If I were you...

After posting my frustrations yesterday, one of the ladies in my Bible study also wanted to discuss the bills passed by  Missouri and Alabama and how we as Christians should respond. 

As the discussion bounced around between five or six of us, one of the ladies noted that our responses are hypothetical; most of us don't know how we truly would respond to a difficult situation, like abortion, until we find ourselves in the situation.

There's truth in that. 

The Missouri bill, which officially passed today, restricted abortions to 8 weeks with exceptions only for medical complications of the mother. One of the more prominent arguments against the bill is absence of exceptions for incest and rape. 

As we discussed the turmoil present in social media posts by friends and family, we addressed people we knew who had reasons for wanting these exceptions in place. That's when another truth struck me: personal reasons behind an abortion stance are complex and varied. 

It is foolish for defenders of the Pro-Life or the Pro-Choice movements to ridicule other about their "easy" decision. I admit, I have been at fault for this exact foolishness. 

Would I keep a child that was the result of rape? I want to say, yes, but one of the ladies pointed out the child would be a constant reminder of one of the most horrific events of your life. Could you carry the child to term and then offer up for adoption? Sure, but again, will the trauma ever end?

What if I do choose abortion within the guidelines of the exceptions of rape, incest or medical emergency? Personally, the guilt of ending the life of another would haunt me forever. I do realize that my reasoning will not resonate with many Pro-Choicers due to their definition of the start of life.

The love I would have for the child could ease the horror of rape. 

When considering medical emergency, is my life more important than the child's? Conversely, what about the stories of mothers I have read who chose their child over cancer treatment and die within hours or days of giving birth? Is it truly in the child's best interest to never have a mother? to possibly live with the guilt of causing the death of his/her mother? 

Complex, right? 

As our conversation ended, I was left with much to think about. 

Has my position on abortion changed? No. But I been challenged to consider the more complex situations behind someone else's stance. Any decision connected to pregnancy is a difficult one: you are considering the impact one choice will have on multiple individuals. 

Above all, my stance on abortion is founded on Psalm 139:13-14:

You formed my innermost parts; You knit me [together] in my mother's womb. I will give thanks and praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

All life is a wonderful creation of God. He says that His relationship with us begins "in my mother's womb" which to me dictates protecting all life within the womb (ie: from conception).

Our pastor is currently addressing controversial topics like abortion in his series "Skeptics Welcome". At the end of each lesson and question and answer time, he reiterates the importance of sharing the love of Christ with everyone we come in contact with. One way I can do this is to stop condemning those who choose abortion. I don't know the circumstances faced when making the decision. 

What I do want to make clear, dear reader, is that Pro-Life and Pro-Choice advocates do not make their decisions lightly. Both have complex situations that have dictated their decision. Treat each other with compassion.  

When does life begin?

I haven't blogged in a while, but I need an avenue for these passionate, perplexing thoughts to escape my brain. I could journal, but isn't that what a blog is? A journal of the thoughts and experiences of one in billions?

Readership is not my goal, just an opportunity to share the thoughts that get stuck in my head. Is this still my real life fairy tale. Absolutely (I have so much to catch up on), but every once in a while these are just ramblings from this redhead.

This week, Missouri and Alabama have passed Pro-Life bills known as "heart-beat" bills, restricting abortions after the appearance of a fetal heartbeat (around eight weeks into the pregnancy). My social media pages have exploded with posts of applause and anger, all from friends and acquaintances I respect.

As a preface to this post, I am unashamedly Pro-Life. I believe life begins at conception (fertilization of sperm and egg) and that all life--regardless of stage of life--ought to be protected.

the meme

One friend I respect, but disagree with on the issue of abortion, posted a meme that I have seen floating around the last few days.

I responded that I agreed that Pro-Life advocates ought to do whatever in their power to defend all life: including advocating for birth control and allowing LGBTQ+ families to adopt children, but I still do not agree with abortion of a human fetus outside miscarriage.

Am I wrong to share my beliefs with my friends and acquaintances? If advocates of anything keep their voices silent simply because someone with an opposing view will confront them, isn't the advocate seemingly supporting the opposition?

I'm tired of reading posts by progressives and conservatives that belittle those who think differently. Mocking the opposing view with names and cries of ignorance and proclamations hoping procreation isn't an option. How does belittling someone else advance your cause? Here's a hint, it doesn't.

My husband tells me not to respond to these posts. And I kind of regretted my comment the instant I posted. My friend answered tersely and several of her friends joined to tell me just how wrong I am and that my religion has blinded me (ie: you are ignorant and foolish because you don't agree with me). One even commented that it's obvious that my view is 100% based on religion because science proves when life begins.

So, filled with passion, a little bit of hurt and embarrassment, and the sass that comes with being a redhead, I opened a new tab and typed "When does life begin?" in the Google search bar.

The first response?

"The fifth grade textbook stated "Human life begins when the sperm cells of the father and the egg cells of the mother unite. This union is referred to as fertilization. For fertilization to take place and a baby to begin growing, the sperm cell must come in direct contact with the egg cell.'" (wikipedia)

Admittedly, as a teacher I tell my students that wikipedia is a launching point for other research, but I still felt this answered the challenge that "science proves when life begins." The reality is that scientists, both religious and non-religious, disagree with when life begins, which is why this topic is so controversial. Some scientists say fertilization/conception, others say life doesn't begin until the fetus has a heartbeat or a brain, still others claim an organism isn't living until it takes its first breath outside the womb.

Do I expect my friend or her friends to throw up their arms, gasp and say, "you're so right! I've been wrong all this time!" No, I don't. Just as it would be foolish of them to believe I would read their comments (omitting the unnecessary name calling) would make me immediately change my mind. But it does leave us both with something to think about.

Since then, several others have joined the conversation. Some politely and passionately advocating their position. Others mocking my religious views and bitterly faulting my view as outdated, misogynistic, and anti-woman. 

Do I regret my comment? Somewhat. If I had posted something on my personal page it would be different, encouraging friends of both sides to share their thoughts, but I stepped into an arena filled with opposing opinions to mine; I should have been more aware. I know that, now that I have chosen not to respond further, the others who partook in the conversation will say to themselves or others that they scared me off, or that I really was too foolish to defend myself. They will be the winner and I will be the loser.

If those comments are posted to the conversation, I know I will be hurt, but I don't believe I need to continue the conversation. Wisdom knows when to walk away.

Proverbs 26:4 says, "Do not answer [nor pretend to agree with the frivolous comments of] a [close-minded] fool according to his folly, otherwise you, even you, will be like him" (AMP). Don't misunderstand me, I am not calling these ladies fools: they all appeared to be educated on their stance. In a way, we all are foolish in that we are close-minded when considering our point of view on abortion. I do not agree with their position and believe it goes directly against God's directive of caring for the helpless.

Understanding that I have no desire to add further animosity to the thread or to pretend to agree with their comments, I determined to walk away.

I do believe in my privilege of sharing my point of view. However, in the future, I'll limit those comments to this blog, understanding that few, if any, readers follow along. If someone is reading this, please, feel free to comment, even if you disagree with my position.