down the river. We avoided purposeful capsization by volunteering to transport the family cooler, which held lunch & water, down the river. I have talked all summer about how much I love spending time on the water, but nothing compares to a relaxing float down a winding Missouri river. The scenery was beautiful. As I looked around I found myself surrounded by hills of beautiful trees.

I am so glad that I was able to spend my last weekend before college with my college-aged siblings & cousins. I cannot wait to be surrounded by friends, but family members are friends that last forever. As the summer closes, I can't wait to see what awaits just around the riverbend.

two weeks notice

This is my two weeks notice.

I can't believe how fast this summer has passed. There are so many things that I have done: worked 40 hours a week outside of a theme park, taken & passed American Masterpieces, actually gone INTO the park & ridden roller-coasters, gone to an outdoor production of Othello, attended (& enthusiastically supported) 5 Royals games at the "K", gone tubing with my Sunday School class, read a great book on punctuation, & just relaxed with family & friends.

This summer has been a tremendous amount of fun: from work to free-time activities. But the time to turn my brain off (if I ever have) has come to a close & I am announcing my two weeks notice. I have to admit, though, that I am looking forward to getting back to school. I am excited to continue studying toward my degree in English Education, to work on campus, & take time to just hang out & relax with friend whom I haven't seen in 3 months.

I will miss all of you who I am leaving behind in Kansas City, but I can't wait to see all my 'Natha friends again. See you all in two weeks!

abba, father

For the first time this summer, I have time to read a book for fun & not for a class. There are several books that I would like to read this summer, but I decided to reread a favorite instead. I am reading, for the fifth time in three years, Leslie Ludy's Authentic Beauty. Leslie challenges her reader (me, in this case) to live a pure, set apart life for the Lord. Throughout the book she refers to Christ as every girls' perfect Prince. I love the analogy, & agree with her, but I love seeing God as my Father--the King of all.

Leslie's analogy is great--she encourages young ladies to have a vibrant relationship with Christ, their true Prince, before they seek for the young man of their dreams. This summer, I have fallen so in love with my Prince. In Song of Solomon, Christ is depicted as the "lover of my soul," the Prince in Authentic Beauty. Each time I read Ludy's book, I learn so much about myself & realize how much more I can show my love for my Prince.

About a month ago I analyzed the lyrics to Me & God. One of the lines says, "He's my Father, He's my friend." I love that. A father's love is expected to be unconditional, & I know that the love of my heavenly Father is so. Last night we sang Abba, Father. The song is a prayer from a Christian child to his heavenly Father. All of the lines are so true--I want God to have control of my life, but I know I will get scared along the way & need to lean on Him for comfort. That's what dads are for. God promises to take care of His children. Before the message of last night, Jason Webber sang Amazing Grace, Amazing Love. The song beautifully tells of the amazing grace & love that God, my Father, has for me. What a promise!

This summer I have learned so much about the character of my God as I read through the Psalms, attend church services, & read good books. My two favorite characteristics? God is my Prince, the lover of my soul & God is my Father & shows me unconditional love. How can I ever repay Him?

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Abba, Father

by Ron Hamilton

- - - - - - - - - - -

Father, hold me safe in Your arms;

Father, keep me free from all harm.

I cast my care on You

Just like a child should do--

Trusting, loving all that You are.

- - - - - - - - - -

Chorus

Abba, Father,

I rest in You;

You're always faithful,

You're always true.

Abba, Father,

You are my song

Though clouds are dark,

Though night is long.

I cry to you,

Abba, Father

- - - - - - - - - -

Father, help me lean on You more

Through each valley, through every storm.

Help me when I can't see

Your will is best for me;

Love me, hold me sheltered & warm.

- - - - - - - - - -

Father, mold me, make me like new.

Guide my footsteps, keep my heart true--

So that the world may see

Your likeness lives in me.

Break me, shape me, make me like You.

here am i, Lord

A couple of friends recently posed me some questions that caused me to think about what I want to do with my future. At a youth conference about a year after accepting the Lord as my savior, I gave complete control of my life to Him. No, I have not always been consistant in following where the Lord has led me. There have been times when I didn't understand the direction God was taking me & was apprehensive about following his plan. The questions my friends asked combined with the service tonight at my church made me want to shout, "Here am I, Lord!"

Missionary Matt Stensaas, serving in Uganda, spoke about why he believes Americans are apprehensive to follow God's call. His focus was missions, but I could see his point applied to simply following the path of the Lord every day of your life. His three causes were that Americans are:

• Afraid to leave comforts--Isaiah 51:12 "I, even I, am He that comforteth you:"
  Brother Stensaas pointed out that Christ left EVERYTHING so that you & I could become part of His family, yet we, as Americans, are apprehensive to serve Christ on the mission field because He may ask us to give up the "comforts" of America. The same fear applies to those who are called to minister, whether part time or full time, here in the states. I had to ask myself this question: "Am I willing to give up a comfortable life to follow the Lord wherever He leads?" Tough question to answer.
• Afraid of the cost--Isaiah 51:16 ". . . & have covered thee in the shadow of Mine hand. . ."
  The most obvious & feared cost of a life devoted to serving the Lord is one giving their life. Brother Stensaas mentioned the irony that most Americans would willingly die for their country but resist the call to live & die for Christ. As I think about where the Lord is leading me right now, sometimes I am apprehensive. Sometimes there are a lot of "what if's" that cross my mind. I have to admit that sometimes I am afraid of the cost of living a devoted life to Christ.
• Afraid to trust God--Isaiah 51:13 "And forgettest the LORD thy Maker . . . ?"
  Guilty! Brother Stensaas had us consider a question that many Americans ask: "Can God be trusted?" In my notes, I wrote "DUH! He has never failed!" He also pointed out that the one thing that man refuses to give God control of usually ends up destroying him. As I consider my future, I am constantly having to remind myself that I can trust God (Jer. 29:11 & Rom. 8:28).

The questions my friends asked me previously in the week were running thru my head as I listened to Brother Stensaas. They both asked the same question . . . what do I see myself doing when I finish college. The simple answer: whatever the Lord tells me to. A more detailed answer would include getting married, teaching high school English & drama, & ministering in the local church.

This summer, the Lord has taught me so much about Himself, but mostly that He has, as a mentor would say, a SUPER DUPER plan for my life. I'm excited to see where He leads & hope that I am truly living a life that says, "Here am I, Lord."

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Here Am I, Lord
by Ron Hamilton

Lord, I give my life to you;
Take control each day.
I will follow anywhere,
Near or far away.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Chorus
Here am I, Lord, send me.
Here am I, Lord, send me.
I will serve you faithfully--
Here am I, Lord, send me.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Lord, I want your perfect will;
Be my faithful Guide.
I will never be afraid:
You are close beside.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Let me see my mission field
All around each day.
Fill my heart with Jesus' love;
Use me, Lord, I pray.