the secret garden--journal 4

The long drive home and back to college this weekend gave me plenty of time to read The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgeson Burnett. The nine hour drive Sunday afternoon married the messages of the morning and the fantasy world of Misselthwait Manor in my mind. My thoughts compared the beauty of the secret garden to the peace I have in Christ.

I have always loved the story of The Secret Garden. I remember watching the movie over and over again in elementary, but time passed and I forgot about the beautiful garden. The story captured me once again after hearing Broadway’s version on an ipod at camp this summer. As soon as I returned home, I bought the CD for myself and listened to it religiously during the first two weeks at college. I finally bought the book last week and determined to read it during my trip home this weekend. And I did.

The magic of the story returned as soon as I opened the cover. Peaceful thoughts filled me as I delved deeper into the book. I could hardly wait to turn the page and read by the glow of a flashlight when the sun went down. Nothing could keep me from the words on the page. Well, almost nothing. As I read I was reminded of a verse I heard in Sunday School. Matthew 11:28 says, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and hare heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

For Mary Lennox and Colin Craven, peace and rest are represented by the “Magic” of the secret garden, but that is not true peace. God is peace. He promises the heavy-laden and overburdened ease and relief. He knows and can give exactly what is needed.

Distress is a part of life. Like Mary and Colin, I become overwhelmed with circumstances and only see the gray, dead world around me. Selfishness blinds the beauty that surrounds me; it separates me from the peace I have in Christ. If I listen to the voice of God and cultivate my soul to grow in Him, a secret garden will grow within me.

jello & dreams

I hate jello. Nothing about watered-down, partially-solidified Kool-Aid sounds edible to me. The thought of jello jiggling down my throat makes me cringe. Friends & family who delight in this dessert disaster confuse me. Sure, jello jiggles & invokes laughter in young children, but who really wants to eat a dessert that still moves in its final form. And don't get me started on putting fruit chunks inside. *Bleck!*

Opinionated? Absolutely.

Now, to completely change subject (I'll get to the connection in a second), I love to dream. Spare minutes, whether between classes or riding in the car, fill my mind with hopes & dreams. Scraps of paper & blank pages disappear quickly as I quickly try to capture the thoughts running through my brain. I currently keep up with three journals. Yes, you read that correctly: three.

Obsessed? Maybe. 

In devos this week, Holly related dreams to jello. Dreams, like jello, conform to the shape of the mold they are in. The conformity deceives, though. A slight jiggle or squeeze changes the shape indefinitetly. I dislike jello because I cannot grasp it. If I grab too tightly, the jello oozes between my fingers & falls to the ground. My dreams are the same way, when I hold onto them tightly, they fall apart.

Dreams & jello must be held with care--hands open & palms to the sky. As a dreamer, I hold tightly to my dreams. I built them with sweat & tears, so I don't to see them destroyed or changed. How could they get any better? I built them.

But that's the problem. I built them. How can my dreams get better? By letting the Master Architect take over. By giving God complete control. When I hold my dreams like I hold jello--hands open, palms to the sky--I am allowing Him to shape my dreams for the best.

Carey Scmidt, author of Life Quest, uses Jeremiah 29:11 describes God's plan for my dreams this way, "He's [God] notonly thinking of me, He's thinking good thoughts [emphasis mine]. . . . But He doesn't stop there. It gets better. . . . He continues unabashedly unveiling His passionate heart for you. He says that He's thinking thoughts of peace to bring you to an expected end--a quest with a delightful destination! Those words expected end literally mean an arrival at the things you've hoped for or the fulfillment of the deepest longings of your heart. Are you falling in love with this God as much as I am?"

I am.

Dreams are jello, so don't hold on too tight, or they'll ooze between your fingers.

first impressions--journal 3

As I was reading “The Mousetrap,” a mystery play by Agatha Christie, thoughts of first impressions came to my mind. “The Mousetrap” traps the characters and audience in the newly opened Monkswell Manor guest house during a snow storm. First impressions cause Mollie and Giles Ralston, the owners of Monkswell Manor, to question the character of their guests. Secrets hide the truth and a twist ending surprises all. Though the Ralstons and their guests are creations of Agatha Christie, assumptions based on first impressions occur often in real life.

Each new segment of my life brings change. Some changes I run to with anticipations, others I crawl slowly toward, afraid of the outcome. Whether I run with anticipation or crawl with fear, change involves people and first impressions. New semesters bring new roommates, camp brought new coworkers, and each camp week brought three to nine new campers. My first impressions of these new people are as varied as their individual personalities. My initial reaction to new people often parallels Giles’s attitude: everyone is weird.

Counseling at camp this summer showed me the flaws I make with first impressions. Every Monday for nine weeks, I met and made assumptions about new campers. I based my assumptions on church membership, dress height, and weight. Before I knew her name, I mentally evaluated the joy and trials my camper would bring to the cabin. The second week of junior camp brought four bubbly, hyper girls to my cabin. I anticipated a fun, stress-free week. I was wrong. Every day was filled with the constant giggling of four disobedient girls. Frustration filled me as I reprimanded them at every turn. My first impression was dead wrong. The angel-faced eight-year-olds I welcomed on Monday morning brought me to my knees multiple times throughout each day. By the end of the week, I realized that second impressions deceive as well. The four girls God sent me that week were what I needed to become more like Christ.

water--journal 2

As I was reading a quote by Helen Keller this weekend, I was struck with the impact my words have on myself and those around me. The life of Helen Keller has always interested me, so I jumped at the opportunity to read The Miracle Worker, a play on Keller’s childhood, for one of my dramatic production classes last year. Keller lived in a dark and silent world almost from birth. Until Anne Sullivan arrived and began to teach her, Keller never knew the beauty and wonder of the world that surrounded her. Sullivan’s games brought light to Keller’s world. Years later Keller looked back on the day she first understood the language Sullivan was teaching: “The mystery of language was revealed to me. I knew then that ‘water’ meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand. That living word awakened my soul, gave it light, joy, set it free!”

Words are powerful. I can affect a friend’s attitude just by my words. Keller said that words “awakened my soul, gave it light, joy, set it free.” What I have to say can bring light and joy to others. Counseling at a Christian camp this summer gave me opportunity to watch God use my words to brighten the lives of others. When my own wisdom and words failed, which was often, I delighted to see God speak through me. One Friday evening I was able to sympathize with a camper because of a personal trial God had already brought me through. God gave me the words she and I both needed so we could in turn give glory to Him. As I related my story to her, God brought verses to my mind. Ephesians 3:20-21 says, “Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end, Amen.” The words of God’s promise awakened, brightened, filled, and freed me in the same way that the knowledge and understanding of ‘water’ impacted Keller.

castles in the air

Writing has always been a passion of mine, so a required class titled 'Advanced Writing' tickled my fancy. What could possibly be more fun than a class about writing? Each week I have to turn in a journal assignment that begins "As I was reading __________ this weekend, a thought struck me . . ." Being the planner that I am, I was anticipating writing my first journal entry on a new book I am reading, but my plans were changed when Mandy Jo gave me a journal she bought for me in China.

The cover reads 'DREAM' in big, bold, red letters. I was excited just by the cover--I love dreams! --but the real treasure are the pages between the covers. Pictures of sea & landscapes fill the book with little quotes on life & dreaming sprinkled along the way. Of course, there is pleanty of room to write as well. Mandy Jo could not have selected a better gift!

Homework was a quick & easy task this weekend & I soon found myself bored. Reading was an option, but I really wasn't in the mood. As I scanned my desk, my eyes caught the little DREAM journal. What fun it would be to fill those blank pages! I sat at my desk for five minutes or more contemplating what to fill the blank spaces with. Then it hit me. Why not write down my dreams--the realistic & fanciful, plausible & impractical--in the book filled with quotes on dreams?

Almost immediately, a quote by Henry David Thoreau came to mind. With the aid of google, I quickly located the entire quote, which, in turn, sparked the idea for my journal entry this week. Below is the entire quotation (I love the whole passage) & part of my writing assignment. Be encouraged! Dream big & build your castles in the air!

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favour in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” (Thoreau, Walden)

Thoreau’s encouragement brings to mind so many of God’s promises to me, particularly those of his thoughts for me and His will for the direction of my life. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that God has thoughts and plans for my life that exceed my wildest dreams. The castles He would build for me are far greater than any I could build for myself.

I am, without a doubt, a dreamer. I desire to accomplish great things with my life: I want to change the world! Thoreau’s quote sparked thoughts of my “castles in the air.” My castles have changed shape and size over the years. Why? because of Psalm 37:4, “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” As I have grown closer to my Lord I have learned that Psalm 37:4 is not saying that I should only obey God so I will get what I want, but rather that the more I delight and grow in my knowledge of the person of God, the more I will want what God wants for my life. I want to have built great, majestic castles in my dreams and I want to see them become a reality, but more than anything, I want God to be the master architect of my life. He helps me craft beautiful castles and gives me the ability to build the foundations I need to bridge fantasy and reality.

the best I can give

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight, & the sin which doth so easily beset us,
& let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith:
who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame, & is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

The God & I study for the campers at Southland this summer focuses on the race of the Christian life. It has been a joy to dive into Hebrews 12 & learn how to run the race Christ has set before me without the weight of sin, focused on the prize He has placed before me.

During teen weeks, I have the opportunity to discuss the day’s devotion in depth with the girls in my cabin. Each week God has stretched my thinking & shown me something new & amazing about Himself.

This past week I was talking with one of my campers about the awesome sacrifice that Christ paid for my sins & yet the frustration I experience realizing that I don’t give God what He deserves. As we walked around the empty, quiet ball-field she looked at me & said, “The best we can give God is the least of what He deserves.” I stopped in shock. How true! God gave everything. He held nothing back. He sent His Son to pay for my sin. Even if I live the rest of my life in full dedication to Him, it would only be a drop in the bucket of the payment He deserves.

Though I can’t dream to repay Him for His merciful grace, I want to run the rest of my race according to His will: with energy, enthusiasm, endurance, & without encumbrance.

TUESDAY: RUN WITH ENERGY
The Tuesday devotional discusses the physical & mental energy needed to run a race. Mark 12:30 commands Christians to give the Lord ALL their heart, soul, mind, & strength. Discipline & hard work are needed to train the body to undergo long distances physically, but mental energy is more important. A runner may have the physical training necessary to complete a race, but if he/she starts the race with a negative spirit, then the race is lost before it has begun. If I want to be victorious in my Christian race I must first win mentally—Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

“I work as though it all depends on me & I pray as though it all depends on God.” –D.L. Moody

WEDNESDAY: RUN WITH ENTHUSIASM
If you have ever met me or seen me as I cheer on one of my teams, you know that I fill my life with energy! Southland keeps a rather unhealthy stock of giant jawbreakers for campers to buy. During junior weeks you cannot escape the presence of those disgusting, sticky, white balls! The campers never put them down & the evidence is left all over their face—around the corners of their mouth, down their chin, & even on the underside of their nose! It’s rather disgusting! During the last junior week a church sponsor asked me if I ate one of those detestable sugar balls to keep up my energy. “No,” I laughed with only a hint of distain, “God has just naturally given me the energy in one of those things.”

Enthusiasm is defined in our God & I books as a “strong urgent desire or interest. . . . a compelling power that overcomes all obstacles.” Our culture depicts an enthusiastic personality as one who is the life of the party, but a spiritual enthusiast is one who gets excited about God. One who exuberantly shows his/her love for God & His Word.

For me, the most eye-opening part of this lesson is a list of activities I am to rate from 1 to 10 pertaining to my enthusiasm: watching a sporting event, listening to sermons, eating, God & I time, memorizing Scripture, ect. Sadly, as I look down the list, I realize that I am more enthusiastic about the secular, not the sacred. That shouldn’t be! I should be giving Christ my ALL! He gave everything for me; “the best we can give God is the least of what He deserves.”

At the end of the study, the campers are asked to list the names of people who have influenced them because of their enthusiasm for Christ. Then, another kicker question: “Would any of your friends write your name down?”

Well, would they?

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be the same person you’ve always been.

THURSDAY: RUN WITHOUT ENCUMBRANCE
For those of you who are racking your brain for the definition of encumbrance, let me help you: weights. There are two types of encumbrances that Christians must put off—sins & weights.

Weights are unnecessary baggage that we carry with us through life. There is nothing sinful about a weight except the limitations they put on the runner. I Corinthians 9:24-27 encourages the spiritual runner to “run that ye may obtain” & to “strive for the mastery.” How? By bringing your body “into subjection, lest that by any means you should be a castaway.”

I usually describe it this way. At the end of each meal, the campers pass their plates to me. Anything left on their plate, ketchup, half-eaten sandwiches, fries, ect., is scraped onto the top plate for easy disposal. Sounds delicious, right? When we fail to bring our body into subjection, we are offering God the castaways, that top plate. That’s disgusting!

Weights are priorities, people, pleasures, places and possessions that are given more attention than God & His Word. The weights differ from person to person. What do you need to get rid of?

The second encumbrance is sin. These must be gotten rid of because they do harm. Multiple times throughout Scripture, Christians are encouraged to “lay aside” or “put off” characteristics of the old, sinful man. In the same motion of putting off, the Christian must find something to put on & replace that old sin habit. What is the best thing to put on & fight sin? Scripture.

FRIDAY: RUN WITH ENDURANCE
Friday is possibly my favorite discussion. In their God & I time, the girls read the first eleven verses of Hebrews 12, encouraging them to run with patience, which can be translated as endurance. Endurance is the ability to run a long distance with consistent energy. I am to give Christ 100% 100% of the time (I know that looks confusing, but it’s true!) As the booklet puts it: “the Bible compares the Christian life to a race: not just a 100-yard dash, but a marathon.”

A second thing we discuss is the fact that Christ is the “author & finisher of our faith.” Being a literature person, I love this illustration. God is the author of my life. He has written every year, month, day, & hour. What could be more awesome than that? The fact that He has already completed the book. As I live out one sentence, He has already finished the book. All I have to do is follow His will & I will have the best “happily ever after.” I love it. As much as I love to read, my life is the best page-turner I will ever pick up.

“For I know the plans I have for you, saith the Lord,

thoughts of peace & not of evil to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11

“For the Lord God is a sun & shield, the Lord will give grace & glory;

no good thing will He withhold form them that walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

“For I, the Lord thy God, will hold thy right hand,

saying unto thee, “Fear not, I will help thee.” Isaiah 40:13

wrong thinking

“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times . . .”

As your mom or dad jambs their finger in your face and repeats that well-worn phrase for the millionth time you roll your eyes & turn off your ears. They’ll have to say it again later because you’re still not listening . . . true?

Sadly, we sometimes treat church messages the same way. After a simple introduction of the passage things like, “Uh, I’ve already heard this message. I could preach this message I’ve heard it so many times. Does this guy have any other messages or illustrations?” run through our heads. Before the message starts, we’ve already rolled our eyes & turned off our ears. In our minds we complain about the wasted thirty to forty minutes that lie ahead.

That’s wrong thinking.

Last week, I found myself wallowing in disappointment & selfishness as the preacher stood to deliver God’s word. “I’ve already heard this message,” I thought. “Doesn’t he have something else he could speak on?” How selfish! I had the gall to look back through the blue composition book that sat in my lap, look at the notes & considered not taking notes because I “already have this anyway.” Instead, with a sigh of boredom, I opened the book to a clean page & prepared to take notes. On the same message. For a third time. Filled with a complaining spirit, I wrote across the top of the page: Does he have any other illustrations/messages?

I wish I could tell you that as soon as I wrote those horrible, selfish words, I marked them out. But I didn’t. In fact, I started grudgingly taking notes. As Brother DeGuarde preached, those words seemed to lift from the page. “WRONG THINKING! WRONG THINKING!” my head screamed! The Holy Spirit grabbed a hold of my heart & I was ashamed. After ten minutes of conviction because of words I wrote myself, the top of my page said:
Does he have any other illustrations/messages? <---wrong thinking
What does God still need to teach me (through this message)? <---right thinking

All I had to do was change my perspective. Though I have been saved for over a decade, there is still much for me to learn. I should never come to a service with the predisposed thinking that I have nothing else to learn. You & I have heard it before: repetition aids learning. How true.

So, the next time you sit down in a service & begin to shut down because “I’ve heard this a thousand times,” give yourself a mental check & don’t be tempted by wrong thinking.