Broken Guitar Strings

Yesterday morning I intended to serenade my junior high girls' Sunday School class with my miserable excuse of chording talent. I've practiced two or three songs all summer until I felt fairly confident I could accompany the girls' singing. Nothing to terrifying: Amazing Grace, I'll Say Yes, Lord, Yes, and I Want to Do Thy Will--you know, songs we've sung as a class for months.

So I arrived to church early, slipped out of orchestra as soon as I could, & snuck into the classroom to tune my guitar. Yes, I slunk through the church building--I'm not that confident in my music abilities. If I was going to make a fool of my self, it was only going to be in front of the 8-10 girls in my class.

I sat in a chair in the corner of the classroom hunched over my guitar. The only light in the room was the glow my smartphone cast on my face as I used my G string tuning app. Pitiful, I know, but sometimes I can be extremely vain.

For twenty minutes I struggled to tune my guitar. Twenty minutes. It's okay, you can laugh. And, yes, I've tuned a guitar before--it has never taken me above 2 minutes. I felt like an idiot.

My D string made painful twangs as I stretched it to its limit. Each time I turned my tuning knob I whispered, "Lord, please don't let this break." It didn't. My G string did. My heart stopped for a full three seconds as I stared blankly at the third string laying limp against my guitar. I was so frustrated I did something I rarely do: I cried.

My mother graciously helped me sneak my guitar out to the car [yes, I am that vain; yes, my mom is that awesome; & yes, it is hard to "sneak" a guitar anywhere] & rebuked my ridiculous attitude. I was frustrated &I was not trying to hide it.

What did she say?

"Obviously this wasn't the Lord's plan for you today. Ask Him what His plan is."

OUCH. Talk about a major slap in the face.

Twenty minutes later, I sat in the same room, with the lights on, encircled by seven junior high ladies. What did we talk about? God's will for our lives. What illustration did I use? Broken guitar strings.

God allowed my guitar string to break so I could learn what His will was for me that day.

But the lesson doesn't stop there. God was still working on me.

Midway through his morning message, God's Plan for Lasting Change, Pastor Kevin walked over the the piano & droned one key repeatedly. His illustration? Tuning a piano. As I sat there in my family's regular pew three quarters of the way back on the left side of the auditorium, a wave regret & insight struck me: broken guitar strings.

There are areas in my life that need to change & I've been trying to fine-tune them on my own. I've stretched myself to my limit. Before I know it a loud twang stops my heart & I sit dumb-founded at my own foolishness.

Goodness knows when I try to change on my own I will only end up with broken guitar strings.I need the Lord to tune the chords of my heart so I can appropriately praise His name.

3 Questions

Personal devotions have always been a struggle for me. Each time I pull out my Bible, my mind races with excuses: I lack focus. I fail. I don't know what to study. I'm tired. I become enslaved by the daunting task that seems impossible to me. And it is. How can I, a sinful, depraved being, possible hope for a vibrant, intimate relationship with God? On my own, I can't.

Simple Requirements

At 5:15 this morning my alarm clicked on & my ipod glowed in its stand as music filled the air. I love waking up to music--so much more motivating than the annoying, incessant blaring buzz of a typical alarm. Insead of being ripped from my slumber in anger & annoyance, I am calmly awakened by a whisper of one of my favorite songs.

Trying Perfect Patience

This week I had the wonderful opportunity to guest-post on a friend's blog. Noah's blog, The Student Center, has challenged me to grow in Christ & lead with excellence. Take a few minutes to read my article Trying Perfect Patience (a study of James 3:6-8) & then poke around Noah's page & be encouraged.

College Lessons

God has been stretching me in a variety of ways over the past year. No matter where I am, He continues to teach me about who He is, who I am in Him, & who He wants me to be. As I prepare to graduate from college & close another chapter in my life, God reminded me of some of the great lessons He has taught me over the past five years.

Change is scary, but good.
Believe it or not, I am naturally shy & moving from Missouri to Wisconsin was terrifying. But, before I knew it, terror turned to ease, ease to comfort, & comfort to love. I wouldn't trade my four years on campus for anything. Over the years I have faced a few exciting & scary changes, but I can proudly attest that [by God's grace] each change has been good.

I am never done learning, growing, & stretching.
I am definitely not the same person who stepped on campus in September 2007. God has used those scary changes to teach me that He is still molding me into the person He wants me to be. I have learned to accept myself, to reach out to others, & to push myself outside of my comfort zone. Sure, growing hurts at times, but the rewards are priceless.

Life is ministry . . .
. . . and ministry is global. While God has not specifically called me to minister overseas, He has made it clear that a life sacrificed to Him is a life of ministry. I have found no greater joy than the joy of serving Christ through campus leadership, extension ministries, friendships, & now, teaching. Wherever I am & whatever I do my life is to be a ministry of Christ. Maybe one day I will get to minister outside of the United States, but for now, I'm delighted to be serving Christ in my Jerusalem.

Dreams can be reality.
Did you know that God wants to fulfill the greatest desires of your heart? While I definitely still have dreams that I eagerly anticipate becoming reality, God has fulfilled so many of my dreams that I have no right to complain. I am an English teacher--that's a dream I've had since 2nd grade. How cool is my God?!

Relationships are vital.
Over the past 5 years God has brought people into [& taken them out of] my life that have been vital to my growth in Him. Not every relationship will grow with the same intensity or fullness, but know that God has a purpose for each person, each conflict, each relationship, that He sends our way.

Laugh at yourself.
I love to laugh, but sometimes I seriously struggle with laughing at myself [especially when I'm laughing]. College taught me to embrace my quirks [including my obnoxious, loud, goose-like laugh] because true friends will love me better for them.

Don't sweat the small stuff.
Sounds easy, doesn't it? Infected with the cancer of worry, I often make a mountain out of a mole hill. The Lord has taught me to take a deep breath, relax, & let Him take control.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
While I was away from home, God taught me to cherish my family, but now that I am away from college, He has taught me to cherish the friends I met there.

I know that I will carry these lessons with me throughout the rest of my life, but I'm also excited to see how God will continue to mold me into the image of His Son. Who knows, maybe five years from now I will be able to add to & expand upon these college lessons.

Glory in This

Have you ever wondered why God included stories & examples of doubt, despair, judgment, & betrayal in the Scriptures? Why are the books of Jeremiah & Lamentations included in the cannon? Jeremiah was known as the weeping prophet--can I really be encouraged as he pronounces judgment on God's people?

Yes.
{Doubting? Check out Hebrews 4:12--God's Word pierces our hearts because He knows our deepest thoughts and desires.}

As my youth leader has taught the teens about God's message of judgment to His people through Jeremiah, I have been challenged. Am I right with God or am I living a pharisaical, rebellious life? That's a tough question to swallow. In Jeremiah 9, God shares His desire to purify His people. Unfortunately, this purification can only come through righteous judgment. The chapter is filled with a rather depressing account of the judgment that will come to Judah. How can this passage be encouraging? Jeremiah talks of the destruction of Jerusalem, the wailing of the people, & the impending death. How can even we modern Christians glory in this?

We can't. But we can glory in the truth found in Jeremiah 9:23-24:

"Thus saith the Lord, Let no the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth & knoweth Me, that I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, & righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord."

I am no better than the Israelites to whom Jeremiah pronounced judgment. I have repetedly failed, openly rebelled against, & turned away from my God. I do not need to ask if God is just in His judgment of the unfaithful & rebellious. He is a holy, righteous, perfect God. Not only does He have the right to judge me in my sin, He must  judge me or He is not God. If I, like the Israelites, glory in my own wisdom, strength, or riches, I am a fool and deserve to be judged. The only thing I can glory in is this: my knowledge of & relationship with the God of the universe.

Jeremiah 9:23-24 blew me away. I can glory in my relationship with God. Can you?

Why Worry?

Sometimes "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine" (Proverbs 17:22) just doesn't cut it, right? I know it's not easy to trust God when the bills come. Or when family members are sick. Or when your dreams never seem to come true. Or when your enemies triumph over you. What do you do with worry then? I mean, this is worry's breeding ground.

As I thought about this cancerous characteristic in my life this weekend, I realized that the answer to worry is WORRY.

WAIT on the Lord.
Worry manifests itself the most in the moments when I refuse to be patient (another dominant struggle of mine). Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, & He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Twice I am commanded to wait on the Lord. Why? So He can strengthen my heart in Him. Still not conviced? Check out Isaiah 40:31 & Psalm 40:1. God is listening to your worries, be sure you are willing to wait on Him.

OMIT insecurities.
In order to truly strengthen my faith in Christ, I must omit the insecurities in my life by admitting them to Christ. I cannot move forward if I am looking back. For me, omitting insecurities means recognizing that I can accomplish nothing outside of Christ. 1 Peter 5:7 encourages believers to "[Cast] all your care upon Him; for He cares for you." Do you realize that cast off means to fling or throw away. When you & I cast our cares on Christ, we're not setting them casually to the side where we can reach them again; no! we are flinging them away with such force that recollecting them would be impossible. Am I really casting all my cares on the One who cares for me?

RELY on the Lord.
Two summers ago I worked at my church's summer camp as a youth counselor. Each week I led my cabin of 4-8 girls into the woods to complete an obsticle course while learning about teamwork. Most of the activities were completed with ease, but there was one activity nearly every cabin tried to avoid: Faith Fall. Not a tremendously terrifying looking activity. Just a wooden platform nailed to a tree about 6 feet in the air. The goal: one girl stands on the platform & falls backwards off the plank into the loving arms of her cabinmates. No big deal, right? Wrong. Trust is such an easy word to say but a hard action to carry out. I mean, what if they drop me? When I worry, I am telling God, "Hey, thanks for dying for my sins, but I really don't believe that You're going to catch me when I fall." How stupid is that?! Psalm 37:3-5 tells me to "Trust in the Lord, & do good; . . . Commit thy way until the Lord; trust also in Him; & He shall bring it to pass." Fall into the arms of Christ--lean all your weight on Him--He will catch you. [Other verses I love that remind me to rely on the Lord are Proverbs 3:5-6; Psalm 27:13-14.]

REJOICE in the Lord.
Psalm 42:5 asks, "Why are thou cast down, O my soul? & why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God:" Everytime I find myself enslaved to the cancerous characteristic of worry I reprimand myself--why am I worried when my hope rests in the Lord? Remember, worry is the absence of trust. Worry is choosing to complain about the situation God has chosen to lead you through. In Philippians 4:4, Paul admonishes believers to "Rejoice in the Lord always: & again I say, Rejoice!" I am commanded to rejoice in the Lord always. No exceptions. [God has a plan for your life: rejoice in it! Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 118:24)

YEARN after the Lord & His will.
When I shared this with my junior high girls' Sunday School class, I received puzzled looks: "What is yearn, Miss Lawson?" I didn't realize I had chosen such an ancient word! To yearn after something is to have an earnest or strong desire for something; to be moved or attracted toward something. To yearn after Christ means to be consumed with a crazy love for the Savior of your soul! Psalm 27:8 says, "When You said, 'Seek My face"; my hear said back to You, 'Your face, Lord, will I seek.'"

Worry is a deblitating cancer, but there is a cure! Wait on the Lord. Omit your insecurities by admitting your weakness. Rely on the Lord with all your strength. Rejoice in Him always. Yearn desperately for His soul. Next time you're worried, let WORRY return you to your joy.

a cancerous characteristic

Do you have any cancerous characteristics in your life? A habit or attitude that starts out small but rapidly multiplies until it holds nearly every aspect of your life in its iron-like clutches? For some, the cancerous characteristic in their life is an immoral relationship, others are consumed by fashion, finances, and fame. Me? Well, my heart has fallen pray to the cancer of worry.

I have always been a worrier. My imagination ran wild fretting of the what ifs that came into my life. What if one of my parents died? What if I can't go back to school/college next year? What if I never get a job? What if I never . . ? Of course, preparedness is one thing, but I become consumed with the [often] impractical & improbable what ifs.

For a long time I assumed that my cancerous characteristic was no big deal. I wasn't really hurting anybody by worrying & time eventually proved what my heart already told me: my imaginations were often impractical & improbable. Not until high school did I realize that my worry was a defiant sin against the character of God.

How? By the word's own definition. Dictionary.com defines worry as a verb meaning "to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret." I don't know about you, but even without spiritual application, I'm convinced. Did you read that? Worry is tormenting yourself. Anyone else sensing the stupidity of worry? But worry is more than tormenting yourself. One of my counselors recently defined worry as the decision to omit joy & contentment by believing that God is not who He says He is. Worry is a decision with disastrous side effects. Like the lifestyles of smoking or drinking, worry begins as a small act of rebellion or independence--a lifestyle that I claim can end at any time, but, before I know it the seed of selfish worry has grown into a cancer that grips & controls nearly ever aspect of my life. 

So what's the cure? How do I treat this cancerous characteristic? Scripture.  Proverbs 17:22 says, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth up the the bones." If worry is the absence of God given joy & peace then the cure of worry is trusting in God! Only through Him can we find joy & fight against the cancerous characteristics of our lives. 

Maim Day

There is nothing more wonderful than when you open a book to read a few pages & discover that, in no time at all, you have fallen into the pages of the fantasy world. The real world becomes a hazy memory while the book world becomes a tangible reality. The only thing better than falling into a book is leading twenty-two students on a "journey to the center of the book".
This spring my Junior High English class is studying Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes. Being the young, energetic, Ms. Frizzelish teacher that I am, I have looked for fun, creative ways to help the book come alive to the students. So far, my favorite activty has been dubbed "Maim Day."

Now, don't you worry, I didn't really maim the students, but I did come up with a fun, creative way for the students to experience a crucial event in the life of Johnny Tremain while teaching them to sympathize with those who live with disabilities everyday.

Johnny Tremain is the 12-year-old apprentice to a Boston silversmith in the early 1770s. Johnny is a pleasant boy who, unfortunately, has let his talent go to his head. Driven by arrogance and pride, Johnny runs his master's shop as if it were his own. Johnny's life was set--he would surely be a talented master silversmith one day. All he had to do was bide his time.

That is, until his accident.

As a result of a malicious, ignorant prank, Johnny severely burns his right hand in molten silver.

The morning after my students read of Johnny's horrific accident, I met them in their homeroom with prewrap & athletic tape. With no explanation to them, I bound the thumb of each students' dominant hand to his/her palm. They had to live maimed for one day.

Initial reactions included remarks like "why are we doing this?" "this is stupid" and "I can't feel my thumb!" A few students questioned my teaching capabilities as they wondered if I "had permission to do this" and "does my _________ teacher know"? Of course, I had sought counsel and gotten approval from administration and the other teachers before implementing the activity. But I was still worried: what if the students don't get the point I'm trying to make?

The students fought & struggled against the activity during the first two class periods. More than one student was retaped between class periods, but this was expected. After all, English class wasn't until third hour & they still had no idea why Miss Lawson taped their thumb down.

After a mild reprimand & a third retaping session, I finally explained the activity to the students. Yes, I did have permission to do the activity, & (believe it or not) the purpose of the activity was not to inflict pain. We discussed that we could feel our thumbs but couldn't move them, which is why the activity was slightly alarming & exceedingly frustrating. The conversation turned to what Johnny Tremain must be feeling--what thoughts were going through his head? Do you think he was afraid? Frustrated? Angry? While I can't report that the students immediately changed their minds about the activity, I could see a slight change of attitude. Yes, this activity hurts & seems kind of dumb, but Miss Lawson seems to have a reason & she's taped up too.

From there, I expanded the conversation. Yes, the activity was about Johnny Tremain, but think about those who live with frustrating disabilities everyday. Almost instantly the room that was buzzing with complaints & concerns was filled with a thick, ominous silence. Do you think they ever wish they could "rip the tape off" & and just be "normal"? Do they complain or accept their disability?

The rest of the day went of without a hitch &, if you listened closely, I'm sure you could hear twenty-two junior high students singing the Hallelujah chorus as they ripped the tape off at the first ring of the dismissal bell. They made it: they lived maimed for one day.

While the students gloried in their freedom, I thought ahead. They would soon learn that Johnny's injury is irreversable: his thumb has melted to the palm of his hand. He can no longer function as a silversmith. Johnny is now maimed for life.

My Jesus, Fair

Do you ever despise yourself? I mean, complete & utter disgust with something that you did or didn't do. A regret that seems to haunt your waking & sleeping moments? For me, these moments of despicable agony are often centered around spiritual failure. How could I fail my God again? Have you ever been there?

This weekend I found myself disgusted with the way I had responded to my parents & I punished myself by stepping away from God's Word. Not a brilliant idea, to say the least. I muddled through my weekend, pretending that life was honky-dory. Who was I kidding?

It's in these moments that God sends a soft rebuke that leaves my face stinging as though I'd received a much deserved slap. As He often does, God used His still small voice to remind me who He is & who I am (a princess of the heavenly kingdom) by His grace.

My Jesus, Fair

Chris Anderson & Greg Habegger

My Jesus, fair, was pierced by thorns

By thorns grown from the fall.

Thus He who gave the curse was torn

To end that cuse for all.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

O love divine, O matchless grace--

That God should die for men!

With joyful grief I lift my praise,

Abhoring all my sin, adoring only Him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My Jesus, meek, was scorned by men,

By men in blasphemy.

"Father, forgive their senseless sin!"

He prayed, for them, for me.

My Jesus, king, was torn by nails,

By nails of cruel men.

And to His cross, as grace prevailed,

God pinned my wretched sin.

My Jesus, pure, was crushed by God

By God, in judgment just.

The Father grieved, yet turned His rod

On Christ, made sin for us.

My Jesus strong, shall come to reign,

To reign in majesty--

The Lamb arose, and death is slain.

Lord, come in victory!

I don't know about you, but sometimes I need to be reminded that my Savior died a horrifying death, was scorned by those he came to save, & was rejected by His Father so He could reign eternally in victory. But even those glorious thoughts aren't everything. The message of the song is wrapped in the chorus--"O love divine, O matchless grace--That God should die for men!" Who am I that the holy God of heaven--the Creator of everything--chose to leave His throne & die so I could be adopted into is family? Should I not, "With joyful grief . . . lift my praise"?

It's time to wake up! Time to stop living in despair & wallowing in regret. Run to Christ. Fall at His feet, begging for His unfailing forgiveness. Then sing, with tears falling from your face, "With joyful grief I lift my praise, Abhoring all my sin, adoring only Him."

Count Your Blessings

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed

When you are discouraged thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings, name them one by one

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done!

As I opened DAVID: Seeking a Heart Like His this morning, I can tell you I was ready to blubber, not bless. I mean, it's Valentines Day and I'm single. That's a legitimate complaint, right? Wrong. Count Your Many Blessings--those four words just stared at me. Those twenty-one letters sent my mind reeling: how often do I count my blessings?

How often do you stop & count your blessings? STOP right now & take a minute to write down every blessing in your life. I'm timing you. Ready . . . GO!

How far did you get? 10-20? Did you fill the page? Is your mind still racing or did you get everything . . . & I mean everything--your breath, your health, your family, your best friend & your worst enemy . . . everything?

Today's study focused on Saul's irrational hatred for David. I mean, this guy was nuts! He focused nearly all of Israel's forces on capturing & killing David, a shepherd boy from the insignificant town of Bethlehem. Beth Moore used I Samuel 23 to discuss how God uses trials to bring blessings. I know what you're thinking, "why does God use trials? Can't He just bless me?" I've thought the same thing, but Beth's rhetorical question hit the nail on the head, "have you noticed how the colors of God's faithfulness appear brigher when the backdrop of our lives look bleak & gray" (69)? When my life is all sunshine & daisies, I'm less aware of how bright God's faithfulness is. Be honest--most of us rarely notice the moon when the sun is shining, but it's still there, shining brightly.

I Samuel 23 presents two evidences of God's faithfulness to us: a reconfirmation of His direction & His provision of encouragement. Beth remarks that "doubting God & doubting that we understood God are two different things" (69). Two vastly different things. The first, doubting God, demonstrates my lack of trust in God. According to this mindset, God has no idea what He's doing & He may need my guidance. The second, doubting that we understood God, demonstrates my lack of trust in myself. I have proven to myself that I am not trustworthy--I am prone to misunderstanding. The second demonstration of God's faithfulness is friendship. Isn't it encouraging to know that God doesn't want you to face trials on your own? God has specifically placed people in your life to encourage you during a specific trial that you will place. That, friends, is awesome planning!

Even with the knowledge of God's faithfulness "we often want to be called of God, then ushered painlessly into a position of service & honor, miraculousy possessing the character our callings require. God doesn't work that way. Our appointments are not about glamour. They're about glory, God's glory" (71). I wish I could say it in a more personal way, but Beth's words speak with clarity: it's not about me, it's all about Him!

"Painless or painful, enjoyable or distasteful, God always works to prepare us to serve Him, but He rarely prepares us in ways we expect. . . . Make no mistake. Jesus will be worth it. Remember, He thought we were worth it too" (71).

How is God molding you? Have you been counting your blessings?

You've Got Mail

Nothing compares to the joy I experience when, after a long day of teaching, I come home and find a sealed envelope on my chair in the living room. My mind is flooded with a million thoughts in the three seconds it takes me to cross the room. Who sent me a letter? What will the letter contain? Pictures? Money (yeah, right)? I know! My crush will finally admit that he likes me too (hey, I said a million thoughts, I didn't say a million practical thoughts)! While a majority of my mail includes billing statements & a ridiculous number of credit card applications, every once in a while I get a letter (none, so far, from that crush, but I'm still waiting). A "how are you doing?" note that tells me that somebody cares about me.

I suppose it's no surprise that one of my favorite movies is You've Got Mail starring Tom Hanks (Joe Fox) & Meg Ryan (Kathleen Kelly). The movie captures my love for written communication (although I prefer handwritten letters to e-mails) & places a modern twist on my favorite novel, Pride & Prejudice.

Kathleen Kelly writes it beautifully in You've Got Mail, "What will he say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go on line, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you."


Contrary to popular belief, letter are more than just words on a page. Without even opening the envelope, I know that the sender is saying, "Hey, I care about you" & that has an unique effect on me. "The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings" (Kathleen Kelly, You've Got Mail).

I love to communicate with my friends with handwritten notes, e-mails, & facebook messages. Our correspondence has no greater goal than staying in touch: we share prayer requests & blessings, discuss what God is teaching, vent a little over our frustrations, & share our deepest secrets. The note could be filled with vital information or nothing at all. All that matters is that we are communicating.

I don't know who is reading this today or if you feel the way I do about writing. I know that I'm a little odd & sometimes a little too romantic. Whether you write your biggest crush, your dearest friend, your mom, or your grandmother, I hope you write letters to someone. Remember, "a man that has friends must prove himself friendly" (Proverbs 18:24, my interpretation). Who are you being a friend to today?

sha'ul

Confused of the title of this post? Do you know what the word means (or do you care to look it up) or would you rather I just tell you? I'll give you a hint--it's not Greek, it's Hebrew. Any guesses now?

Okay, I can't wait any longer. It means "asked for" in Hebrew & it was the introduction to the single ladies spring Bible study: DAVID: Seeking a Heart Like His by Beth Moore. So, what's so cool about sha'ul & what does that little Hebrew word have to do with David? Let me tell you.

Pop culture proclaims that the story of my life begins with me, but is that really true? In the introduction to week one, Beth Moore refutes this humanistic argument as she introduces us to the people who shaped David's life remarking that "A person's story never begins with his or her own. . . . Our lives are often laboriously intertwined with another we have neither chosen nor fully accepted" (8). God started molding David's life, not at his birth, but with the lives of his two counselors: Saul & Samuel.

In I Samuel 1, a woman named Hannah asks God for a son. When her request is answered, she names her son Samuel (shem'el) which sounded similar to the word "asked for (sha'ul). To show her gratitude, Hannah returnsto God what she had asked for & God uses Samuel to accomplish His will in a mighty way.

In I Samuel 8, the people of Israel demand that Samuel select a king to rule over the nation. Following the Lord's direction, Samuel anoints a tall, good-looking Benjaminite named Saul. Where Samuel's name sounds like "asked for", Saul's name literally means "asked for". God literally gave the children of Israel what they asked for! Sadly, the nation soon discoved that what they asked for, wasn't really what they wanted.

Saul eventually loses God's favor because his "position exceed his passion." He worshipped God, not because he wanted to, but because he was a Hebrew. God was part of the package deal. As Beth Moore put it, "There is a country mile's difference between pleasing & appeasing God" (9).

As Beth Moore spoke, I could remember a little too well times when God gave me exactly what I asked for &, like the people of Israel, I soon regretted my choice. That little word sha'ul (which I can surely write better than I could pronounce) has been a rebuke to me. What have I been asking God for? "He wants my whole heart--the whole splattered mess." Am I willing to give Him what He has asked for?

Because

I know I said that I wasn't going to answer "why?" with "because" anymore, but, let's be honest, you were expecting it. Which is interesting because I wasn't.

Why you ask? Because God is still teaching me what "because" means.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 says, "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, & keep his commandments: for this is the whold duty of man." Did you catch that--the whole duty of man rests in two words: fear & obedience.

Fear is humbly bending my body down & lifting my heart & hands up to God in reverential worship--not a shaking terror of what God will do to me if I don't obey. Obedience blossoms from proper fear. If I truly fear the Lord then I will obey Him because I want to worship Him withe every action.

Even if obeying Him will bring me pain.

Paul tells the believers in Corinth to expect trials because of their faith & encourages them not to give up, "therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy [God granting us favor, benefits, opportunities, & especially salvation], we faint not [do not get discouraged or overcome with fear]" (2 Cor. 4:1).

So, why do I do what I do? Because I have received mercy & I have no reason to doubt God's love for me.

Why?

Has anyone ever asked you why you do what you do? What was your response—a simple response or a ten-point message explaining each intricate thought behind the decision?
When I left home for college five years ago, I found that when others asked me, “why?” all I could do was repeat the question to myself: Why do I do what I do?

If you asked my high school classmates to describe me you would probably hear adjectives like hoity-toity, stuck-up, goodie-two-shoes, & teacher’s pet. Not only was I known for following the rules, I also had the audacity to encourage my classmates to follow them as well. I was one of those irritating students who loved school. I mean LOVED. I played school in the summer & counted down to the first day of school. Weird. People got the impression that I did right because I wanted to stay out of trouble. While avoiding trouble may have been part of my logic, it wasn’t my main motivation. I did right because, well, it was the right thing to do. Crazy, I know.

As I entered college, my mentality for obeying rules remained the same. Was my logic wrong? Well, no, but it wasn’t right either.

Between my sophomore & junior years in college I began to ask myself the question people had been asking me for years, “why do I do what I do?” I was disturbed to find that I didn’t have an answer. I wasn’t a rebel who flagrantly broke rules, but I would make allowances to bend rules when I felt they were too restrictive. I was obeying the rules, but I sure wasn’t being a Christ-like example to others.

The spring of my junior year was a spiritual low. God wanted to change me but I was content to remain spiritually stagnant. On a whim, I applied to be a camp counselor, not really believing God would send me to camp. But He did & I came face-to-face with my mediocrity. My counselor training packed required me to share my reasoning for tough scenarios--principles for deciding if something is right or wrong & principles to give to someone who wants to grow spiritually--& verses defending God’s guidelines for dating, music, friends, authority, & a plethora of other counseling topics. For the first time in my life I had to answer “Why?” with more than just “because.”

I'm not perfect--God is definitely still working on me--but God is helping me answer my own questions. I don't have all of the answers & sometimes what I do may make your head turn, but I promise, God is helping me answer "why do I do what I do" with more than just "because."